Twist of Fate
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: Dean & Sam's life take a drastic turn when they run into a young girl who's demon's are hunting her, literally. Can they save her before it's to late or will she only bring the brothers more pain?
1. Wake up

DISCLAMIER: I OWN NOTHING BELONGING TO SUPERNATURAL & ITS WONDERFUL CREATORS. ANYTHING IN THIS STORY THAT YOU RECOGNIZE IS NOT MINE. I JUST LIKE MESSING WITH THE WINCHESTERS

Title: Twist Of Fate  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Seasons 1

* * *

_My dear, For I am lost._

_Gone from this place without regret._

_Mourn me not, for I am free._

_Oh, but my dear._

_How I loved you so._

"Did you know there's a sex disordered where any slight jerk or vibration will cause you to have an orgasm?" Ashley asked me her eyes never leaving her magazine.

"Are you serious?" I couldn't help but laugh, I mean if you had to have a disordered, that sure was one to have.

"Yeah dude. It says that a person with this disordered could have up to 200 orgasms a day…I mean really, I bet they have to carry a shit load of extra panties with them all over the place"

I laughed at her, "At lest she wouldn't have to fake it with her boyfriend."

Ashley shook her head laughing, "The poor guy, thinking he was great when really he sucked." We laughed, when I happened to glance up and notice the guy sitting at the table next to us was looking quite amused. undoubtedly he heard us, I blushed and kicked her leg under the table. "Ash!" I hissed hoping he wouldn't hear me

"What?" She said glaring at me I shot a look over at our newly discovered – amazingly hot- observer who seemed to be ignoring us now. Ash rolled her eyes at me before going back to her magazine, obviously not caring if we were over heard.

"What are you reading anyways?" I asked, quietly hoping not to draw the strangers attention again. She held the glossy blue magazine up, Cosmopolitan was written up top; this time I was the one rolling my eyes.

"Hey you can learn a lot from reading this" her voice was dead serious causing me to laugh "Oh yeah, I'm sure you can. I mean I really want to learn the-" I read the cover "'60 tricks of the tongue that will drive him crazy' it's my life goal to master those, besides, we're supposed to be studying,"

"Oh come on Alex, Lighten up. You'll ace the test like you always do. I bet you've even studied for this thing already." She knew me all too well, But still, A girl can never be too prepared.

Plus what she didn't know was that I was on edge all week waiting for something bad to happen. Not that anything -bad that is- was going to happen. Yet, I couldn't stop feeling like the world was about to come crumbling down on me.

I blamed it on the fact that I was turning eighteen and that this was my last year in high school. That hopefully my SAT scores were good enough that I could get into a good college.

"Alexandra Grace Parsons-" I looked up, frowning at her 'stern' sounding voice "Take a break. You deserve one. Anyways, your birthday is tomorrow-" She looked at the clock, "or I should say in 5 hours, so please lighten up." She was right; everything was going to be fine. I knew that… I did. I just, I just felt off. But how could I explain that to my best friend?

I gave her a small smile "Okay your right. I'll take a break... tomorrow" She frowned

"And why do I have a feeling that you're lying to me" she asked before glancing at her watch "I have to get going. Mom is going to flip if I'm not home soon. I'll text you later?" Though she lived across the street from the library, I knew it would take her awhile to walk home.

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, we'll do something fun." She gave me a sly smile, before she could say anything I interrupted.

"Oh and Ash, When I say fun I mean, going to a movie and out to eat, maybe hit the mall check out the hot guy that works at the Orange Julius" She laughed at me as she got up.

"Cause that is the ideal fun of a Friday night"

"Hey it is to me"

"I know" We busted out laughing causing the old librarian to glare our way, which made us continue are laughing..

"Talk to you later darling." I said still laughing at bit, but more quietly. "Later Alex!" Ash said as she walked towards the exit, I shook my head wondering how I got such a cool friend.

O.0.O

I rubbed my temples, my eyes blurring the words together. I checked the clock, it was almost time to leave, sighing I grabbed my book and I walked back over to where it belonged.

"H, I, J, k" I shut my eyes as my head started to throb. Taking deep breaths trying to calm myself but it didn't seem to work as another shot of pain entered my head. I grabbed my head holding it as images started to fly at me.

There was blood. A lot of blood. Someone's screaming. Pain, it hurts, it hurts everywhere. _I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, and I've been waiting for you little star... _

I was vaguely aware that someone had grabbed me keeping me from falling to the ground.

"Hey. Hey are you okay?" A male voice said causing me too look up through my blurred vision. I shut my eyes again a moment later trying to regain my balance and sanity.

What the hell just happened, I wondered. Sure that there was a somewhat plausible reason to it.

I had to clear my throat before I could talk, my heart was still pounding at what I seen.

"I'm fine" my voice sounded hoarse to my own ears.

I unclenched my eyes that weren't as blurred at before and looked up to the guy who had talked to me and kept my from falling. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that he still had his hands on my arms keeping me upright. I gave him a small weak smile.

Well this is embarrassing.

"You sure your okay?" he sounded like he didn't believe me. But who could blame the guy, I bet it's not every day he runs into a girl having a freak out in the history section of the library.

"Yeah" I moved away from him, almost losing my balance. Thankfully he caught me I wasn't sure if my body or mind could handle a trip face first too the floor.

"Come on, let's get you sitting" He said, I could only nod my head at him not sure if I could talk.

His arm went around my waist and he pulled me close to him so that my weight was all on him. I was to scared and freaked out too care or notice the closeness of him. I wasn't even aware really that we had started walking until a voice broke me out of my daze.

"Hey Sammy the library isn't really the place I meant when I said you needed to pick up some chicks" Another male voice said to the guy who was holding me up.

"Here sit down and please ignore my bother" I gave him -who I'm guessing was Sammy- a weak smile. I looked down at the ground and tried to calm my breathing hoping I wouldn't throw up.

"Do you need water or something?" He said after a minute of silence.

I looked up at both of the guys, noticing that the other one was the hot one from before. Great, just great; I thought to myself. This guy probably thinks I'm nuts.

"Sorry. I guess I just got dizzy there for a second" I gave them both a small smile.

There was an awkward silence, both of them staring at me. "I'm Sam-" the tall -very tall- one who helped me said "-This is my brother Dean" he pointed to the other one. Looking at them, they didn't look like brothers much, but there definitely was some sort of connection between them.

I couldn't help but wonder if they get mistaken for lovers, they were hot enough to be gay, that's for sure.

"I'm Alexandra" My voice still sound hoarse and confused.

As if reading my thoughts, Sam looked at me. "What happened back there?" He looked concerned.

Wow, with puppy dog eyes like that I bet he gets away with a lot of stuff. I shook my head out of that thought. This is not the time or place to be checking out the hot guys.

"I'm not sure-" I was having some sort of psychotic break down, maybe? "I guess it was low blood sugar or something" That could cause a girl to freak out, right?

"You get that a lot?" Dean said looking at me as if he could tell I was lying.

No. Never. But if I told them that I'm sure they would insist on helping me. Ether by taking me home or calling someone to come get me. They seemed to have the whole 'protective of strange girls in libraries' vibe to them. And I was finally realizing the full extent of how embarrassing the situation was, So I did I avoided his question and just smiled.

"Oh look at the time. I should get going, my mom will be here soon to get me. I don't want her to wait" I got up slowly, hoping I didn't land flat on my face.

YES! I made it! I thought triumphantly too myself.

"Thank you again for your help." I said giving Sam a giant smile and small one to his brother Dean.

I walked out of the library without so much as another word from them and I couldn't help but let out a silent thanks.

o.0.o

Thirty minutes later I was still waiting on the steps of the library. Which was very odd seeing as how my mom should have been here by now. She was never late, which was one of the reasons why I wasn't allowed to drive my car. 'Why waste your gas, when I'm going that way too' as she would say. I tried calling the house and her cell phone, no answer. Which made it even more odd and worrisome.

"Still here" a deep voice said from behind me, startling me. Please god, no. I thought turning around and frowned at the two guys standing that the top of the steps. I hadn't even heard the door open and shut.

Seeing them standing there was very intimidating. I wasn't sure if it was the thirty minutes of fresh air that cleared my mind of my little freak out. But I finally noticed how super tall Sam was and how broad his brother shoulders were. They both looked very fit.

"Yeah my mom's running late" I wasn't sure if they heard the uneasiness in my voice.

"You need a ride?"

I thought about it. I could get a ride from two nice -seemingly nice- hot strangers. Or I could wait for my mother who I doubt is coming and walk the six miles back to my house. I knew that Ashley's mom wouldn't let her drive me even if I asked nicely. Her mother never liked me nor did her father.

So do I walk or go with the strangers. I gave them another glance.

Yup. They were still intimidating, tall and pretty well built. I knew given the static I wouldn't have s hot against them. BUT, I needed to get home. My mom was never later. EVER.

And I couldn't fully get rid of the gut feeling that something was wrong.

That left me with one choice:

Hot guys it is.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate a ride" I said standing up wiping my hands on my jeans, hoping I made the right choice and I didn't live to regret this.

o.0.o

When we got to my house I noticed that all the lights were off. Yet, oddly enough both cars were in the drive way.

As soon as the car stopped -Or should I say Dean's '67 Chevy impala' as he so nicely told me when I mistakenly called it 'the old car over there'.- I got out nearly slamming the door.

"Thanks for the ride" I called as I ran to the door. Every step I took getting closer to the house, I felt my heart beat a little faster. Another little tug of my subconscious telling me not to go to stay back. That there was danger in there. But I ignored it and kept going.

"Mom! Dad!" I called as I opened the door and walked into the dark foyer. I frowned when I heard nothing. "I'm home!" I shouted waiting for a responsive.

"Mom? Dad?" I hit the light switch on the wall

_Click._

Nothing happened. I frowned flicking the switch again while dropping my book bag on the ground.

Still with no light I made my way towards the kitchen to get a flashlight.

"Stupid fuse" I muttered to myself. And briefly thinking that my parents were out back on the patio and didn't see the time -since the power was out- and that's why my mom didn't get me on time.

As soon as my feet hit the linoleum in the kitchen I was flat on my back my head hitting the floor with a loud smack. I winced at the pain. Feeling the liquid seep through my clothes and hug too my skin I sat up.

"Ow" I said rubbing the back of my head wondering why mom or dad didn't clean up the water. I sat there for a moment letting my eyes adjust better to the dark. The moonlight coming from the patio doors and the kitchen window danced across the room letting my eyes adjust to the dark.

When it was possible to see I froze bringing my hand up to my face. My heart stopped as I saw that the water was red, blood red. Blood, it was blood, I'm sitting in blood.

"MOM! DAD!" I yelled getting up! Trying my hardest not to fall again. My feet slipped again bringing me down to my knees. This can't be happening, I swallowed a scream.

"MOM!" I screamed as I reached up awkwardly so I could hold on the kitchen island.

Then I saw it.

A blood curling scream erupted from me. My mother was laying there in the kitchen, with blood surrounding her, next to her, my father in his own pool of blood.

My mind told me to look away as it tried to block the image out of my mine.

So much blood. I started to walk towards them shaking. I had to save them. I had.. I have too.

So much blood.

Bile rose in my throat but I ignored it.

"ALEX!" I felt someone grab me pulling me away from my parents blood covered bodies.

I fought against them as their arms tighten around my body.

"No, No! NO! NO! Not them. Please god not them!"

I needed to get to them. I needed to save them.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed adrenaline rushed through my body letting me break free from my captor. Rushing forward I fell on my knees beside my mothers body my hands automatically going to my mom's face patting her cheeks gently.

"Mom, please mom wake up. You got to wake up now mom, please."

She's just asleep. That's all she's just asleep and this…this red stuff isn't blood. No. No not blood its something else.

"Dean get her out of here!"

"Come on Mommy. You gotta wake up now okay? You gotta wake up" I sobbed my shaking hands still on her face.

I felt someone behind me grabbing me pulling me away from my mom.

"STOP! STOP IT! I HAVE TO WAKE HER UP!" Why can't they see that she's just sleeping?

I was too weak to fight him, my mind and body felt as if it had aged a hundred years in a single moment. I couldn't do anything but cry this isn't real, that she's just sleeping.

"Stay with me Alex." I heard someone whisper in my ear but I forgot it a moment later, as if I didn't hear it. I wasn't even aware that I was being carried out of the house by a stranger.

I couldn't even feel the grass on my skin as he put me down on the front yard.

Mom, she was suppose to get me at the library, she's there now I bet, I bet she's waiting for me there! It's someone else inside. I have to go back to the library I have to wait for her there!

I started to move to leave only to be pulled back down to the ground making me lay down. "ALEX!" hands gripped my face forcing me face their owner.

"Alex, Can you hear me? Damn it answer me Alex?"

"She's in shock Dean."

"Thank you captain obvious"

I need to go, I have to find my parent's I have to, and too, I don't know I have to find them. Why won't he let me go? Why won't he let me find them?

"Alex, look at me"

"We have to call 911 Dean"

NO! why is he keeping me here.

"Dean..."

"Shut up Sam!"

"Alex you have to snap out of this. Look at me damn it" I looked at his eyes wondering who he was and what he was doing before my eyes fluttered shut.

"Look at me!" I heard the male's gruff voice shout, a hand patted my cheek "ALEX!"

Nothing but blackness surrounded me.

* * *

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	2. Make Me Believe

_"Sister Margret," I whispered as my eyes took in my home. I crept down the empty halls, my little feet walked across the cold wooden floor of the convent hardly making a noise. "Sister Margret." I called out once more in a loud whisper not wanting to wake up anyone._

_Everything about the place felt safe to me. As it should, I've been here since I was only a baby. The sisters took care of me. They we're my family, even if most of them hardly had anything to do with me. And some even seemed to dislike me very much. But still, they were my family. And I had Sister Margret, Sister Margret was my favorite, she gives me candies when I'm upset, and reads me stories before bed._

_"Alexandra Grace, What are you doing up young lady" Sister Margret said as appeared in front of me. I hoped she wasn't mad at me, but the smile on her face meant she wasn't'. She's never mad at me. Even after I broke that funny looking object, she helped me hide it so I didn't get yelled at by the other sisters._

_I ran into her, throwing myself in her arms. "I couldn't sleep. The bad man was in my dreams again." I put my small head on her shoulder._

_She was my comfort, she was my home._

_"Oh child, Do you remember what I told you?" she said coddling me. I thought hard for a moment, not wanting to disappoint her. "You said that I was safe. Not to worry about the guy in my dream. That he couldn't harm me." She smiled at me_

_"Yes, now let's get some hot coco and go back to bed, shall we?" Her eye's glistened with light as she took me away from my nightmares, away from him._

0.o.0

I woke up feeling groggy with my head pounding. I was unable to open my eyes so I felt around my bed -That oddly didn't feel much like mine- searching for my cell phone so I could text Ashley. What the hell happened last night?

We were at the library then…

At that moment images came rushing to me, causing me to catch my breath. But I refused to believe what I remembered, what I saw. No, last night was a dream. It was just a dream.

For the first time that morning I opened my eyes only to shut them just as quickly, praying that when I opened them again I would wake up, and this would all be a dream. That I would find myself in my bed in my house with my parents down stairs cooking breakfast.

I opened them again only too see the white walls instead of my pale tan color ones. I looked around nervously only to see that I was in fact at a hospital. Even if the smell didn't confirm that the machine in my room sure did.

"Alexandra, It's good to see you up" A man said as he walked into the room.

"Where am I?" my voice was raspy.

"Stone bridge General. I'm Dr. O'Neil, Can you look at me?" He shinned a light into my eye's causing me to flinch.

"Headache?" he asked, I nodded my head still at a loss for words. "I'll send the nurse in with some ibuprofen. That should take care of that." He said with a forced smile on his face.

"Doctor... Why am I here?" Deep down I knew the answer. My memory gave me that, but I had hoped that maybe, just maybe I was wrong.

"Can you tell me what you remember Alexandra?" His voice was gentle but still held his businesslike tone.

"I... I'm not sure." I was sure I just couldn't say the words, and I couldn't bring myself to believe it. No matter how illogical that sounded.

"Alexandra, I'm sorry, but last night..." Hit words hit me, knocking me down until I felt as if I couldn't breath, couldn't race the reality of the truth that was before my eyes.

I closed my eyes once again. Hoping and praying that I would wake up and this all would be a dream. "I'm so sorry for your loss." Tears began to pour from my eyes as my whole world came crashing down on me; in that signal moment I realized I lost everything I ever had.

"Hey," A male voice said from the door. I Put down the magazines the nurse had brought in for me only to find that the voice belonged to Sam.

The officers had told me that Dean and Sam Winchester were the ones too call the police. And had in fact been there with me when I had found my...my parent's bodies.

"We brought you a coffee." Sam said walking further in the room. I forced a smile, it was a nice gesture even if I don't drink coffee. At 5'3 I was obsessed with stunting my growth, so I stayed away from coffee as much as possible.

I noticed Dean was still standing next to the door, "You can come in." He gave me a nodded and walked in about five steps, and looked around the room making sure not to make eye contact with me.

I was confused; He didn't seem to be one that was generally timid. Let's be honest here, guys that looked like these two hardly ever are. Maybe it was the situation, knowing what happened, seeing me a complete stranger broken down emotionally and physically that made him seem so timid.

"Thank you," I wasn't sure they heard me but both of them snapped their attention to me.

"Last night you, you helped me out. I wanted to just say thanks." My voice broke and I felt the tears I was trying desperately to keep in make their way out. I didn't want to cry. I knew that if I started again I wouldn't be able to stop. It was as if my body had an endless amount of tears that were just waiting to be released. But I refused to release them, to give into what they wanted.

"Alex…" Sam's voice was hesitant "I was wondering what happened last night?" I flinched at his question. I didn't want to answer him, I didn't want to tell him. But of course they wanted to know. After all they were part of this too, even if it was only in a small way.

"The police told me-" Breath "That my d-da-dad had stabbed my mom. Then he killed himself" I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I looked away not able to meet their gaze. "But that's impossible, I tried telling them that. But they won't listen to me" I looked up and felt my clenched fist hit the bed.

"Why do you think that?" Dean asked as I glared at him wondering why he thought he had the right to ask me that.

"My dad loved my mom. They are…were so in love. he never-" I took a deep breath. "Never would have hurt her. He's a minister, I mean. What happened goes against everything he believes in, everything he taught. He would have had to have been possessed" I shut up right after saying that, knowing that it sounded crazy to me; it would sound beyond crazy to them. The boys looked at each other and frowned. And I knew they thought I was crazy, but I also know what I feel.

Something happened last night, something that I couldn't explain. But I promised myself in that moment that I would find out.

Happy birthday, I thought to myself. My parents are gone and I'm slowly going crazy.

o.O.o

"Are you ready honey?" I saw Ashley reflection in the mirror behind me. She walked closer to me putting her arms around me and her head on my shoulder.

"Ashley, I don't know if I can do this," I stared at my reflection. I was dressed in black pencil skirt with a short sleeved white button down shirt. My long auburn hair had seen better cleaner days and dark circles hung under my hazel eyes showing the world of my sleepless nights.. My face was red and puffy from crying. Still, I looked better then what I felt.

How could I being doing this? Going to my mothers' funeral knowing I would never see her again. The thought sickened me. But even more so, it hurt deeply knowing that my parent's are gone and the church wont even let me bury my father -their minister- with her. How cruel could they be?

"Hey you're going to get through this Alex, You're strong. Plus I'll be here every step of the way. You're not alone in this." She gave me a tight squeezes and small smile "Come on it's time to go."

0.o.0

"Dearest friends and family; we gather here today to mourn the loss of our beloved friend and, loving mother, Katherine Parsons. But we are not here only to mourn, but to reminisce the times we have spent with her, both the good and the bad and to remember her as the person she was. Katherine Parsons lived a good life. One that was shared with those she loved and cherished-"

I got lost in his words, how could he say she lived a good life when she died such a horrible way? When they refused to let her be buried next to her husband; the man she loved her whole life.

"-Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. Her daughter is here with us today, she would like to share with you something special in this time of grief" Ashley nudged me, bringing me back to reality.

I got up shakily, and walked towards the front of the church.

"My mom had a passion for literature, a passion she would have loved to have given me. Yet, She gave me her horrible driving skill instead.-"People in the audience laughed sadly "I remember how she spent hours reading old worn out books too me. Tales of epic battles in all their glory, of love and betrayal, but also poems. Today I'm going to read you a poem I know she loved..."

I took a deep breath, and prayed that I could get through this without a break down.

"When I am gone, release me, let me go.

I have so many things to see and do,

You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,

But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess

How much you've given me in happiness.

I thank you for the love that you have shown,

But now it is time I traveled on alone.

So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must

Then let your grief be comforted by trust

That it is only for a while that we must part,

So treasure the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on.

And if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear

And then, when you come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and a 'Welcome Home'."

I took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that were rapidly making their way out of my eyes. I counted to ten before I spoke again. "Thank you" I took off towards the doors of the church needing to get away.

I headed towards the park across the street. Instinct took over as I made my way to the swings.

I wanted to fly, to get away from here. My feet moved faster causing the swing to go higher. The more time that passed the faster and higher I went I couldn't help but hope that death would feel like this. The breeze on your face not feeling the ground at your feet as you sailed threw the air; escaping from life.

At the thought of what I was escaping tears slide down my cheeks.

Even as my legs started to burn, I kept on going. Faster and higher, after all higher was the only place to go. Even if I was thrown to the ground I don't think it would hurt.

"Alex" I looked up and saw Sam standing next to the swings. He was dressed in a suit, I hadn't seen him in the church, and I wonder if Dean had shown up also. My feet dragged against the dirt causing me to stop. "Hey" I wiped away the tears that were falling.

"How are you doing?" He sat next to me, slowly as if he was scared I would run, which isn't that far from the truth. I wanted to run, run far and never look back.

"I'm hurting, I'm pissed, I'm- I'm confused" He nodded like he understood.

"Don't you hate it when people keep telling you how sorry they are for your loss?" It's like he took the words right out of my mind, he continued "My girlfriend Jessica died a few months ago, and every time someone told me how sorry they were I just wanted to scream at them."

After a few moment of sad silence I talked, "I just want to be left alone, Yet, I'm scared to be. Does that make any sense?" If I can't talk to my best friend, then why not talk to a stranger who seemed to have felt the pain I was feeling.

Misery loves company, and pain needs a companion.

"It makes a lot of sense," He paused before turning his head towards me "Alex?" He was hesitant; as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say something.

"Yeah" I looked into his puppy dog eyes, I could see his pain, and I wondered briefly if my eyes looked the same and if they would always be changed.

"Do you remember what you said in the hospital, about how your father must have been possessed to have done that?"

"Yeah..." They had left right after, hardly saying a word.

"What if I told you that you were right? That a demon possessed your father."

I watched his face, waiting for his smile or his 'just kidding' but it never happened. His face was serious, dead serious. "Are you crazy?" I stood up; what kind of sick game is he playing. "Look," I shook my head, bitting my temper "I think you should go now. Thank you for all your help, I appreciate it really, but please go."

He stood up but didn't make a move to leave, "Alex, I know this all sounds crazy. But you said it yourself; your dad couldn't have done that"

"Look, Demons aren't real buddy. Are you off your meds or something?" I was angry, I was beyond angry beyond pissed I was sitting on the edge of insanity and rage.

"Alex..."

"No. Just go" I could tell he wasn't going to leave."GO!" I flug my arm out, pointed to the road, shouting loud enough that I'm sure people in the church would have heard. Whatever he was playing at I didn't want to hear. I wanted him gone.

"Okay," He sighed, taking a step back "but promise that if anything happens; you'll call."

"Yeah. Sure." Freak.

He started to walk away before turning around "Alex, please be careful" As if on cue the impala rolled up, and Sam got in and left.

I couldn't get what he said out of my head. I knew it was crazy to even consider that he was telling the truth, though the thought was mine before he confirmed what he said.

All the times I listen to my father sermons on demons and angels I never truly believed they were real.

Could they be? Could that have been what happened as Sam had said? Sam I didn't know him or his brother. Both of them could be weirdoes who idea of fun is playing sick jokes like this.

I wasn't sure about the truth behind demons but I was positive of the demons behind humanity. Humans were cruel by nature, all you had to do was turn the TV, watch CNN to see that.

But if that was really and truly the case, that my father went crazy, then why couldn't I believe it. Why didn't it 'fit' into the puzzle of my parent's death?

O.o.O

_Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel_

_Can't help if I wanna kiss you in the rain so,_

_Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you._

I pulled out my cell phone; Ashley name flashed on the Caller ID. "Hey," I said looking around my room, for what else I needed to pack. "Hey Alex, You mind if I come get you now?" Her voice sounded urgent.

"Why, what's up?" I felt a chill run up my spine; god how paranoid was I being.

"Nothing really, I just don't want you to be alone."

I sighed, "Ash- I want to be alone." I took a deep breath, "I have to do this myself."

"Look, I know you think you do. But you dont. So you know what, I'll just come over there now. I'll be over soon" She hung up before I could get a chance to say anything else.

Why did I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, she's my friend of course she wants to be here with me. But I told her I wanted to be alone, she knows how I get, she knows that when I want to be alone, I really want to be alone.

I took a white piece of paper out of my purse, a paper I thought I never would have used. One that was given to me the day I was in the hospital.

I dialed the number; it rang four times before he answered

"Hello?"

I exhaled, not even knowing that I was holding my breath.

"Sam? It's Alex."

"Is everything okay?"

"That's it, I'm not sure. I'm sure it's nothing, But, I just... I feel like something about to happen, and Ash is acting weird, well not weird, but not herself. And I don't know why but I'm scared." I was rambling I knew that.

"Okay hang on, We'll be right there" He hung up without even asking where I was, Which was weird, but I didn't have time to think about that before I heard my front door open, and Sam calling my name.

I wasn't sure if I should be grateful for them stalking me, or be freaked out. After all, how much do I really know them? I walked down the steps, noticing Dean was laying out salt by the door and window's.

"What are you guys doing, and why were you outside?"

"We're saving your ass is what we're doing" Dean said looking up at me.

"You're saving my ass with Salt?" I didn't mean for it to come out as sarcastic as it did.

"Dean get up stairs, I'll finish down here" Sam said as he walked out from the kitchen, Dean took off up the step's.

I felt confused, and tired. What the hell was going on here?

"Sam..."

I felt as if shock wave was coming through me. I dropped down to the ground, as if I had been pushed.

I couldn't finish telling him that it was a mistake to call him that they should just leave. Even if I was able to, I don't think I wanted to now.

"Alex!" I felt out of breath; please don't let this be happening again.

"What's wrong?" Dean came rushing down the steps, gun in hand.

"I... I don't know, I..." As soon as it came it was gone.

"Let me guess, Low blood sugar?" Dead said as he took my hand and helped me up, if I didn't feel so sick, I would have yelled at him.

Before I could catch my breath, or even glare at him there was a knock on the door.

I froze.

"Tell her to come it" Dean whispered in my ear, causing flutters to start in my stomach.

"COME IN" I yelled, my voice surprisingly strong. The door moved but didn't open. It was as if something was blocking the door.

"STUPID STUPID GIRL" Ashley shouted from outside, "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING"

Sam and Dean had both their guns out, ready to shoot the door.

"Don't you dare shoot!" I yelled at them, as Ashley appeared in front of the window, her eyes were black.

"Ashley..." I whispered as she stared at me, before turning around and running.

"What, what was that?" I asked, still staring at where she had stood only moments before.

"That was your friend." Dean said nonchalantly "possessed by a demon."

Oh, that makes sense now.

o.O.o

Pacing the living floor, back and forth the brothers watched me. "What am I suppose to do? I'm supposed to be moving in with her and her parents'. I can't really do that if there is a demon inside of her, now can I?"

I know I was being a bitch, I know they were only trying to help but I was going through and emotional roller coaster.

"Look, well hunt her dow-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence you are not hunting my friend down,"

"She' isn't your friend anymore." Dean told me.

"I don't care; you aren't going to kill her" I screamed, before him or his brother could answer, the phone rang causing me to jump. "I'll get it?" Sam asked, i nodded not really wanting to talk to anyone.

"Alex," Dean sighed, "You're in danger with her around we have to take-"

"She's not in town anymore" Sam said, I looked over at him confused. "That was her mom that just called, she can't get a hold of her, I bet anything the demon took off in your friend's body and ran,"

"Then we have to go after her, help her!" I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Whoa... We aren't doing anything. You are staying here and Sam and I will go."

"Listen Dean that's my friend out there,"

"Yeah and you'll end up getting yourself killed if you go after her."

"And I won't here?"

"She's right Dean, We can't just leave her here."

"Dude we can't bring her with us."

"Dude, I'm right here! And whoever is doing this, they won't just stop. They'll kill the people I love to get to me. Don't you see that? This isn't over; it's not over until I kill them."

Dean raised his eyebrow at me. Probably at my choice of words but I didn't care. Whatever was going on, whoever was doing this had to pay.

"Look you can't go with us. Hunting is a dangerous Job" Is what he finally settled on telling me.

"And what wait here till the next demon comes after me? Unprotected, not knowing how to defend myself? Cause that seems like the safest thing to do"

"Dean she has a point. This demon ran, but what's to say another one won't come after her? With us at lest we know she'll be safe. She'll be a sitting duck here"

"But... I mean, she can't hunt?" He threw his arms up, "For god sakes she drives a Saturn" Dean and Sam stared at each other for a few moments having a silent conversation. Dean turned and glared at me "Fine, but you're not hunting; you stay on the side lines the whole time. As soon as we get this demon your ass is getting on the bus and getting back here, got it?"

I nodded my head agreeing with him, "Let me go get my bags" I started up the steps and heard Dean mutter.

"Hunters don't drive Saturn's."

* * *

Reviews will get you candy from Dean & Sam ;)


	3. Night out

**_Three weeks later._**

I was lying on the bed studying John's Journal, when the boy's walked in.

After everything I had been though being with them helped. As much as I wanted to stay in bed all day I knew it wouldn't help me get to the bottom of what really happened. So I watched and listened to the boys noting everything that they did.

To be honest I enjoyed every minute of being with them. There was nothing like their banter to make a girl laugh and not feel as alone in the world.

Though, I'm noticing their protective side. They only let me help with the 'research' during a hunt. Saying I was too young and inexperienced to do anything else.

So I would spend most of my days in the motel room. Not that it bothered me much... Okay, It did. At least Dean seemed to be getting better at dealing with me there. It was hard for him to have someone else with him and Sam; even more so a girl who isn't a hunter with a pack of demons after her. Though, No demons had tried to do away with me yet, I'm not holding my breath that it'll stay that way.

Sam was always nice to me, and very understanding. He had been from the first day we met, that hadn't changed since then. I doubt it ever would. There was a few nights during the first week when I woke up crying Sam was always there with a comforting hand telling me everything was okay.

So basically I'm always stuck in whatever crappy run down Motel they pick for their 'hunt', I'm alone most days and nights, yet I haven't felt very alone.

I knew if I went out on a job with them there was a good chance I could put them at risk, yet a part of me really wanted to be out there with them, you know? Fighting the good fight and all that junk; wasn't this about me too now?

"Hey Alex" Sam said smiling ignoring Dean who was muttering something about 'none car lovers'. Most likely someone had said something about the Impala, which was one sure fire way to tick Dean off.

"How's the studying coming along?" Sam sat on the edge of the bed, I sighed "It would be a lot easier if they weren't called a different million things" He laughed nodding his head.

Dean walked into the bathroom, ignoring me and Sam. "I thought you guys were going to bring food?" I asked as my stomach grumbled, I looking around hoping a bag would somehow appear.

In case no one knows; Motel's like this don't really come stocked with food, OR room services.

"We're going out." I smiled when he said that, "As in out of this room out and to a nice restaurant?" hoped swelled up in me.

Sam gave me a pitiful look, but I was too busy thinking about the wonderful food I would eat to notice.

----

It was bar, not that I should be surprised, It seemed as if Dean lived off of Bar's and gas station food.

I rolled my eye's wondering how Dean always managed to pick the nicest looking bars in the area.

The sign at the front entrance caught my attention; I grinned and pulled on Sam's shirt. He looked down at me confused. I pointed to the sign, He smiled at me.

This was going to be fun, Very, Very Fun.

"Look its Karaoke Night-" Dean smiled "Come on there's a table" The place was pretty packed; undoubtedly this was a local place. I couldn't imagine too many 'outsiders' picking this place, I glanced at Dean.

"I'll be right back, I need to use the ladies room" I smiled sweetly, and winked at Sam who was having a hard time trying not to laugh.

I walked over to the signup sheet.

Dean Winchester: Hit me baby one more time.

I laughed as I wrote it; could I do this to him? Oh yes, I so could.

I walked back over the table, Sam looked up knowingly.

It wasn't long before they started going through the list, people drunkenly – I hoped- doing horrible version's of classic hits, and other songs I've never heard.

I couldn't help but get nervous as the list kept moving down, calling name by name up on stage. It's too late to chicken out, I told myself.

"DEAN WINCHESTER" the announcer said on the microphone, Dean looked up startled. I giggled nervously, glancing at him. "Tell me you didn't Alex" Dean said looking at me pissed, I gave him an expression of 'who me?' and smiled sweetly.

All the while Sam was laughing, to the point he almost choked on his beer.

"DEAN WINCHESTER" The guy called again, Dean stood up and smiled at me.

Oh boy, how I don't like that smile, he walked up towards the stage and glanced down at the paper. I could see his hands go into tight fist, his knuckles turning white

"What song did you put down" He asked, "Hit me baby one more time. Britney Spears" I whispered as if Dean could hear me.

I watched Dean talk to the guy, saying something and smiling the guy nodded and smirked.

"What's going on?" I asked scared, "This isn't what's supposed to happen, is it?" I watched the announcer/DJ hand Dean a Microphone, Dean walked up on stage and gave everyone one of his smiles.

He looked right at me, Oh No.

"Hey everyone, my friend Alex here is a bit scared to do a song-" WHAT! "I was hoping you all could give her a round of applause and help her get her butt up here" The crowed started cheering a few people shouted Alex.

"Come on Alex don't be shy" Dean said "SAM! Help me!" I looked over, "Hey you're on your own" Great, Just great.

"ALEX! ALEX! ALEX!" the crowed repeated over and over again, "Come on honey, Don't be shy" A tall blond who had been up near the stage the whole night said as she touched my arm, bring me up to Dean. I shot Sam one last pleading looking. He was laughing, that traitor.

"Dean what are you doing" I hissed in his ear. He smiled at me, "I'm just returning the favor."

Pay back is such a bitch.

"Yeah, but baby one more time isn't a duet" I said, just now thinking this. "Oh I know, we aren't singing together."

"DEAN, I don't sing!" I said suddenly nervous, I mean I do sing but not in front of people.

"I don't ether" he shot back

"Yes you do! You sing in that car all the time" He rolled his eyes and handed me an extra microphone.

"Just follow the words on the screen Alex you'll be fine. Most of these people are too drunk to tell."

That made me feel so much better.

"Oh and by the way, I changed the song for you" He said before he hopped of stage.

WHAT!!!

I heard the start of the song, and I bit the inside of my cheek. Of course he would pick THIS song, one of the, ah. Stupid Dean. I glared at him, He smiled at me. I mouthed ' I hate you ' he laughed.

This was hell. I'm going to die, I thought. The crowed started clapping with the beat of the music. I was going to die.

I had to breath I thought to myself. Just breathe Alex; it's a stupid song and stupid dean trying to make an ass out of me. I could do this, I just had to breathe, and stop thinking about the way his eye's looked when he looked at you. He's was trying to making an ass out of me, Well I'll just have to show him. Though it would help if I had, well you know a whole lotta self confidence.

If I make an ass out of myself so what; I'll never see these people again. Also their drunk, they won't even remember me. I glanced at the crowed, Sam gave me a reassuring smile; Not that I forgot how big of a traitor he is, but it helped. I looked at Dean and smiled, I could do this.

I walked over to the edge of the stage and grabbed Dean's arm, pulling him back up. If I'm going down, he can be front row and center. But I refuse to sing on this stage alone.

I opened my mouth and began to sing.

_I love myself; I want you to love me_

_When I feel down; I want you above me_

_I search myself; I want you to find me_

_I forget myself; I want you to remind me_

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_Ooh I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no_

_You're the one who makes me come runnin'_

_You're the sun who makes me shine_

_When you're around I'm always laughin'_

_I want to make you mine_

_I close my eyes and see you before me_

_Think I would die if you were to ignore me_

_A fool could see just how much I adore you_

_I'd get down on my knees; I'd do anything for you_

_I don't want anybody else _

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_ahh ohh i don't want anybody else_

_oh no oh on oh no yeah_

_I love myself; I want you to love me_

_When I feel down; I want you above me_

_I search myself; I want you to find me_

_I forget myself; I want you to remind me_

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_ahh ohh i don't want anybody else_

_oh no oh no oh no _

_I want you _

_I don't want anybody else_

_and when i think about you; i touch myself_

_ooh ooOoh ooOoh aaaaahhhh_

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_Ooh I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself _

_I honestly do_

_I touch myself _

_I touch myself_

We stared at each other for a second after the song finished. Dean turned to the applauding crowed and bowed. I shook my head, and smiled.

I caught Sam's eye in the crowed, he was laughing I rolled my eyes at him.

"Come on bow" Dean said; I did a small curtsy.

"So how did you get him to do that?" I asked as Dean took my hand and helped me off stage, He gave me a cocky grin "I gave him a twenty" I laughed, One thing's for sure, I'm never trying to pull one over on Dean again.

----

"So what's next on the list? Did you guys take care of the ghost of Mr. Anderson?"

"Nothing but a quick salt and burn, just the way I like it" Dean said glancing at the bar "I'll be back" He got up from his seat, I noticed his gaze was landed on the blond girl who made me go up on stage. "Hey Dean-" I said sweetly, He looked down at me "Make sure you check her ID" She looked a little young to me, Not that I am any older.

"Oh I'll be checking a lot more then that" He winked at me before walking towards the blond, who I couldn't help think, looked slutty.

I rolled my eyes laughing "He never stops does he?" Sam laughed "That's just Dean for you"

"So, what happened with the ghost" I asked interested, Sam hadn't been able to tell me at the Motel. That was a nightly ritual with us. He and Dean would come home from a hunt, and Sam would share the details why Dean made annoying commentary on the case. Then there were night's they didn't have a hunt, Sam would share stories of past hunts.

"Well it was pretty much your basic case, a spirit not ready to let go. So we had to find his remains salt em' and burn em'"

"So why couldn't I go?" Sam smiled at me "Rule one Alex. In hunting you never know what sort of job you're on. A really simple case could turn out to be an uphill battle, While something that looks hard... well is most likely hard." I laughed at him.

"Hey guys. Try to be a little late coming back. I'll be in the middle of something" Dean appeared at the table. Obviously that didn't take long.

"So what did you tell her this time Dean?" Sam asked grinning; I can't believe he was proud of this. Ew.

"Oh you know, I'm looking for 'real' actress for an upcoming movie I may or may not be shooting in the area, Sammy, Alex" He said throwing his key's to Sam before walking away and putting his arm around the girl.

I wonder suddenly what being the girl on Dean Winchester arm felt like. Why the hell did I just think that?

I looked at Sam, and we started laughing. "You want to get out of here, go to a place that makes something other than grease." I smiled at him. "Yes, Sir"

This was going to be one very long night, but I was suddenly okay with that.

----

After Sam and I found a Denny's and ate food that wasn't pure grease, we decided to just sit there for another hour or so. Not wanting to intrude on Dean.

"Do you always want to hunt?" I asked, Hoping this time he'd tell me the truth. He and Dean both had a knack for avoiding my question when it came to their past and future. They seemed to like keeping me on a need to know bases.

He seemed taken back by my question, but he had to have known I would have asked again. "Honestly, Hunting is the last thing I want to be doing. But it's the only thing I have right now" I nodded at him, fully understanding. After all, isn't that what I was doing?

"Do you think you'll go back to school?" I knew Sam was smart, smarter than even he let on. He had a good head on his shoulders.

"I do, it's just hard you know? Me and Jessica we had all these planes. And now that she's not here, I can't imagine what it's going to be like following through with them without her."

"Yeah but Sam, I'm sure she would want you to move on with your life" I put my hand on top of his "You're a smart guy, and Your going to do something amazing with your life. If It's going back to Stanford or becoming the best damn hunter the world has ever known. Just know that as long as it's what you want, Jessica would be behind you hundred percent."

"Well even if she would be, Dean wouldn't, him and my dad are all I have in my life. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them, and I already did once when I first left, I don't think I could do that again"

"Your brother loves you Sam, He wants what's best for you. He just thinks he knows what it is, but how you guys are with each other, I don't think you'll ever be able to get rid of him. You're stuck with Dean for the rest of your life... I'm sorry for you I really am" I said laughing.

"What about you, what's your goal for this life?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess for right now I'm just trying to stay alive, Find out why this Demon is after me. Maybe, after that I'll to find my birth parents"

Sam looked at me confused "Your birth parents?" I nodded my head and took a sip of my orange juice "I was adopted when I was little, it was hard growing up. I always felt different from my parents. As much as I loved them I just never fit in with them. I was the black sheep of the family that wasn't even mine."

"You never said anything about being adopted before." Sam said frowning "Why-" I was confused "Would that have made a difference? I've never known my birth parents, or anything about them."

"I think we should head back to the Motel" Sam put money down on the table, "Come on"

"Sam wait" I said getting up, "What does me being adoptive have to do with any of this?" He looked at me and simply said "I think this is the missing clue we need"

The car ride back had been long and silent, both Sam and I we're lost in our thoughts.

By the time we got back to the motel Dean was sound asleep, I tipped toed to the bed trying not to wake him up.

I was too tired to change into my pajamas, so I snuggled underneath the blankets trying to fall asleep.

"Sam" I whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he had fallen asleep, I held my breath as I heard Dean mutter something. Sam chuckled, "Yeah" he whispered back "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guy's sooner. I honestly didn't think it could have had a connection" I heard him sigh, "I know, and Alex?" "Yeah?" "You totally kicked ass during karaoke tonight" I rolled my eyes and smiled, "Good night Sam." "Goodnight Alex"

Sleep found me soon after that.

----

The morning light shined through the window, waking me up. I head Sam and Dean talking about the 'next step' I rolled over trying to find sleep again.

"Oh no you don't sleepyhead; if I have to be up so do you." Dean said looking amused. I sat up in bed and glared at both boys who were freshly showered and dressed, I glanced at the alarm clock; 9 am it read.

"I'm still tired" I said falling back into bed. "What time did you guys get in anyways" Dean asked sounding 'father like' I sat up in bed and glared at him. "Hey, Don't get snotty with me Mr. We would have been back and in bed early if Someone hadn't needed the room to do god only know what with some hu-" Sam started laughing.

"You really are crabby when you don't get enough sleep, you know that right?" I glared at Sam, throwing my legs off the bed. "I'm getting in the shower!" I told them, I grabbed a clean pair of clothes and underwear.

I marched into the bathroom highly upset, A girl needs her sleep.

I turned the water on hot, happy to feel that they left me some.

"So that Amanda chick-" Amanda? Who's that I wondered as I listen to Dean Talk to Sam. "She's a wildcat that one. I think I have scratches" I heard him whistle. Ew, but I could assume Amanda was the blond from the bar, or at least I hoped.

I put my clothes on the counter and noticed I forgot something; I sighed and headed out of the bathroom.

I stopped short when I saw Dean standing there holding a black lace bra with red hearts on it. "She must have left this here last night" He said smirking, I rolled my eyes "Dean" He turned around "Can I have my bra back please" He looked at the bra to me back to the bra and back to me before throwing it at me. The look on his face was priceless.

Sam was laughing hysterical, watching the scene in front of him.

"Why the hell is your bra on our floor!" I couldn't tell if this amused me or embarrassed me, I was still too tired to figure that out. "Hey, you try sleeping in a bra all night. It's not fun" I turned around and walked back into the bathroom smiling.

Oh today was going to be great.

* * *

Reviews always make my muse happy ;)


	4. Underneath My Skin Part 1

_I looked at my reflection in the golden mirror, a glazed look on my face. My curly hair cascading down my white sun-dress; 'I'm beautiful' I thought to myself._

_I looked over at him, standing there by the fire place, looking angelic though it was all an illusion, I knew he was far from what he pretended to be._

_"This is how its suppose to be" He said smiling, A tear fell from my eyes "Please..." I whispered_

_He walked over to me, his eye's never leaving mine "This is where you belong little star, This is your home"_

_This is my home, this is where I belong. I repeated to myself before taking his hand._

The door slamming woke me up, alerting me to the boys. Well, I hoped it was the boys anyways. I sat up in bed, my hand on a dagger ready to throw and bolt if necessary.

The light came on; Dean walked to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Sam stood there looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"What's wrong?" my heart started to beat faster, had something happen? Was Dean Okay? Is Sam okay?

He shook his head not wanting to answer. I got out of bed, walked over to him. "Sam?" my voice was pleading. He looked down at me, moisture in his eyes.

"What happened?" Please tell me, I silently asked. He cleared his throat. "My mom, She was in that house"

Oh god, No wonder they are booth acting so upset.

I put my arms around Sam's waist and my head on his chest. His arms came around me, holding me closer.

I didn't say anything to him, I didn't tell him that it would be alright, that everything happens for a reason. I had no wise words of wisdom. So I just held him as he held me hoping to bring some sort of comfort to him.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but he finally broke away, with a small smile on his face.

He walked towards the table that was in the room and sat down, opening up his laptop.

"Did you get any studying done while we were gone?"

"Not much, I sort of ended up falling asleep"

I shrived thinking about the dream I had been having. I couldn't get it out of my head. The dream it's self felt right, yet it frightened me. The man who had been in it? I felt as if I had known him, yet I couldn't think how.

"Bad dream?" Sam looked concerned, he always looked concerned.

I was wondering if I should tell him, maybe he could help me figure out what my dream had meant. No, I couldn't ask him. He had enough on his plate with his own dreams and seeing his mother ghost today. Well, I really didn't want to add on to that.

"I don't know maybe, I don't really remember it" That was a big fat lie.

"Well if you need to talk Alex I'm here"

"I kn-"

Dean walked out of the bathroom interrupting us. Which I was grateful for, I hated lying to Sam.

"I say we head out tomorrow. We'll look for cases on the road" Obviously Dean hated being back here, not that I could blame him. Even more so, after everything that happened today. I'm surprised he didn't want to leave tonight. I know I would.

"Dean, I was thinking. Maybe we can go back to Missouri's house in the morning. Let her and Alex talk."

Missouri? Wasn't that the Psychic Sam had said they met to help with this case, the same one who had helped their father.

I looked at Dean's face and could tell he just wanted to leave and never look back.

"You know what Sam, its fine. I don't need to see her" It would be pretty awesome, but I still didn't need to.

"No he's right. Maybe, she could sense something. Well head over in the morning."

Dean, what a wonderful guy he was. I mean even while he was hurting, He couldn't stop taking care of others. It seemed like it was in his nature to do everything for us, yet nothing for himself.

I took a deep breath, and hoped to god this leap of courage was worth it. I stood up and walked over to him, and gave him a big bear hug, which was easier since he wasn't as tall as Sam.

"Thank you" I could feel him stiffen slightly, obviously closeness wasn't something he did. I rolled my eyes and kept on hugging him. He relaxed, a bit.

"Hey no chick flick moments" I let him go.

"I'm a chick, So I do 'chick flick' moment's pretty frequently, get use to it buddy" A small smile crept on his face.

"Sammy I think you have competition for being the girl of the group"

-----

It was around ten by the time we got to Missouri's house. I was nervous about what was going to happen. I mean, It's not every day you meet a psychic.

Dean knocked on the door, loud knocks I might add.

Missouri opened the door and shot Dean a look; she smiled at Sam than her gaze turned to me. "Alexandra, I was hoping the boys would bring you by. Come on in sugar"

"Come on don't be shy." She led us into her living room. Dean, Sam and, I sat down on the sofa while she sat on the chair across from us.

"How are you doing today? I'm sorry to hear about your parent's" I gave her a weak smile. "I'm doing okay, better than expected. The boys are really helping me out"

She nodded, gazing at me.

"Would you rather the boy's left sugar"

"We aren't-"

"Boy you finish that sentence telling me what you won't do and I'll get that wooden spoon" She shot at Dean.

I had to hold back laughter. I never saw anyone talk to Dean like that.

"I just mean, I don't think we should leave her here alone" He said politely, but you could tell he was holding his tongue.

"You and Sam go on into the kitchen get something to eat. We'll be done shortly"

The boys got up and walked out of the room, Missouri knew the secret to getting what she wanted from Dean; food.

"Dean Winchester you get your ears off this room. Don't make me come in there" I smiled at Missouri, she winked at me.

"All men need is a strong female to tell them what to do. Without us, they would be lost"

"I don't think Dean takes to well to strong females"

"Sugar, Dean like all females. But only a strong one will ever get close to his heart... Now let see, why are you here?"

"I don't know. I guess I... I just wanted to know what's happening to me."

Why, are Demons after me, Why am I having crazy dreams, and most importantly could I have prevented my parents death. Is it my fault their dead?

"Now tell me some more about these dreams?"

I wasn't shocked she had asked me about the dreams, okay I was a little bit. But I was expecting it, she is after all a psychic. It's what they do right?

"I've been having these dreams, but they feel more like memories, and they're scary but at the same time there... comforting."

She nodded her head, and sat quietly for a moment.

"I want you to get some books on psychic protection as soon as possible. I'll give you some to take with you, but I want you to get more you understand?"

"Yes ma'am"

I sat there for a moment a bit upset. I knew she was trying to help me, but, was that all she was going to do or say?

"You want more?" She smiled at me.

"I just... I don't understand why these demons are after me? Why...Why they killed my parent's" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes.

I had told myself I wouldn't cry over their deaths. Not until I took care of who killed them. The only emotion I would feel right now concerning them would be anger. Anything else would hurt too much.

"Why sugar, you're something special all together, The energy that is coming off of you. It's something different; something big"

Was she trying to tell me I'm a psychic? That's impossible I don't have a psychic bone in my body. The night at the library, or the day Ashley came to the house, All that was just paranoia and coincidence.

Sure I had a few moments of; I know who's going to call before they do. Or the right answers to a test I had forgot to study for, but all that was normal.

"There aren't any coincidences, everything in life happens for a reason. Just as you can't change what's already been written." Was she trying to tell me that I had a psychic premonition?

"I'm not special trust me" I said more to myself than her.

If I was special, why did everyone leave me? Why did my biological parent's throw me away? Why did my adoptive parent's family want nothing to do with them after they got me?

I was anything but special. I was a curse. Everyone in my life always ended up pushing me away, and leaving me alone.

"Sugar, your parent's cared for you. I know it's hard to believe, but truly you have to see that if they didn't want you, you wouldn't be here today,. And I can't tell you why your adoptive parents family acted the way they did. Only those things happen, unfair things. Things that make us hurt, but you can't keep all that locked it. It's dangerous to hold that much anger."

Anger is something I've come to know well I mean, how could I not have anger after everything? My parents were murdered by a demon. Anger is normal, being scared is normal. Dealing with it is normal, but not feeling anything. That's not normal.

"This energy you said you feel. Is it... Is it bad?" I took a deep breath waiting for her answer. She got up from her chair and sat next to me on the sofa and took my hand.

"Child, it's never the energy that's bad. It's the person, the choices you make."

"How can it be good if, if this energy you feel is why my parents are dead" Tears ran down my face, Tears I wanted nothing to do with.

"Evil things happen to good people. There isn't any stopping it, but that doesn't mean you give in to it. Your parents died because of someone else, someone evil doing. You couldn't have stopped it. No one could have"

"You guys done yet" Dean said as he walked into the room, Missouri shot him a look. The expression, if looks could kill crossed my mind.

"Yeah, we're done" I knew Dean was in a hurry to get out of this place- this town. Every second longer here hurt him in ways I couldn't imagine.

He was doing something that hurt him, to help me. How could I not be thankful for him and Sam being in my life?

"Sugar, your heart is good. All you have to do is listen to what you just thought to see that" She smiled at me; I glanced at Dean and blushed.

"Thank you Missouri"

"Anytime, now you go on and get out of here. Remember to get those books. And call me anytime you need" She said as she handed me two books. One was huge while the other was pretty small. I smiled, "Thank you" I gave her a hug and walked out into the foyer.

"Dean, Sam. You take care of this girl you hear?"

"We will" Sam said, Dean just grumbled about something causing Missouri to shoot him another look.

We left her house soon after that.

"Dean, I don't think she likes you much" I laughed as we got into the Impala. "What's not to like?" He asked hurt. Sam grinned.

"So what books did she give you?"

I thought about lying to them, but I knew they needed to know. Not that I really know much but... I had to trust them.

"Just books on psychic protection and dreams." I said quietly. Even though I had to trust them, doesn't mean I have to like it.

"So what; you and Sammy are both psychic weirdo's or something?" Dean looked a bit taken back.

"Dean" Sam voice was hard.

"What I'm just saying. It' can't be a coincidence if you're having some sort of psychic power spark and so is Alex" I thought back to what Missouri had said to me early.

'Nothing is a coincidence'

Was Dean right, did my begin here have something to do with Sam? We're we connected somehow.

"Well it seems like I'm the only normal one around here now." Dean said jokingly, looking at me from the review mirror. I could tell he was trying to apologize; I gave a small smile and rolled my eyes.

But truthfully, it wasn't funny. I was worried, and I had an idea so were the boys.

----

"Why are we here?" Dean asked the next day, as we pulled into a parking lot of a new age shop.

"I told you Dean. Missouri said I should get some books, so I'm getting some books"

"You couldn't have gotten them at, say, a normal place"

"Dean. I'll be twenty minutes tops Go across the street and get some food" I pointed to a pizza parlor that sat right across the street.

"No. You're not going in there alone"

"Dean..."

"No. Let's go"

He got out of the car and walked towards the shop.

"He means well Alex. He's just over protective"

"I know, I know."

"Dude this candle is shaped like a penis" Dean said as we walked into the store.

I don't know why it was annoying me so much having Dean here with me. Maybe it was the way he treated this place or even the subject of anything 'new age'. How could I shop if I had to worry about Dean telling me what I can and can't get. Or making nasty comments about things he has no idea about.

"I'll be over there Sam"

"What?" Dean sounded confused as Sam shot him a look, I just walked away.

As I was searching the books, a lady in a long colorful dress came up to me. Hippie, crossed my mind. "Can I help you?"

"I'm just looking, thanks" I smiled at her and turned my attention back to the books.

"You know if you're a beginner of the craft I have the perfect book for you" She glanced at the section I was at and handed me a big fat leather book.

"It's something to start you off with" She said as she handed it to me.

'Principles of magic' was the title.

"Thanks but, I'm more looking for books on protection" She nodded her head "It's all in there. Herbs, Candles, stones. Anything you can imagine is in that book. Including how to protect yourself and others"

She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "I haven't seen you in here before, but I get the feeling you aren't as new as I first thought, yes... Who is your coven?"

I was puzzled, Coven?

"I'm sorry but I don't practice magic. And I'm just in town for the night"

She shook her head, "I'm having a gathering tonight, I'd like it if you showed up" I felt a strong urge to agree with this women. Which is crazy, I know. I don't know the first thing about magic; I should be running as far as possible. But I stayed there. But, I knew I couldn't go, even if I wanted to. It wasn't safe.

"I would-"

"She can't" Dean's voice came up from behind me. I looked back at him and frowned.

"We're leaving tonight"

"You said we we're staying till morning?"

"We'll I changed my mind. Let's go. I'm ready to eat."

"Dean I'm not done"

"Well to bad. I said it's time to go."

I looked down at the book in my hands. "I guess I'll just take this then" I said, Pulling out my wallet.

"It's on the house" She said to me.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure"

"Thank you"

I turned and glared at Dean.

"Thanks Dad." I said as we walked out of the shop. "Look I'm only trying to protect you Alex. So knock off the attitude"

"Attitude? Dean I'm a big girl. I think I can make choices by myself."

"Yeah, Well I don't."

"Dean if you would have waited a moment back there, you would have seen I was going to tell her no."

"I'm sure you were Alex, Sure you were"

Why was he acting this way? I put my head on the window, hoping this power trip of his wouldn't last long. I knew he was still upset from the previous night at his old house. But why would he be taking that out on me?

----

"What are you wearing?" Dean asked as I walked out of the bathroom. I looked down at myself unsure.

I had on shorts and a white thank top, that showed barely an inch of midriff.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Your half naked Alex" I laughed, is he serious?

"Dean it's like 80 degrees out. I don't want to wear jeans"

"Fine, let's go then"

I followed them out of the motel hoping Dean would stop acting so stupid.

It wasn't long before we got to the bar of the night. I couldn't help but smile at Dean; did he pick our motels to be close to these places? Or did it just happen that way.

We sat down at a table close to the bar, like always. I couldn't help but notice that this place was a bit nicer compared to the ones we had be stopping at. The music was more modern and didn't play rock 24/7.

"God this music sucks. I need a Beer. Sam, Alex you want anything?" We both shook our head yes, both wanting our usual; A beer for Sam, and a Coke or Pepsi for me.

"He'll come back" Sam said amused, I blushed. I must have been watching him walk away.

"It's not that. I'm just trying to figure out what I did to piss him off so much"

Sam sighed "Try not to let it get to you Alex. After everything that happened at our house I think it fully hit him at what we're exposing you too."

"But that's bull Sam. Without you guys, I'd be dead already. You guys are keeping me sheltered. Pretty well sheltered too, But, I just hate him treating me like a child. I'm not a child"

"Trust me we've noticed" Sam muttered, I wasn't sure if it was too me or himself. I was about to ask him when Dean showed back up, drinks in hand.

I looked at them drinking their beers talking about a 'maybe case' that is only in the town over. Dean over heard some girls at the bar talking about the scary house that people kept disappearing in.

"Is that any good?" I asked eying their beer with a raised eye brow. I had never tried drinking before, not that I didn't get that chance. I just never saw the point in doing something that would mess with my judgment. I like being in control.

"Here try it, If you like it I'll get you one" Dean handed me his beer and I took a sip, almost spitting it back out. God that was disgusting.

"I'll be sticking to soda, Thanks" I said at a laughing Dean and Sam.

I was happy Dean was laughing again, maybe I got my wish and this problem of his was over.

I glanced up and noticed a guy staring at me. Not glancing or taking quick peeks but never taking his eyes off me, sort of staring. He was big, pretty buffed up. He had longish dirty blond hair. I couldn't make out his eyes but I'm guessing a greenish-blue color.

He was hot, and he looked bad. He was wearing only a wife beater and dark blue jeans that fit really good.

Okay I had to stop staring and turned my attention back to the boys who obviously caught me. They we're both staring at me and taking quick glancing at the guy.

"So this case" I started to say but Dean held out his hand for me to stop. "We have company" He sure didn't sound happy about that.

I frowned confused, What was he talking about. I was about to ask until I felt someone walk up behind me.

"I'm Logan" mysterious hot guy has a name, I thought as I smiled "I'm Alex"

"Short for Alexandra?"

"You're good"

"I try to be"

I smiled, and took a quick glance at the boys. Oh yeah, Sam and Dean weren't pleased not at all.

"These are my Friends. Dean and Sam" they both nodded at him, not saying a word.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Logan asked.

"She's underage" Dean and Sam said at the same time, I frowned. Didn't Dean just offer to buy me one.

"Well if she doesn't mine I don't" Oh yes, this boy is good, Too good.

"No thank you, I don't drink" He shook his head.

"That means you can go back to the corner you came from"

I shot Dean a look, and glanced back at Logan who looked like he was deciding on whether or not to hit him.

"Actually, I would love a dance right now Logan" I said to piss Dean off. If he was going to act like a jerk again, I can act like the child he's making me out to be.

"Let's go my lady" He took my hand and led me out to the dance floor.

I got you underneath my skin

I cant figure out how I let you in

you look so good, but it feels so wrong.

No time to figure all this out

I was short compared to him. Even now, I noticed how big in size he was. He looked like a warrior or something.

"One of those guys your boyfriend" he asked smirking at me

"If they were do you think I'd be out here with you now?"

"I don't know. Would you?"

"No I wouldn't"

He spun me around so my back was facing him, Hands that were as big as my waist grabbed my hips pulling my body close to his.

"Good. I don't like girls that play games'" he whispered into my ear.

Oh if he only knew what game I was playing.

"Alex" Sam was right in front of me, I stopped Dancing. Logan kept his hands on me.

"We're leaving." I shook my head; "I'll be out in a minute" Sam glared at me staying in place.

Okay, not cool. I must have done something really bad to get that look from Sam.

"I guess I'm leaving"

Logan nodded and handed me a piece of paper "Give me a call sometime"

"I'm only in town for the night"

He smiled at me. "Who knows, you might need it one night" I smiled at him and walked away with Sam right next to me.

"What the hell was that all about Alex" Dean snapped as soon as I got into the Impala. "You mean dancing?"

"Dean calm down" Sam said sighing.

"Alex you don't know what guys' like that want"

"Oh give me a break Dean. I'm not a child"

"Then stop acting like one Alex. You're not here so you can go off with strange guys who only want one thing"

"Please Dean, He did nothing that you haven't done to all the women you meet at the bars. Oh wait, I'm sorry I'm wrong. He isn't bringing me back to his cheap motel for a one night stand. So you can shove that moral bullshit up your ass" I was near tears with how angry I got.

Dean drove in silence the whole way back to the motel. We parked in a spot, no one got out.

"Dean, I'm so-"

"Get in the motel Alex"

"Where are you guys going?" My heart sank

"To look into a case"

"Okay." I got out, and gave Dean and Sam one last look before they drove away.

----

It's been four hours and I haven't heard anything from the boys. I tried calling their cell and got no answer. I was starting to get worried.

I looked over to the 'principles of magic' book I had gotten earlier that day. It was lying on my bed; I had been reading it an hour before.

I remember having read about finding lost things, and something called scrying. Could I do it to find them?

God I'm going crazy. Magic isn't real. But what harm is there for just trying it.

I filled a bowl of water and sat it on the middle of my bed. I sat crossed legged and took a deep breath. I know it said doing it out doors is best, but I had no time. I needed to find them, and I doubt it would work anyways. But I had to try.

I concentrated on the water, nothing happened.

"Please show me they are" I whispered more to myself.

The water starting to get foggy, an imagine was appearing, A long dirt road, a sign that said 'forest lane.' the picture changed to a house on the dirt road. It looked abandon. Inside was Dean and Sam tied to a chair.

I sat up straighter, the imagine to fade away.

Was that real? I dialed the phone hoping the boys would answer proving that I'm just going crazy, and didn't just really work magic. " Answer the phone" I said as it kept ringing.

I slammed my phone down on the table, and noticed a little white paper I was planning on throwing out. I frowned, No, I'll call a taxi. I looked in the phone the book, and found the number; I called it impatiently. "The number you tried dialing is out of service. Please hang up and make your call again"

"Ugh!" I was near tears, Oh god. Dean and Sam please be okay. I'm coming for you.

I did the last thing I could think of. "Logan, It's me Alex. I was wondering if I could get a ride"

* * *

IMPORTANT: Logan = Taylor Kitsch ;)  
so go look him up. & see how smexy he is =]


	5. Underneath My Skin Part 2

I paced back and forth in the parking lot waiting for Logan to show up. He had agreed quickly to help me out with a ride. I knew it was crazy to call him, A stranger who I had met that night, and only talked to for a total of twenty minutes -counting dancing- but I had no other way to get there. Dean and Sam could be in trouble, so going with him seemed like the only option right now.

I heard him pull in before I actually saw him. I should have figured I thought as I saw him take off his helmet. He was driving a Harley; Great, just freaking great. I guess I could put my fear of bikes behind me for Dean and Sam.

"Hey Logan," I said smiling as I walked over to him trying my hardest not to hyperventilate. I refused to let him know what was going on. I had to hide it, and I figured pulling one over on a guy like Logan would be hard.

"So you're not going to invite me in?" he said as he glanced back to the motel.

"No can do. I'm in a hurry... You do have an extra helmet right?" I asked a bit panicky when I didn't notice one. He smiled at me "Please tell me a girl like you isn't afraid of riding without a helmet?"

Or riding all together, I thought sarcastically to myself.

"Of course not, I just wanted too, you know, See." I gave him a small smile.

"Here put this on" He handed me his helmet smiling - A very nice smile at that- Okay I had to stop looking at this guy, he was doing something to my brain.

"What about you?" I hesitated taking it. Didn't he need one too?

"I'll be fine. I was only wearing that one because I figured you would want it" I nodded, if he hadn't had it I don't think I could have gotten on. As much as I wanted Dean and Sam back my fear of bikes was pretty big.

God I hate bikes, I thought with a shiver.

"Okay let's go" I said as I got on the bike, helmet in hand.

"We're we going to?"

"Forest Lane" He looked at me suspiciously

"You do know that's just a dirt road right?"

"There isn't a house out there?" I asked worried, maybe my vision, if I could call it that, was wrong. "No there is a house out there but it's abandon." Or not, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm sure that's where I want to go"

"Why?"

I sighed. I had figuring he would ask sooner than later, I had just hoped it would be later, A lot later.

"Those two guys I'm with? You see, their staying there tonight. Thinking about buying that house to be honest" That was a big fat lie and half. "And I was suppose to go out there with them but we got into a fight" semi-truthful. "And now I feel bad so I want to go and say sorry"

"I see" he didn't look like he believed me, but it's not like he has any reason to not believe me, Right?

"Well if that's the only reason" He said with a grin playing on his mouth, as he got off the bike "I think we should go back in your room and have a drink,"

"No. I really need to get there now."

"I'm sure the apology could wait an hour or so"

"Logan! Please. Just, Please take me there" I looked straight into his eyes. "Please" I whispered one last time. I'm not sure if it was for my benefit or his.

"Okay" He gave me a grin before getting back on the bike. I followed suit. "But I'm telling you that one day I'll see inside your room" I gave a small nervous laugh.

I really hope not, I thought as I put my arms around his waist and we drove off.

----

"Pull over" I yelled and I pulled on his Jacket hoping to get his attention. "We aren't there yet, It still down the road" He said when he turned the bike off.

"I know. But I'm going to walk the rest of the way" The last thing I wanted was for Dean and Sam to see that I brought Logan into this.

"No way, You're not walking. Are you nuts? It's three in the morning Alexandra; you don't know what kind of creeps are out there"

"I do know. It's Dean and Sam. Look, I sort of was lying to you before..."

"Really? I didn't notice" He said sarcastically.

"We got into a fight about you, and if they find out that you're the one that brought me here. Well, it'll only make it worse."

"You got into a fight about me?" He had a smile on his face, I way to happy smile; Typical male.

"Look I'll be safe I promise"

"I'll be an idiot for letting you go"

"Well you are a guy."

"Funny" He said with a smile still on his face.

"Alright. I'll let you go. But call me as soon as you get settled. If I found out that you died I'm going to be pissed at you. You can bet that I'll find a way to bring you back so I can yell at you. You got me Alexandra?"

"I got you" I said as I handed him his helmet and started to turn away.

"Wait Alex" I looked back at him. I found it odd that he looked sort of nervous.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you the rest of the way? I'll even walk down with you and hurry the hell back up here so your boyfriends don't notice me"

I thought about that for a moment. I wish, god how I wished I could say yes. But I had no idea what was going on in that house. Bringing Logan would only get him hurt.

"I'm sure, but thank you anyways" I turned around again.

"WAIT" I looked back this time he was off his bike and walking towards me. "I'll be mad at myself if I never got the chance to do this" He whispered as he looked at my lips before resting on my eyes.

My heart stopped. Oh god.

"Do what?" I forced myself to say. I should be running right about now, screaming for Dean and Sam. Yet, Oddly I stayed there with my feet firmly in place, my mouth open slightly, waiting for him to make his move.

As much as he scared me, I couldn't deny that I felt something with Logan. Something that didn't make sense, something that felt almost... old, as if I had known him forever.

"This" He leaned down, his hands on the side of my face. He stopped a moment before his lips touched mine, Looking into my eye's as if asking for my permission. He was giving me one last chance to run from him. For the life of me I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave.

His lips came crashing down on me. They we're hungry and hot. There was nothing sweet about the kiss. It was full of passion and possessiveness- I liked it, A lot, God how I liked it.

I felt him smile against my lips before pulling away, my eyes stayed shut, refusing to open.

"I'll catch you later Alex" He said leaving me there breathless, by the time I opened my eyes he was already gone.

----

I walked past the Impala. God how happy I am to see that car; Which was strange seeing as how I'm not a car person at all.

I walked on to the porch of a very scary looking house. No wonder Logan didn't believe me when I said they were going to buy it; This place was half falling down.

I crouched down and looked through a dirty window. My heart speed up, I saw the boys tied to a chair. They looked unconscious. My heart started to race even more, I hoped they we're okay.

I walked slowly towards another window. Wincing every time the wood would creek which was every thirty second it seemed.

I couldn't see anyone in the house other then the boys. I couldn't even hear anyone else.

I slowly crept into the house; Trying to make as little noise, as possible; in case someone else was inside the house.

"Dean... Sam" I said as I kneeled in front of them.

They didn't move. Oh god no.

"Dean" I slowly moved my hand towards his throat to see if I could feel a pulse. Right before my fingers touched his neck he opened his eyes.

I held back a scream; Stupid, stupid Dean.

"Alex?" He sounded like he was unsure if this was a dream or reality.

"Dean... Shh. I'm going to get you out of here okay." I went to behind the chair to untie the knots that kept him from escaping

They looked like some tough knots. I sighed this was going to take awhile.

"Dean Do you have a knife on you?" I whispered.

"No." He sounded angry, well at least now I know he was awake.

"Okay, sit still. I'm going to try to get this undone okay?"

"What are you doing here Alex?" he hissed, I ignored him and started on the knots.

It took about 3 minutes until I got them undone. I went to go untie Sam's who seemed to still be unconscious, but breathing.

"Here go get a knife out of the trunk" He threw me his keys

"Dean..."

"Now Alex"

I got up and ran to the Impala, I opened the trunk and got a knife out, not before I heard a loud crashing nose from inside the house.

I ran into the house and seen Dean fighting with some hells angel looking guy.

"ALEX" I looked over and saw Sam struggling to get out of the restraints. I ran towards him, thankful that he was up. I was careful not to get in the way of Dean and the guy he was fighting.

"Sam sits still" I hissed as I tried to cut the rope.

As soon as he was free he was on his feet ready to fight. But Dean had already knocked the guy out.

"What was that?" I asked Dean who had a fresh cut above his eye.

"That was a human" Dean said as he threw down a crow bar he had picked up during the fight. "I freaking hate humans" He said shaking his head.

----

"So I don't get it Alex, How did you know where we were?" I bit my lip and looked out the window of the impala.

I had lied to Dean and Sam about how I got there. Saying that I had ran there, having been on the track team in high school for my freshmen year before my parent's had me do my school work from home.

So running three miles wasn't that big of a deal.

We pulled into the motel parking lot, I still hadn't thought of what to tell them on HOW I had been able to find them.

"Would you believe me if I said it was a lucky guess?" I asked as we walked towards our room.

Dean shot me a glare "Alex" His voice held a warning tone. "I'm just trying to figure out the best way to tell you, with out, you know, you freaking out"

"So you're trying to lie?"

"No-" Yes "I'm trying to think of how to word it the best possible way."

Sam opened our door, Dean and I were still staring at each other.

"I don't think you have to worry about that Alex" Sam said before letting out a long sigh.

I looked at him and noticed his gaze was landed on the book and bowl of water.

"Alex. Tell me this isn't what I think it is?" Dean asked walking into the room, getting the full view.

"Umm, Okay, It's not what you think it is?" I asked hesitantly.

"You're dealing with things beyond your control here Alex. Do you know how stupid that is?" Dean asked angry. Sam just stood there staring at me as if I had two heads.

"Look. What do you want me to say Dean… Sam. I had to find you. And I was reading-"

"Yeah, about that, why exactly where you reading this crap?" Dean asked as he picked up the book and looked at it disgustingly.

I was getting upset. I had saved them and here they are treating me like a... a child, again.

"Well if you remember Dean" I took the book out of his hands "You didn't give me enough time to get other books on protection." I knew it was a low childish blow to blame him. But I felt bad. I hadn't done anything wrong.

Magic felt right when I was, well, when I was doing what I had done. It didn't feel evil or even powerful. It just felt right. Not that I was going to say that too them.

"You aren't going to twist this around and put it on me Alex"

"Dean, Stop treating me like a child"

"Well if you would stop acting like one then I wouldn't have to"

"I HAD TO FIND YOU! DONT YOU GET THAT! YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE I HAVE LEFT" I nearly shouted in his face, and instantly regretted my lack of self control.

"Alex-" Sam said softly. Great, pity, I cut him off.

"Look. I know I'm not in the whole Sam and Dean Club, You guys are brothers and that bound is something that won't ever be broken. I know there isn't room for me with you guys. I know that I'm just some child-" I spat the last word looking at Dean, who had gone still for a moment "But I care for you guys. You're all I have right now, and I would rather not lose you."

"You're not going to lose us" Sam said moving closer to me.

"Really, cause, tonight I almost did"

"Hey-" Dean looked appalled "We could have taken that guy out"

"Yeah how? How would you have gotten out of those ties?"

Dean had his thinking face on then frowned. "We would have figured something out" He looked at me and rose an eyebrow "Speaking of being tied up. How did you get the knot undone so fast?"

"Oh. That's easy, Sleep over's" I was suddenly glad for the change of tone, I was happy to answer.

"Sleepovers?" the boys said in unison.

"What? At sleepovers me and my friends would have contest to see who could tie each other up the fastest or untie...." By the look on their faces I could tell this wasn't a common practice.

Dean smirked "And was this before or after the pillow fights" I rolled my eye, refusing to answer that question.

It was quite for a moment before I said something. "Look I want to learn how to hunt. I need to know that I can help you guys if you need it."

"You agreed to be on the sidelines Alex" Dean said tiredly as Sam just sat there.

"I know, and I'll stay on the sideline. But I should still know how to defend myself."

"She's right Dean. I mean could it hurt to show her how to use a gun?" Sam asked Dean.

Dean sighed. "Fine. But no more of this magic crap. Understand?"

"Yes" I didn't need magic. It was some fluke that this even worked to begin with. I smiled at the boys. But if that was true, Then why did I feel like I just agreed to give up a big part of me.

----

_Two figures stepped out of the shadows at the old abandons house watching with indifferent eyes as the cop car left the house in its wake._

_"She did well tonight." The younger one said to his superior_

_"Yes, But not well enough. We need her better"_

_"Sir, she got through all the shields without a flinch."_

_"I want her better-" The elder said with power in his voice. It was a moment before he talked again "Those two seem to be in the way"_

_"Yes, they are a problem" The younger one agreed with fire in voice._

_"Do what you have too. I want her ready,"_

_"Yes sir."_

_"No matter the cost" He said with a final glance at the other before disappearing back into the shadows of the night."Soon, you'll be ready. Soon, little star." The younger one said with a smile on his face before his eyes flashed and he was gone._


	6. Some goodbyes aren't forever

_**Takes place during1x11 scarecrow.**_

_"Logan, what are you doing here?" I looked around wondering why he would be here. I hadn't talked to him since the night he unknowingly helped me save Dean and Sam._

_"I'm here for you" He said as he walked towards me._

_Mist covered the grass and lake making the image almost surreal. I wish I had a camera, this place was beautiful, I thought to myself._

_He grabbed my hand, and pulled me closer to him. He smiled down at me; His 6'2 frame was giant compared to my 5'3._

_"So tell me, Why did you dream of me?" His grin was beautiful, breath taking._

_I shrugged my shoulder, and smiled at him, putting my free hand on his chest._

_"Maybe I just needed you" I told him... He frowned at me. "I'm the one that needs you. I've always needed you."_

_"Well now that you have me. What are you going to do?" I asked him, aware of every nerve ending in my body. I felt alive, and free. This is where I wanted to be; where I was meant to be._

_"I'm going to do this" he whispered softly. Slowly his head lowered as his hand gently touched my back of my head bringing me closer to him._

_I tilted my head up, as I stood on the tips of my toes. His lips came closer to mine. I could feel the heat pouring off of him, crashing to me like a tidal wave. It was overwhelming._

_"I never want to let you go" He whispered against my lips. I felt sad, and confused. Why would he have to let me go. "Then don't?" I said pulling away. A frown replaced my smile._

_"You have to go now," He said, his voice sounding far away._

_"What are you talking about?" I asked, "Logan?" I looked around not seeing him there anymore._

_"LOGAN?" I yelled...._

_"I'll come back for you Alexandra... I've always came back for you" I heard a faint voice say._

----

"Dad? Are you hurt?" I immediately opened my eyes.

John was calling? Though I had been on the road with the boys for awhile now, John was still M.I.A. For him to be calling something must have happened.

"We've been looking for you everywhere. We didn't know where you were, if you were okay."

Sam's voice sounded panic yet you could hear a bit of anger in there too. Not that I could blame him.

Dean slowly opened up his eye's and looked at Sam then Me with a confused expression on his face.

"We're fine. Dad, where are you?" Sam said causing Dean to sit right up.

"What? Why not?" Sam sounded angry, I could only guess that John wouldn't tell him where he was.

"Is that Dad?" Dean asked sounding as Sam had did a moment before.

"You're after it, aren't you? The thing that killed Mom." My breath caught in my throat. Did he find it?

"A demon? You know for sure?" I looked at Dean, he was the stillest I have ever seen him.

"A demon? What's he saying?" Dean asked Sam, who just ignored him.

"You know where it is?" Sam said slowly.

"Let us help." the was pause, and Sam frown.

"Why not?" Sam face turned to anger in a matter of seconds.

"Give me the phone." Dean said putting his hand out.

"Names? What names, Dad—talk to me, tell me what's going on." Sam was almost yelling. I could feel his frustration all the way on the other bed.

"No. Alright? No way."

"Give me the phone." Dean sounded harsh as he said that, causing me to look at him. Didn't he get that this was important to Sam.

Dean grabbed the phone from Sam without waiting.

"Dad, it's me. Where are you?… Yes, sir.… Uh, yeah, I got a pen. What are their names?" He wrote down the names, Not once looking at Sam or me.

Was he really just going to let his dad go without them? Without Sam, Who's only reason for hunting again was to get this monster that killed Jessica?

Never taking my eyes off Dean I knew the answer to my question; Yes. Taking orders from his Dad was one thing Dean Winchester never said no too.

----

I sat in the back of the Impala as Sam got into the driver's seat, Dean in the passenger seat. Both were unusually quite.

It had been a week since the last hunt which turned out to be a crazy human. Who was now -hopefully- locked away for good?

In the past week I had learned (when I say learned, I mean not gotten hurt) how to fight and use a gun; both which seemed to be dangerous to me and those around me.

Dean and Sam had kept their promise of training me to the best of their abilities. (Which was hard, seeing as how I was a terrible shoot and horrible fighter.)

It seems as though my fear of bikes is also a fear of guns and hurting people.

"Alright, so, the names Dad gave us, they're all couples?" Sam said breaking the silence.

"Three different couples. All went missing."

"And they're all from different towns? Different states?"

"That's right. You got Washington, New York, Colorado. Each couple took a road trip cross-country. None of them arrived at their destination, and none of them were ever heard from again."

"Well, it's a big country, Dean. They could've disappeared anywhere."

"Yeah, could've. But each one's route took 'em to the same part of Indiana. Always on the second week of April. One year after another after another."

"This is the second week of April."

"Yep."

"So, Dad is sending us to Indiana to go hunting for something before another couple vanishes?"

"Yahtzee. Can you imagine putting together a pattern like this? All the different obits Dad had to go through? The man's a master.-" Sam pulled the car over causing me and Dean to glance at him "What are you doing?" Dean asked, he was obviously as confused as I was.

"We're not going to Indiana." Oh no, I held my breath. I knew were this was heading.

"We're not?" Dean asked still confused.

"No. We're going to California. Dad called from a pay phone. Sacramento area code."

"Sam." You could hear the tiredness in Dean's voice. He didn't want to fight about this, but he knew it was coming.

"Dean, if this demon killed Mom and Jess, and Dad's closing in, we've gotta be there. We've gotta help."

"Dad doesn't want our help."

"I don't care. "

" He's given us an order."

"I don't care. We don't always have to do what he says." Sam said firmly.

"Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it's important."

"Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I'm talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge."

"Alright, look, I know how you feel.

"Do you?-" Sam tone was harsh "How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?"

"Dad said it wasn't safe. For any of us, I mean, he obviously knows something that we don't, so if he says to stay away, we stay away." Dean was getting angry, but trying hard not to lash out.

"I don't understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it's like you don't even question him." Sam said with disgust in his voice. This wasn't good. Not at all.

"Yeah, it's called being a good son!" Dean said almost yelling. Sam got out of the car, Me and Dean fallowed him. Sam was in the trunk taking out his bags, Dean was shaking his head

"You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don't care what anybody thinks." I looked at Dean shocked at what he had just said.

"That's what you really think?" Sam asked.

"Yes, it is."

"Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California." He walked away without glancing back.

"Dean, do something!" I hissed, He can't let Sam leave.

"Come on, you're not serious." Dean said walking after him.

"I am serious" Sam said not missing a beat.

"It's the middle of the night! Hey, I'm taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?" Finally it got Sam's attention; He turned around.

"That's what I want you to do." There eye's met, neither of them blinking for a moment.

"Goodbye, Sam." Dean said as he started to walk towards the car.

"Dean" I said, He ignored me. "Sam?" I looked at Sam hoping to find reassurance that this wasn't how this was going to end.

"You better go Alex. You don't want him to leave you here" He said not taking his eyes of the Impala.

"Please don't do this " I said quietly. I heard the trunk shut. "Sam..." I wasn't even sure he heard me till his eye's landed on mine.

"I have too... You better go"

"Sam-" The horn interrupted me. "Fine" I said walking away from him angry and hurt.

How could he just leave Dean? Leave me? I know how much he wants to kill the monster behind Jessica's Death. I know that feeling all too well. But to leave Dean, After everything he had said to me before, He was just going to walk away.

So much for not being able to leave his brother, I thought unhappily to myself. As I got in the car I gave a quick glance to Dean. His eyes were on the road, knuckles white around the wheel.

"Dean..."

"Don't Alex"

I stayed quiet, not wanting to upset him more.

I felt bad for both Sam and Dean. Dean more so, As strong as he is, I don't think he's one to be with out his father's wishes -or orders- Sam, well, No matter how much Sam is hurting from Jessica's death and his 'visions' He doesn't seem to get the fact that he is all Dean has. Same goes for Dean, Who doesn't seem to realizes that Jessica was his brothers family, was the love that he lost but never will forget. How can he think that Sam can just push that away for his father's orders?

"Why are we here?" I asked as I noticed we pulled into a Motel parking lot.

"I thought we had to drive straight too Burkittsville?" I was confused.

"It's the next town over"

"Okay... So why are we stopping?"

Dean looked at me. "Alex. You're not going with me on this. Your staying in this motel room till I tell you otherwise"

"Dean I could help you"

"Alex not now...Just. Not now. Okay?"

"Okay."

He looked at me and raised his eyebrow "Okay? You're not going to fight me on this?" He was shocked.

"No" I said glaring at him. "But just promise me that you'll call me every chance you get and let me know you're alright?"

He laughed "Sure. Come on let's get you signed in"

"Fine" I said sighing as we got out of the car and headed towards the office.

"Hey Alex..." I looked over, Dean seemed nervous. I gave him a smile. "I know. Just be safe okay?"

"Yeah, Okay" He said as he put his arm around my shoulder and shook his head grinning.

----

As soon as Dean left I did the first thing I thought of.

Call Sam.

It rang a few times before he finally picked up.

"Sam?" I asked not even waiting for him to answer.

"Alex? Is everything okay?" He sounded worried. Good, He should be worried I thought to myself.

"Yeah every thing's okay. I just, Well..."

"I'm okay"

"Good."

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"How's Dean?"

"Ask him yourself Sam"

"I doubt he wants to talk to me"

"Can you blame him Sam?"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"What do you think? You're the only one he has Sam. And you just walked away from him"

"Don't try to put me through a guilt trip... Plus, He has you"

"It's not the same and you know it Sam. You're his brother. He loves you"

"Sam you want anything else?" I heard a girl in the background, I frowned.

"Who was that?" I asked after he said no.

"Just this girl Meg I met at the bus station"

"Oh... So you're really leaving, huh?"

"Yeah" I sighed.

"Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of him okay?"

"No Sam. He's your brother. You take care of him." He sighed.

"Don't you get it? I have to go. I HAVE too. You out of anyone should know that"

"I do Sam. I really do. But do you think it's worth leaving Dean behind? He's your brother. He loves you"

"He's too busy following Dad's orders to be my brother."

"Whatever Sam." I hung up on him. No matter how childish that seemed. I was upset, and I didn't want to say something I might regret later.

----

_"Mom, Dad. I'm home" I called as I walked through the house looking for them. "Mom! Dad!" I called again, why weren't they answering?_

_I walked into the kitchen and looked around. No sign of them in here I thought._

_"Alexandra" I looked around for my mom. Wasn't that her who just said my name?_

_"Mom?" I asked walking out of the kitchen. "Mom. I'm home. Where are you?"_

_"In here Alexandra" My father said from the kitchen. I frowned. I was just in there, No one was there. But that's were his voice came from._

_I walked back into the kitchen. My heart stopped._

_"MOM! DAD!" I ran towards them, both of them were bloody._

_"What happened to you? I'll call the police. Oh god" I was a wreck. What was going on? Who did this to them. I went to the phone. There was dead silence._

_"Mom! Dad! The phone, it's, It's not working!"_

_I ran back over to them with a towel in my hand. Why were they just standing there? With this much blood they should be on the floor in pain or something._

_"Who did this" I cried as stood in front of them._

_"You did Alexandra"_

_"What?" No I didn't I wasn't even home..._

_"Mom what are you talking about it?"_

_"You killed us Alexandra. Our blood is on your hands" My father said. No, no. This can't be right, Something wrong._

_"No, I wasn't even home. You don't know what you're talking about"_

_"Look at yourself Alexandra. You're the reason we're dead"_

_"You let us die"_

_"Mom-" I reached out to touch her and saw blood on my hands. Lots of blood, Oh god!_

_"No! I WASNT EVEN HOME!"_

_"YOU KILLED US" They shouted together, as they walked closer to me, Blood pouring out of their bodies._

_"NO!" I screamed._

_"It's your fault we're dead. We we're your parent. Didn't you love us?" Mom said to me._

_"I did" I cried._

_"You never fit in with us. But we tried. We kept trying and this is how you repay us"_

_"I DIDNT DO IT" I screamed. Why weren't they listening to me. I didn't do it._

"ALEX" I felt hands on my shoulders as I opened my eyes. I was gasping for air, for life. Tears soaked my face. "Dean?" my voice was as shaky as my whole body. "I'm here, It was just a dream" I sat up quickly, draping my arms around Dean's neck, Putting my face on his shoulder.

"Shh" His hands rubbed my back soothingly. "its okay" He whispered into my ear.

"No, No it's not" I cried on his shoulder. His shoulder that I just noticed was bare.

"You're not wearing a shirt?" I sniffled into his neck after a moment. My heart was racing. Was it from the dream or the half naked Dean?

He chuckled. "I was in bed. I never sleep with a shirt on" He tried to pull back, I held on tighter. I felt him stiffen.

"Please. Don't let go. Not yet" I knew I was acting like a child holding on to him like this. But my dream had gotten to me. I needed someone to hold onto, And Dean always seemed to be the best anchor.

"Okay" He said softly, his shoulders relaxing after a moment. "I'll be here for as long as you need me"

I nodded, still not letting him go.

"Dean..." I leaned back so I could look him in the eyes, my arms still around him.

"Yeah?" His voice was quiet; his eye's locking with mine.

I took a deep breath. I knew this was silly to ask, but I didn't want to be alone tonight.

"Can you sleep with me, until I fall asleep that is?" I was hesitant as I asked. I didn't want him to freak out.

He looked at me for a moment, I don't know if it was my tear streaked face or my racing heart -that may or may not have been because of him- He smiled at me.

"Sure." I gave him a small smile and moved over so he could lie beside me.

He lay beside me, not moving. I could tell this was awkward for him. That thought put a small smile on my face.

"So um." Dean started to say then stopped. I rolled over on my side to look at him.

"Thank you." He smiled at me.

"What can I say, spending the night with a beautiful girl is a weakness of mine" I rolled my eyes.

"So how did it go today?"

"It went. Looks like I'm dealing with a Pagan god. And a town full of nuts handing over people to it"

"Oh...-" I swallowed hard "Dean, If you need help-" He shot me a look.

"Thanks Alex. But I can handle this"

We were silent for a moment.

"I wish Sam was here" I said quietly. Dean started too laughed. I shot him a confused look. "What?"

"Just what every guy wants to hear when he gets a girl in bed. That she wishes his brother was there" I rolled my eyes and playfully smacked Dean's chest.

"Goodnight Dean" I said laughing, turning over to my other side, smiling brightly.

"Hey Dean" I said after a moment, my eyes shut and halfway asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Just so you know. I'm glad it's you that's here with me tonight"

"Goodnight Alex" I heard the smile in his voice.

I fell asleep shortly after that, leaving behind all the memories of my bad dream.

----

I woke up with a smile on my face. I had woken up a few times the night before, and every time I woke up Dean's arm had been wrapped around me protectively.

I could easily say last night was the best night I ever had. I rolled over hoping to see Dean, but frown at the emptiness of the bed, of the room.

I sighed getting up. There was a note on the table between the beds.

Alex went to talk to the professor. I'll be back later

Dean

Well it wasn't a declaration of love or even passion, but a girl can dream right?

It was strange these feelings I was having for Dean. Of course I thought he was amazing to look at. I had ever since I first laid eyes on him. Which felt like forever ago, But still, I hadn't really thought about him in more then, well, more than just Dean.

He was sweet and selfless yet at the same time a sarcastic ass. Whatever feelings I was having would have to go away. There was no way I could feel this or more, and even worse I knew there was no way he would ever feel anything for me.

Oh who was I kidding? I had feeling for Dean, feelings that I knew wouldn't go away. Damn it!

What would he ever see in me? Sure I have an okay personality, and I'm okay to look at. But I'm no model and I'm definitely not up to standers with the girls he had been with in the past.

I'm a virgin for god sakes. I can't see Dean with a virgin. He probably doesn't even know those exist anymore.

It's not that I'm waiting for marriage, but I had always wanted my first time to be with the person I was in love with. A guy I respected, who equally respected me. Someone if god forbids anything happened would stay by my side.

It was unrealistic of me to preach about waiting for marriage when I doubted I could. Which was one thing my parent's and I fought about constantly; My parents believed in waiting till marriage, but could I do that?

I wish I could. It was one of the things after my parent's death I had wanted to do for them to make them happy.

Not that it would be a problem, I would most likely die a virgin. Being out with the boy's (Or I guess just Dean now) isn't really an opening to meet guys.

Unless that guy happens to be a tall amazing kisser named Logan.

Logan...

I pulled out my cell phone and hit send before I even knew what I was doing, the phone was ringing.

"Yeah?" I smiled when I heard his voice.

"You know Logan. That's not the proper way to answer the phone-" He laughed, I heard banging and chiming sounds in the background.

"What's that?" I asked curious.

"Tools. I'm in the middle of fixing my bike"

"Oh... Well I can call-"

"No! I mean, I was done for the day anyways. So what's up?" I smiled.

"Nothing really, just sitting here bored"

"Really now? I can think of something to occupy you" Wow. I hope he is not talking about what I think he's talking about. I laughed nervously.

"I don't think I'm that bored" I told him.

"Too bad-" I could hear the amusement in his voice. "You know I was hoping you would call."

"You were?"

"Yeah. I was worried about you. It was in the paper that there was some sort of bust at the house you were staying at. Then with that girl coming by looking for you-"

"Girl? What girl?" I asked a chill running up my spine.

"I don't some chick said she was your sister and that you ran away from home with your boyfriend and his brother"

"What did she look like?" My voice cracked.

"Not like you that's for sure. She' was about 5'6 blond blue eye's cocky"

Ashley. I thought.

"Was her name Ashley?"

"Yea Yea that was it. Is she really your sister?"

My heart started to race. Ashley's looking for me, and is getting pretty close to finding me.

"No. No she isn't"

"I didn't think so, Not unless you were adoptive or something." He said with a laugh.

"Hey Logan, I have to go." I said feeling uneasy.

"Yeah, sure"

"I'll talk too you soon"

"Hey Alex"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of yourself"

"I will"

"Good" He hung up.

I lay back on the bed. I had to figure out what was going on. Why it was so important for a Demon to stay in Ashley's body, not only that but tries to track me when it knew I was with two hunters.

What was it about me that had them coming after me? Dean and Sam had both agreed that it might have had something to do with my adoption.

So was it my adoptive parents? No. They wouldn't have gotten involved in anything like this. They we're just bystanders in this.

So was it my birth parents? Was it something to do with them? Most likely, It did; Though I had no idea what.

I didn't know anything about them. They left me at a convent in upstate New York; were I lived until my adoptive parents had found me.

Why did they pick a convent to place me, Out of all the places why there; then in the end, to end up with a minister as a father? Something was going on, and I couldn't wait much longer to find out what.

----

"Sam?" I hoped he could hear the panic in my voice "I can't get a hold of Dean"

"What do you mean you can't get a hold of Dean?"

"He left this morning, and hasn't been back yet. He SHOULD be back by now. And he's not answering his phone. Sam I have a bad feeling-" I knew there was a good chance I was over reacting. But I'd rather be safe than sorry.

"He could just be busy" Sam said with a sigh.

"SAM! Something is wrong, I'm telling you, And if you won't do something about it… Well then, I will!"

"Alex. You said you wouldn't pull any crap like before"

"Well than help me Sam and I won't"

He sighed. "Fine give me a few hours. I'll find out where he's is."

"Thanks Sam"

"Sure thing Alex" He hung up. I sat on the bed feeling complete helpless.

Something was wrong I could feel it. I just hoped Sam got to him in time.

----

It was 9 the next morning and I was close to tears. I still hadn't heard anything from Dean or Sam. I paced back and forth around the room; to worried to be tired, Though I hadn't slept at all the night before.

"Come on guys. Call me. Please" I said as I kept pacing. I heard keys on the other side of the door. I stopped packing and looked at the door. My heart stopped beating.

Please, I thought; The door opened, Sam and Dean walked in!

"Thank you god" I said as I ran and jumped on Sam hugging him!

"I'm the one that almost dies and he gets a hug!" Dean said looking at me. I nodded my head still hugging Sam.

"You wouldn't have been in that situation if you would have taken me along with you" I said letting go of Sam.

"Hey I had everything under control" Dean said looking upset that I would think otherwise. I snorted.

"Yeah Dean, You always have everything under control." I smiled at him and gave him a hug.

"Can we try not to have every hunt 'under control' your way, please? I don't think I can handle it" He laughed.

"Thanks for getting my brother back" He whispered in my ear. I smiled and looked at Sam. "You're staying?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I figured you guys need me more than anything else."

"Your right, we do" I said happily. Dean's the one that snorted this time rolling his eyes.

I was just happy that I got both guys back. I don't know what I would have done without them.

* * *

Reviews = love = updates, So Review ;)


	7. The Birth And Death Of The Day Part 1

"_You can stop this, all of this from happening," he whispered as I watched the sun glisten off the lake. "I don't know what you're talking about Logan." I sighed, he smiled at me. How repetitive this all was, I thought. _

"_You have all this power in you, and you don't even know it-" he grinned at me before continuing "That's what's so amazing about you Alexandra, You don't have to be afraid. You can take down anything you want you just have to listen to me" _

_I walked away from him and dipped my foot into the water. The bottom of my white cotton dress getting wet in the processes. "Logan, I told you. I don't know what you want from me" My imagination must really be used up if I keep dreaming this. _

_It seemed this lake and Logan was the only thing I dreamt the past week._

_He always talked in riddles, Never making sense, always making me ask questions that he never answered. Was I going crazy? Is this how it all starts? Dreaming of a guy you hardly know, Who has all the answers you want, yet never tells you anything? _

"_Please listen to me Alexandra-" I frowned, but gave him my attention. "Trust your nature"_

"_What does trust my nature even mean?" This is my dream, I told myself. Shouldn't it make a bit of sense to me? _

_He smiled at me, and took my hands. "You have a power that can't be reckoned with. Use it. Practice what calls too you, when the time comes, Well, When the time comes you'll be ready" He turned to walk away. _

"_What do you mean when the time comes?" He stopped and smiled at me. "You'll know. When the time is right, you'll know what to say"_

"_You mean that little rhyme you taught me?"_

_The rhyme, which has been stuck in my head for the past week, all thanks, to this silly dream; I thought sarcastically_

_His face turned cold "That little rhyme-" he spat "Will be what saves your life" He closed his eye's frustrated. _

"_I'll be watching over you Alexandra. Don't forget that."_

"_Wait"_

"_I have to go."_

"_I know" I was confused, after all the dreaming about him and this place. I felt the most at home that I had in, well, in forever. "I'll see you again, right?" I knew it was a stupid question to ask, After all, It was only a dream. _

_He walked back towards me, he took my hands into his. _

"_I'll never leave you." he sighed and looked back at the tree's that held the brightest colors I've ever seen. "I have to go, And so do you" he frowned. "Please just remember what I said. When the time comes you know what to do. What to say" I shook my head, confused. _

"_I'll be watching over you." he whispered in to my ear, as I shut my eye's. _

'_Don't forget...' his voice floated across my mind causing me to shiver. _

_**I need you now, I need you here. Come to me, Bring me near. Close the end, open the start. Bring me the power that hides in the dark' **_

"Alex" Sam's voice was gruff waking me from sleep, I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head.

"Alex wake up" I took the pillow off my face and glared at him. I looked for Dean, who was the one who normally woke me up. He seemed to get some sort of joy out of it.

I didn't see him in the room; The bathroom door was open. I frowned.

"Is Dean getting gas station food again? I swear if he brings back Cheeto and Soda for breakfast I will personally kick his ass" I sat up and stretched letting out a yawn.

Sam kept his eyes on the floor; Eye's the seemed puffy from crying. My heart slowed down. "Sam? Where's Dean?" My voice was weak; From lack of sleep or something else I wasn't sure. But I would bet the latter.

"He's in the hospital-" Sam cleared his throat and looked me in the eyes- my heart was pounding in my chest. "There was an accident." I blinked back tears. I was still dreaming, I thought to myself. I have to be dreaming. 'There was an accident wasn't' who says that?

Sam sat on the bed next to me, taking my hand in his. I noticed how gigantic his hand was compared to mine. He laced his fingers in mine, giving them a squeeze.

"On our hunt last night he got injured, suffered a heart attack-" He shut his eye's as if not believing what he was saying "They say he doesn't have long to live Alex. A month tops" I pulled my hand out of his as if It was on fire.

"No. No Sam. People don't just get heart attack. Young healthy guys don't just get heart attacks" My voice was firm. I refused to believe anything he was saying. It made no sense; Dean was a survivor. And nothing, especially not some heart attack was going to stop him.

"It does was you get electrocuted with a hundred thousand vaults." His voice was warm laced with anger.

I didn't even know tears were falling down my face till Sam cupped my face with his hands, His thumb removing the tears.

"I'll find a way to save him, I promise." He whispered I wasn't sure if it was more for his benefit or mine; but I took it. After all that was all I had these days; Promises that may or may not be kept, but meant with every fiber of truth.

He wrapped his arm around me, letting me cry on his shoulder as he broke down too. I couldn't imagine the pain he was going through. I felt so broken and lost, and Dean meant so much more to Sam than too me.

How do you handle losing a sibling, your blood? I wept for Sam and Dean. But I also wept for myself.

----

I shut my eye's tight as I closed the Impala door behind me. Praying Sam was still in the shower. I had talked him into taking a shower before he started the research, Saying that it would refresh his mind, making the research easier.

I hated lying to him, but I had to get him out of the room. Sam had told me Dean didn't want me to show up at the hospital. I was angry that Dean would want me to stay away. So I knew my only chance was to snatch the Impala keys.

Did he honestly think I would take this laying down? That I was just say, 'Oh well Dean's in the hospital, let's go shopping.' Does he really think I don't care for him?

I turned the key in the ignition and heard the Impala purr to life. A small smile played at my lips. How I have grown to love that sound. Even as a none car lover, there was something about the Impala that made you smile. Yet, I had an idea it had everything to do more with Dean then the car it's self.

"He'll be back driving you in no time" I winced at myself. Now who's saying things for their own benefit?

I drove out the parking lot and three miles before my phone started to ring. I glanced at the caller ID Sam. I cleared my throat, I knew this was coming.

"Hey" I said casually as if I didn't just steal the Impala.

"Alex get back here right now, and I'll forget about what just happened?" I sighed at Sam's tone of voice. I knew that what I was doing was... Well wrong. And Sam didn't need to worry about this, but still... I had to see Dean.

"Sam. I have to see him"

"Yeah I get that. But showing up driving his car is going to give him a heart attack"

"That's not funny" the venom in my voice was obvious.

He sighed "I'm not being funny, I'm being honest. Just drive back here Alex...Please" He sounded so lost, I closed my eyes.

A horn honking made me open them. I had started to drift into the other lane. Guess that wasn't a good idea.

"ALEX. What was that?" Sam's concern was obviously for the Impala, I cleared my throat and forced a chuckle.

"Ah nothing, look Sam I have to go. I won't tell Dean I have the Impala okay?"

"How will you say you got there?" He asked tiredly, I frown feeling bad I was doing this to him.

"I don't know I'll think of something." Don't lie to me Alex. Dean's voice whispered into my head. Sorry Dean, I thought. Sometimes lying is for your benefit.

I hung up the phone, hoping that a believable lie would fall into my lap in a matter of minutes.

----

"I never figured you for a 'days of our lives' type of guy" Dean looked up at me an smiled- Which was quickly replaced by a frown. "What can I say, those Brady's sure know how to get into messes- What are you doing here Alex?" He sounded bad, which wasn't nearly as bad as he looked. I swallowed back the tears that I felt rushing forward, ready to betray me at a moment's notice.

"Oh, you know, Sam was being boring, all about research. I thought I'd head out and find the fun brother" Dean smirked "Funnier and Hotter, I can deal with that." He winked at me. I laughed, though all I felt like doing was crying. "I didn't say anything about hotter" He frowned.

I felt my chest tighten up, My eye's started to water. I tried to blink back the tears, which seemed to cause them to come faster.

"Hey, don't do that" Dean said with a sigh, I nodded as the tear's started to fully run.

"Come here" He patted the bed, I walked over my arms wrapped around my body, shielding myself from the pain I was feeling.

Dean is dying, seeing him here only confirmed that fact. My heart sank deeper into my chest. My parents are dead, and there's a good chance my best friend is lying in a gutter somewhere dead. Everyone I cared about, everyone I loved ended up leaving this world, leaving me. Why?

I sat on the edge of the hospital bed, not wanting to move or touch anything that could cause any pain to Dean.

He grabbed my hand, I froze. This was more contact than he normally allowed between us. After that night he had comforted me, He kept his distance physically- as well as emotionally- but I knew that was going to happen. Dean wasn't one for 'chick flick moments'. It was all smart ass comments to know that he cares.

"I don't think I'm going to make it out of this one Alex-"

"Dean"

"No, Look it's fine, I'm fine."

"You're fine with dying?"

He sighed and looked at me. He looked so tired; I just wanted to tell him to sleep. But would he wake up if he did? I held back my tears.

"When your in this line of work Alex, dying is what's going to happen, sooner or later the job ends up killing you. I always knew this day was going to come. I've come to terms with my death a long time ago"

"But I haven't" I whispered too him.

"Hey now. You'll be fine, and Sammy, Well he'll take care of you. But... You got to look after him too. He'll need you."

"No." I got off the bed and looked at Dean. "What is it with you Winchester; all you can think about is the other brother. You're dying Dean, Not Sam. So for once, don't worry about him. Worry about yourself."

"Alex"

I sat on the bed next to him, Tears falling faster by the minute. He put his arm around me, pulling me towards him. My head on his chest, the tears drowned out the sound of his fading heart.

I don't know how long I laid there on the bed with him, his arms around me, comforting me. In his time of need, He was making it better for me. Dean Winchester, always the martyr.


	8. The Birth And Death Of The Day Part 2

"I should get going" I sat up; the loss of his body next to mine was a surprisingly unpleasant feeling. "Dean... I'm not giving up hope, and neither should you."

"Just be careful with my car, or I swear I'm going to-" He paused and glared at me. I was frozen. How did he know I took the Impala, Did Sam call him?

He must have noticed the confused look on my face. He chuckled and pointed out of the window. "Visitor parking, there aren't too many 67' Black Impala's that look as good as her"

My mouth went into an O shape.

"I'm a good driver Dean" If you don't count the whole 'closing my eyes and almost crashing business' But he didn't need to know that. He gave me a knowing looking "You had a Saturn. Any 'good' driver wouldn't be caught dead in a Saturn"

"You're still on that?" I shook my head and sighed. "I'll see you later Dean" I started to walk away but turned back around. "I'll help Sam anyway I can" I knew the promise was one I would have a hard time keeping, but I would help fight this thing till the end.

I bent down and kissed his cheek, He stilled underneath the touch. "Try not to have too much fun, and for the love of everything holy, stop hitting on the nurses."

He gave me a 'who me' look, Causing me to smile; you can always count on Dean.

"Alex" I was at the door and turned. "Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid. None of that hocus pocus bullshit okay"

"Yeah of course"

----

"Hey Sam"

"Where are you?"

"I'm leaving the hospital right now" I shut the door of the Impala and cast a glance at Dean's window. Was he watching right now, I wondered.

"How is he?" Sam voice soften, My heart was breaking for him. Dean was all he had left in this world. If I had anything to do with it, He was going to keep him. No matter the cost.

"He's..." How was he, Did I even know how to answer that. Had he shown me any emotion other than 'okay'?

"He's Dean" Sam finished.

"Yeah, He's Dean. I don't know if you could get raw emotion from that guy-" I paused, "He looks bad Sam. I was hoping that when I saw him he would be fine, you know? But he's not. And I don't know how to fix this"

"We'll find away Alex" His voice was stern.

"I know. Anyways, I just was going to pick up food." And maybe some other stuff, but I kept that to myself. "Is there anything you want?"

"You're taking the Impala?" Sam questioned me. I sighed. "No, I'm taking the magic carpet. Yes Sam I'm taking the Impala. Dean knows I have it."

"You told him?!"

"No... I sort of parked were he could see me" I said real fast hoping he didn't catch it. The laughter on the other end made me frown.

"Good one" I rolled my eyes, surprised he stopped laughing long enough to get those two words out.

"I'll be back soon. I'll be safe, and I'll call you if I run into any trouble"

"Are you planning on running into trouble Alex?" Sam's tone was serious, did he know what I was going to do. I was glad he didn't see my face.

"You never know Sam. Trouble sometimes just happens."

He sighed, "Be safe"

"I will" I hung up feeling guilty.

----

The door chimed as I walked in. The smell of old books and candles filled the room. I never noticed how many New Age shops are around, Now I can't help but find them all. Every town seems to have one or two that just pop out at me.

How amazing this place is, I thought as my hand ran over the binding of the books. Was it crazy to say I felt the energies of the books? That they spoke to me? I shook my head, I must be going crazy.

Books and Dreams don't speak to you. It's just the stress of finding out about the supernatural, losing my parent's and Ashley- I closed my eyes- And Dean.

'I'm not going to lose him' I whispered to myself. I felt a zap, I looked at my hand. It stopped on a book.

'Old Magick'

I pulled it off the shelf and flipped through the pages. A passage caught my eye.

**'Come to me, Bring me near. Close the end, open the start. Bring me the power that hides in the dark' **

A spell used in calling forth a power that has been bind. Normally there wasn't need for such a spell. Though there are records in history that show powerful entities [Those of 'god' 'goddess' statues] Losing their power in what is believed to be the 'war of gods' Which I will talk about more in Chapter 17.

Had there been a need to call forth such a power, one wonders what effects it would cause on such a generation, Where the Magick they seek is often left to that of the modern world.

"He's amazing isn't he?" I turned confused to the women standing in front of me. She smiled and pointed to the book "Lucas West. What he writes about is so... Surreal, It makes you wonder what really out there" I smiled.

"I never heard of him before-" I said honestly "This just caught my eye." She nodded, "I love reading about all this stuff. It makes a girl hope that there's a little more out there than what meets the eye you know. This world can get a little, boring" she laughed. I smiled, If only she knew.

"Does he do anything on dreams?"

"Dreams? Well he touches on and off about them. Mostly he talks about Astral Projection in a Dream like State. It's fascinating, really. It's all in that book. I recommend it" She smiled at me.

"You seem to know a lot about him"

"What can I say, I love his stuff."

I knew it was a risk asking a stranger this, but I was out of my bounds.

"Does he do anything about stopping death?" My voice was a near whisper.

She frowned. "Death isn't something you can stop. In everything I've read. Everything that I believe to be true or otherwise, says the same thing. 'One life is born when One life dies. If you stop someone from dying, Your killing another. Who lives and who dies isn't something to be taken lightly"

"And if the person who is dying does great things? Saves people?" I asked more to myself than her.

"Who's to say that the life you'd be taking isn't great? How do you know they won't save someone, Or do great things for the world? It's hard when someone you love is dying; it's easier when it's just a name in the newspaper. You can't fight death, You can only welcome it's embrace. Death is peaceful, Life is hard-" She smiled at me "I have to get going I told my husband I'd only be gone for an hour-" She laughed "It's been three already!"

"Thank you. For the talk"

"You're welcome... And, whatever is going on in your life. I hope it works out for you"

"Me too" I said quietly as she walked away.

----

I blinked, waking up to the sound of fingers hitting the keyboard. I sat up and watched Sam type away on the computer, a day later and we still weren't close to finding something that could help Dean.

"Sam" I said groggily, "Come to bed" He glanced up at me before turning his attention back to the screen. "I can't." Two words, that's the most I got out of him in the last twelve hours.

"Sam, being sleep deprived isn't going to help Dean." His shoulders fell, his hands stopped typing.

"You wouldn't understand." he started typing away again. "Samuel Winchester. You get your ass into this bed right now or so help me, I will come over there and drag all 6'3 of you here and hold you down till you fall asleep. I am not playing a game, nor do I 'not understand' I understand perfectly. But getting this tired, Is unhealthy and stupid. The work will be there in the morning"

"Yeah well Dean might not be. And why do I have to go to bed Alex? So you can steal the keys again? Go ahead take the damn car."

I opened my mouth to say something, to say what, I'm not so sure. He stung me with that comment. Not that it was as uncalled for as it felt. I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry Alex"

I nodded my head, unmoving. I refused to look at him, or talk to him. What was there to say? What could I say other than the wrong thing. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, I didn't want to mother him. I wanted to be his friend, could I be that at this time.

Is this the relationship me and Sam would have - Is that how he would be if Dean was gone- Cold and callous?

I felt the bed shift, And glanced up. I hadn't noticed him getting into the bed with me. He sat there unmoving.

"He's my brother. I can't stop fighting. I won't stop fighting to save him."

"I'm not asking you to stop Sam, I'm just asking you to take a break. Wearing yourself out like this, it won't help. Not Dean and definitely not yourself. All that you're doing is amazing. The contacts you've gotten, the information on heart care. No one else I know would have been able to do what you did in a matter of weeks, let alone days. You need time to think about what you found, to breath. I just want you to rest Sam. Not give up, but rest. Please can you do that for me?"

"Ten minutes"

"Sam!"

"I'm serious Alex, Ten minutes."

"Fine-" I glared at him. "But your laying down right here. No ifs, An or, buts." He gave me a small smile and laid down beside me.

I sat there for a minute before laying down next to him.

"This is..."

"Awkward" I finished his sentence with a laughed.

I turned to my side so I could look at him. He had a confused look on his face "What are you thinking about" I asked he glanced over at me. "Dean"

"Oh" I said quietly, far from the laughter I was at a minute ago. That was a stupid question I admit.

How could he be thinking about anything but, When I couldn't even stop myself from thinking about Dean even when other things crossed my mind Dean was right there, always returning.

He rolled over onto his side, his body only inches away from mine.

"What do you plan on doing, After we kill the demon that's after you" I shut my eye's and sighed. "I don't know Sam. I mean, I guess I always wanted the whole 'college, boyfriend, great job, get married and have 3.5 kids. With a nice house in the country-" I paused and opened my eyes. Sam was watching me intently. I gave him a small smile. "But I don't think I can have that now.'"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just feel like, Once this type of evil touched your life you can never truly get rid of it. Not fully.... I just can't see myself with that life now. It seems so far away and unrealistic."

I shut my eyes and felt the emotions rushing forward. I could see all of it slipping away from me.

Walking down the aisle in a white dress, waiting for the man I love to take my hand and say 'I do'. My wedding night, Losing my virginity (If I hadn't already, but I hoped I kept that one little promise to my parent's) to soft kisses and touches that makes my heart race. Telling him I'm pregnant and the feeling of his happiness.

Putting band aids on boo boos and telling bedtimes stories about true love and dragons. All the fights about bills or what age a girl should be allowed to start wearing makeup. Fights over homework and boys, all of the stuff people take for granted, I would never get the chance to have. And I didn't even know why.

I felt Sam's arm go around me and pull me closer to him. "Hey' It'll be alright"

"No it won't Sam. Dean's dying, you're a complete mess and I'm not much better. We have these monsters coming after all from all sides-" I sobbed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help or how to make you feel better. I keep saying the wrong things to you, and here you are comforting me. GOD! You and Dean both need to stop being such saints and just let a girl feel bad"

"Alexandra Grace Parsons" I frowned, I never heard him say my full name. I looked at him.

"You just being here is helping in more ways than I can even began to thank you for. You're feeding me, Your making me rest and shower" he smiled at me. "You're doing everything you can, All that you can."

"Stop it" I flipped over to my back and frowned. "Stop making this about me Sam. It's about you." I admit that I pouted a bit and my voice was gruff. Once again the Winchester boys put my feelings before theirs.

Sam laughed and lend over me. He brought his hand up and wiped away my tears. He looked me in the eyes, and a small unsure smile played at his lips. "Maybe I want it to be about you" He leaned down slowly, my heart stopped.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice was telling me that this was wrong, that what was happening right this instant was a very, very bad thing. This could change everything between us. That it meant nothing more than 'out of control emotions' showing up in very unexpected ways; Like letting Sam Winchester kiss me, sort of ways.

His body heat over whelmed me as he moved forward, his lips centimeters away from mine.

BZZZ BZZZZZ.

I jumped up, hitting my forehead against his. "Ow" We both said as we rubbed our foreheads. I looked over at the nightstand, His cell phone vibrating. He glanced at me before picking it up.

"Hello?... Yeah, Yeah. I'm Sam Winchester.... You say a faith healer?.... He's legit? You sure?... He's located where again, Nebraska?...-" I moved off the bed and walked towards the bathroom door. Sam casted a glance at me, I smiled and quickly went into the bathroom.

I leaned against the shut bathroom door. I shut my eyes. What almost happened? I opened up my eyes and walked towards the sink, I looked in the mirror. My auburn hair, was messy. Some serious Bed head was going on. My eyes were bloodshot from the crying.

"You were about to let Sam Winchester kiss you-" I whispered to my reflection as she looked back at me. "Are you crazy?" I shook my head.

I turned the water on and splashed my flushed face.

What's happening to me? I thought once again. I feel like I've been asking myself that question a lot this past month; did my 'teenage' hormones finally decided to kick in or something?

----

"Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh….you probably won't even get this, but, uh….It's Dean. He's sick, and uh….the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um….but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right?-"

I paused. Hearing his voice brought me to a stop. I stayed still in the bathroom

"So, don't worry, cause, uh….I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright….just wanted you to know"

Here I was hiding in the bathroom, cause of some silly 'almost kiss' when Sam needed me. I was acting like a child.

I heard a knock on the door and frowned. Who would be coming here?

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw Sam shutting the door behind Dean.

"Dean" He glanced up and smiled. "Well I'm not going to die in a hospital were the nurses aren't even hot." He winked at me; I shook my head and headed over to the kitchen area, getting a glass of water for him.

"You know this whole I-laugh-In-The-Face-Of- Death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it"

"Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me." I froze, the glass of water in my hand; I chugged it. Sam glanced at me before continuing on. Dean looked confused and tired. Maybe it's time to go back into the bathroom.

I filled the glass up again, Remembering the original purpose.

"I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal."

"For what?"

"For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist."

"You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you?"

"I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going."

----

"What do you mean you want me to stay here?" I stood at the edge of the bed looking at Dean confused.

"Nebraska is only a 5 hour drive. We'll go there than come right back-" He sighed "This isn't a hunt. We'll be a day or two tops. Just stay here, do some reading. We'll be back" Sam helped Dean of the bed, Dean grunted in frustration and pain.

"Okay." I want to be with you Dean. Those seven little words were on the tip of my tongue burning to come out.

"Okay? Your not going to fight me on this?"

"No. Plus with you guys gone I can throw some wild parties. Knock over some convenient stores."

Dean grunted "Funny Alex. Real Funny"

I smiled. "You know. I'm not that big of a trouble maker as you seem to think I am. I'll be fine, I just wish I could with you. But fighting about it wont make you change your mind... You never change your mind" I said the last part more to myself than to him.

"If I knew dying was the answer to get you to agree with me-"

"Shut up. That's not funny"

"I think it's pretty funny"

"You would" He smiled at me.

"Alright Kids. Enough fighting, Dean lets go" Sam helped him out the door, supporting most of his weight.

"Call me." I said to the closed door.

----

I sat there on the bed wondering why I didn't put up a fight to go. Was it that I didn't have the energy to fight with Dean?

Did I not want to fight with him, Energy or not; He was dying and fighting wasn't something I thought would help.

Did it have something to do with the 'almost kiss' and being alone in the car with Sam and Dean for five hours seemed almost unbearably awkward.

Did I just not want to see him die, Which was a possibility if the faith healer mojo didn't work. Could I stand there and watch, As I did with my parents?

I sat on the bed, staring at my phone.

Four hours since they left and it felt like weeks. How could I last a few days.

"it'll be okay" I told myself, It HAD to be okay. Dean couldn't die. Sam wouldn't let him. I wouldn't let him.

I stood up and took the candles I had bought out of my bag, placing them sporadically around the room, resting the final one on the bed stand right next to me.

Candles help with relaxing. They always have, I'll just light a few and take a nap. Or lay down and pretend to nap till I get a phone call.

I sat crossed legged on the bed facing the door. I glanced at the candle. I had worked some kind of magic 'scrying' with water before. Could I do it with fire?

'None of that hocus pocus stuff Alex I mean it' Dean's voice drifted into my mind.

I sighed, I can't. Dean and Sam had both asked me not to do anything; Going against them now would be wrong and selfish. But it could help... I thought to myself.

I sighed looking into the flame, feeling lost. "I just want answers" I said out loud to myself.

_'Answers you shall get'_

Images started hitting me.

_I was standing there in a warehouse, dressed in some weird getup black leather get up. My hair was a lot shorter and a lot straighter. I had cuts on my face that seemed to be new and old. _

"_You did what had to be done" Logan told me, reaching out brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I stepped back. _

"_Don't you dare touch me, You could have stopped this. Stopped him, but you didn't."_

"_You needed to be tested Alexandra."_

"_Haven't I been tested enough?" My eyes shined silver. _

The image flickered.

_I stood there by the lake wearing the white dress I've seen myself in countless times. I was crying my shoulders hunched in pain. I looked up to the sky and screamed. _

_I turned around and looked at someone. _

"_Kill me-" I whispered, "I don't want to be this anymore. I can't do this." I saw blood on the front of the white dress. I shut my eyes and tears kept falling. _

My eyes snapped opened. My breathing was rigid. I heard a buzzing noise. I noticed I was in my hotel room.

I looked over, the phone was glowing in the dark, all the candles had been blown out.

I reached for the phone. "Hello?" My voice was shaky.

"Alex? Are you okay?" Sam. I sighed happily.

"I'm fine, Just a bad dream." I think. I looked around the dark room, scared of what might be in it be in it. Then it hit me that Sam was calling me and that they had just left, panic over took my body. "Dean is he-"

"Dean's fine. He's healed."

"WHAT-" I shouted "How, you guys just left?" joy overtaking the fear I was feeling.

"Alex we've been gone almost two days" Two days? A cold shill ran up my spine. "Are you sure your okay?" I could hear the doubt in his voice.

"Yeah, Yeah. Just two days, I mean. Um, It's just I-I guess I thought it would take longer. A week or something"

"Okay-" I could tell he didn't believe me " We'll it turns our there is a case here. The guys not really a faith healer-"

"I thought you said Dean was fine?"

"No he is, but someone else is dead. It's looking more and more like someone using magic to save people, but in the processes there killing someone else"

'it's easier when the dead are just a name in the paper' I frowned.

"Someone died so Dean could be alive?" I heard him sigh. "Yeah. But we have a lead, We're just about to go. I just wanted to tell you, I haven't heard anything from you. I just wanted to make sure your okay... We're okay?" I could tell he was trying.

I smiled. "We're fine Sam. And I'll be fine as long as you get you and your brother back here to this motel. There's only so much bad TV a girl can take."

He laughed a true laugh. One I haven't heard in awhile.

"Order a movie." I rolled my eye's "Yeah, okay"

"See you soon Alex"

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" I shut my eyes.

"Call me with more updates?" Could he tell that wasn't what I wanted to say?

"Yeah sure"

"Later Sam" I hung up the phone before I could tell him everything.

-----

The boys had been back for 3 hours 19 minutes 8 seconds. I still hadn't told them about what I saw. I don't know why I kept it a secret, I knew they would help me. After yelling at me for messing with that 'hocus pocus' Still, I didn't feel right telling them.

I didn't want them to tell me to stay away from magic. As scary as that night felt, It also had its own sense of being right. If I could control whatever is happening to me, I could change that outcome of what I saw.

I read that fate is always changing by the choices you make, So I would change what I saw. If what I saw was even true. (Though, it felt true)

_Fire doesn't lie._

I blinked, I could feel myself changing, growing into something. I didn't want to worry the boys.

"Are you serious?" I looked up at Dean, who hadn't said much since coming back. "What?" I asked confused.

"What the hell are you watching?" I laughed. "Hey Sam said I could order a movie" "Yeah, I did. But I didn't mean this" Sam grinned.

"What's wrong with this?" I looked at the screen and back at the boys who both had somewhat amused and worried expressions on their face.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed." Dean said falling into bed; it wasn't long before his snoring started.

I felt my eye's drift close

"Alex" Sam whispered, I felt him shift on the couch. He chuckled. "I can't believe I'm still watching Twilight, and she's asleep" A small smile crept on my face.

The last thing I remember is a silly thought running through my head, about how Bella has it made. And wishing I could find love like that.

* * *

Reviews, will make me happy :D


	9. The Worst Day Since Yesterday

_I waited by the lake pacing back and forth. "Logan" I called, waiting for him to appear. "Get your butt out here now! I know you can hear me" Truth be told I didn't know he could hear me; it just made sense that he did._

_But was I really ready for whatever I was about to find out? Ignorance is bliss, yet it feels like its hell._

_What was I going to say to him if he showed up? I could demand all the answers I want, but was he willing to give them to me? Was I willing to believe it?_

_After everything that happened to me it seems as though not believing isn't an option. As much as I wanted it to be, I had to face up to everything._

_Being naive will only get you and those around you killed, it's time to find out the truth. A voice whispered inside of me._

_"You rang?" He walked out of the trees an apple in hand, smiling as if he owned the world._

_"You're here" I said I walked towards him, He frowned at me "You did just call me" I sighed. "No you're here. Really here" I was face to face to him now. "This isn't just a dream is it Logan." Could he hear the distaste in my voice? I hoped he could._

_He nodded his head; his eyes glancing down. Not so cocky any more I thought. "You figured it out"_

_"Who are you?" Was he playing me all this time, was he some demon. Was he the one who killed my parents?_

_"No!" He stepped forward and grabbed my arm. I pulled it back "Don't touch me"_

_"I'm sorry. I-I just.-"He sighed and looked at me; you could see how lost he felt. How unsure of his words. Knowing that anything he said could be used against him._

_"I'm not a demon, and I didn't kill your parents" He can read my thoughts. Of course he could, I knew that already didn't I? After all the other dreams, all the other signs; I should have figured this out sooner._

_Coincidences aren't real, neither are nice guys._

_"Stop reading my mind" Do you want to know what I truly think about you Logan?_

_He shut his eyes; I can't stop reading your mind. He looked at me, hesitantly; as if afraid I would disappear. "Block yourself from me."_

_"What?"_

_"Block your mind; shield it from any outside influences'."_

_"I don't-"_

_"Yes you do… Just concentrate, imagine a steel cage, inside that cage is you. Nothing can get in and nothing can get out"_

_"What are you talking about Logan?" Is he crazy? Great I have a crazy guy stalking my dreams, just great._

_"I'm not crazy Alexandra."_

_"STOP READING MY MIND"_

_"Then do it close your eyes imagine it" Fine I'll do it and you'll see that your just a freak. I thought, mostly for him then myself._

_I closed my eyes and pictured myself sitting in a room, steel walls and floors. No doors, no windows. Nothing could get in and nothing could get out._

_I opened my eyes and looked at him. "Okay now what?" I was frustrated and tired. Can't you just stop reading my mind? That would be a lot easier you know._

_"Nothing, I'm out"_

_"You're out?" He smiled proudly at me. "I'm unable to read your mind"_

_"I don't believe you" My words didn't match what I felt; was it crazy that I still felt something with him? Some attachment that was different than with the brothers, different than anything normal, Human?_

_What was it about him, about this place that brought out all these… connections, to something? What that something was I wasn't sure, but I knew it wasn't good, wasn't normal._

_I glared at him, getting impatient. With him, or myself was the question._

_"I'll ask you one more time Logan. Who are you?" He stood there watching me, not making a noise._

_I shook my head; I felt as if it was about to explode. "Stay out of my dreams or I'll be going to Dean and Sam and I swear they will find you-"He laughed, stopping me in my tracks._

_"Dean and Sam don't have the abilities to stop me" Fear rushed through me._

_"Alexandra. Listen to me; I don't want to hurt you. If anyone could kill me, it would have to be you. Don't you see what I have been trying to tell you? You don't need them; you're stronger than they are. They will only hold you back. You belong with us"_

_"Us?"_

_"Your family, your kind" he was so serious when he said that. So honest, I felt a part of myself want to believe him. I shook that thought out of my head. He's wrong, He's lying. I don't have a 'kind' or 'family'_

_"My family is Dead" I didn't break eye contact with him as I said this; I saw something in his eyes fade. He shook his head. "No they aren't. All the answers you're looking for can be answered-" He tilted his head to the side._

_"But you haven't been looking have you? You've been lying to yourself, too those guys you're with. You've been feeling things, things you can't understand and explain. You've been hiding them. "_

_"No"_

_"Don't lie to me Alexandra. When will you see that you're not normal? Not human."_

_"I'm not human?" My voice questioned his insanity, but hadn't I just had those thoughts? Haven't I been feeling different', something growing, changing me._

_"No." He voice challenged me._

_No I thought to myself. Everything changes and grows; we spend our whole lives doing that. That didn't mean I wasn't human. I refused to believe anything else._

_"Then what am I Logan? What are you? Cause let me tell you something, I feel pretty human."_

_"You're whole life you felt different from all the people around you. Less human; less real"_

_"You don't know what you're talking about. You're crazy"_

_"Tell me something Alexandra, do you feel it; the powers inside of you."_

_I had a thousand things screaming inside of me; all wanting to deny what he's saying._

_"The bar, which was a set up wasn't it?" He stood for a moment unmoving, frozen in place._

_"Yes" I nodded my head, having expected that. Then something else clicked, how stupid had I been._

_"The hunt they want on was a trap, wasn't it?"_

_"Yes" One word sent a rush of anger rushing in my vain. My heart was beating faster, my palms sweating. I felt as if I was bomb ready to explode._

_"And Ashley, she never came by did she… all that was a lie?"_

_"Yes, not that it mattered"_

_"Not that it mattered?"_

_"She was your best friend, have you been asking the boys to look for her? Have you? No. You know that once you find her, that if she isn't human you would kill her."_

_"I would never kill her"_

_"You've been hiding from finding out the truth. You know in your gut that this road will only leave you less human than what you really are. The strongest emotions you've been feeling is lust and revenge. Isn't it?"_

_"So what I'm some grudge holding sex freak?" I laughed. "You're crazy you know that; I want out of this Dream. I want out of whatever games you're playing"_

_"I'm telling you the truth. You asked for it, now you're turning your back on what I'm telling you."_

_"You want to know what I felt Logan?" I screamed as I walked towards him._

_"I felt like dying, I felt as if everything in the world was wrong. I lost my faith; everything I ever grew up believing was a lie. God could care less about what happens to me. But you know what; those demons' are walking around among us, killing innocent people. So yeah, I'm angry, I wanted to find the person who did this to me and make them pay; I wanted to make them feel a pain they never felt before. So you're right, I want revenge. So I've been keeping busy, Because I don't trust myself, Because I know that what I'm feeling is wrong and downright scary. An eye for an eye would leave this whole stinking world blind."_

_"And Ashley, The things she's been through because of me? That's guilt. That all selfish guilt, I can't find her because I know when I do she'll ether end up dead or a shell of what she use to be. And I can't force myself to deal with that. I wake up in the morning putting a mask on; a brave face for the boys. And you know what, your right. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of hiding these things I'm feeling"_

_He took my face into his hands; looking into my eyes._

_"Then don't hide them Alexandra. Your power is seeping out, you need to control it. To learn how to handle it, not deny it. If you do, you'll be sorry. Not only will you be paying the price but so will everyone around you"_

_"I don't have power Logan" As I said that I knew it was true, Could I keep denying it? Or at what price was I going to pay to acknowledge it._

_He sighed and stepped away from me._

_"When you're ready to talk call me" He turned around, and then stopped. "Sam and Dean-"He said their names with disgust "Will throw you away once they find out the truth about what you really are. I suggest you learn it on your own. Or you'll be faced with a choice to kill two humans that you seem to enjoy"_

_Then poof he was gone. No smoke and mirrors, not walking in the forest as he had done so many times. This time he was just gone._

_I stood there alone and wonder if he was right. Would Sam and Dean hunt me? No it was impossible, After all they cared about me didn't they?_

_I needed to find out the truth about myself, and no matter Logan's warning. Sam and Dean were going to know everything; Even if it killed me._

* * *

_hmmm, Review? Pretty please, with sugar on top :D_


	10. Things I Forgot At Birth Part 1

I sat up in bed wide awake. I looked at the clock, 4:30 am. I sighed; this was going to be a long day. I quietly got out of bed making sure I didn't wake the boys. Then I stopped, I fell asleep on the couch watching Twilight? How did I get into bed?

One of the boys must have carried me; most likely Sam since Dean had already been asleep. I shook my head and continued into the bathroom.

Sam and I still hadn't talked about the 'almost kiss' Which was a good thing I guess. Did I really want to talk to him about him? No and Yes. I liked Sam, I did. He was sweet and caring. He had a smile that could make the coldest hearts melt. The way he was with a computer was just, well… Hot. I had never known anyone who could hack into the FBI or CIA database. He was good; after all he hasn't gotten caught yet.

But there was something else, something about him that I couldn't connect too. Which I found weird, Sam and I were a like in a lot of ways. Both wanting something more in our lives, yet, here we are on the road.

So what could I say to him, 'hey Sam. That 'almost kiss' yeah it didn't mean anything, you know our emotions were just going crazy about Dean'

No; because that would be a lie. That almost kiss did mean something, I just wasn't sure what? Could I be falling for Sam Winchester? Possible, but I doubted it. It was more like a crush, and an emotional attraction that went to a smidge of physical.

Now Dean on the other hand; I couldn't figure out, to say I didn't find Dean Winchester sexy would be a big fat lie. The night Sam was gone, and I had that dream; Well, Dean was the one to pick me up. Lying there beside him all night felt right. Felt good, amazing, and hot. I shook my head at the thought.

Not that anything would ever happen to be us.

I looked into the bathroom mirror, turning the water on in the sink. I splashed my face.

And Logan; He was… Something foreign to me; I felt this life connection to him. I felt him as if I'd known him forever.

I snorted, yeah; forever with a trillion lies and this whole 'evil' thing behind him. But was he evil? I didn't think he was. Something in my gut told me he was good, told me he was… right. Yet why would he lie about himself about me? Why enter my dreams if he didn't want to harm me? And the warning about Sam and Dean, well, it had to be false. They would never hurt me, they cared for me. I knew they did.

Then why are you having second thoughts about telling them? A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts.

"Alex you okay?"

"Yeah" I opened the door, and let Sam in. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"No I just wanted to make sure you're okay"

"I'm fine just couldn't sleep" We stood there together in the small bathroom, awkwardly.

"Sam" "Alex" we smiled at each other "You first" He said.

"I was just… Do you think you could do some research for me? It's sort of in your league of skills" He frowned.

"Yeah, sure, what do you need?"

"I was wondering if you could track down my birth parents."

"I thought you said you couldn't remember anything about them"

"I can't"

"Well they aren't' on your birth certificate. We have no leads"

"That's not true… The convent I was dropped off at, someone there might know something."

"Alex, you okay? You told me and Dean both you didn't want look further into your background. That you wanted to find this demon and be done; what changed?"

"I know… And I still want that, But I just… I think this may have more to do with me then what I thought"

"What happened?" Sam looked really worried now.

"Just the night I found you guys, and just… I feel like I'm changing" I whispered the last part to him. He sighed, "What do you mean you feel like your changing?"

"I feel… "

_Don't tell him. He won't understand and you'll be dead before morning_.

"I just was raised to believe that anger was a sin. All I've been feeling is anger, and it's just changing me I think"

He nodded his head believing what I told him. Why shouldn't he? It was the truth, just not the whole truth. I left out the part about the anger making me feel powerful, or the fact that I have this feeling of pure Magick inside of me.

"Okay, I'll help you. But I have to tell you, I don't think we'll find anything"

"We have to try Sam"

"I know, but, uh, that's the thing. Me and Dean already looked" I stood there looking at him. They looked into my past and didn't tell me? I wasn't sure if I should be feeling this hurt. I mean, they don't know me.

And you don't know them.

"Oh"

"Alex look, we just had to make sure" cause you don't trust me, I thought. I gave him a fake smile.

"No I get it. I'm just upset you didn't find anything" Relief washed over his face.

"So what did you guys find out?"

"Nothing much, you were left on the door step of the convent. The nuns raised you till you were adopted. "

"And the nun's that raised me couldn't remember anything about my birth parents?"

"They never met them, There guessing it was a young mother who just couldn't take care of you."

I nodded my head, as a million question raced through my head. "Can we go?"

He frowned at me, "go were?"

"To the convent"

"Why?"

"So I can talk to them, maybe there's more to it than that"

"Sure, I guess. I mean we'll have to talk to Dean about it. But I'm sure he'll be up for it. We aren't working a case."

"Now"

"What?" He asked confused.

"Let's go now."

"Alex it's only quarter after five"

"Well we need to get directions that'll take awhile" He sighed and looked at me "you really want to do this?"

"Yes" I didn't break eye contact. "Okay, I'll go wake Dean up" he looked at me one last time before he walked out of the bathroom.

I hoped that whatever we find. We could handle it together.

----

I woke up in the back of the impala and yawned.

"Are we almost there?" I asked Dean glanced at me from the rearview mirror; he had his 'thinking' face on.

"We aren't going" I sat up quickly and looked at the back of Dean's and Sam's head. "Why?" Sam must have heard the disappointment in my voice.

"We have to go on a case"

"Oh" okay, I guess it could wait than. Being on a case was more important. People's lives were at stake.

"So what's the case?" I asked interested, Sam smirked. "Dean's girlfriend" my heart seemed to stop. Dean sent Sam a glare which put the words if looks could kill in my mind. Obviously I wasn't supposed to know that tidbit of information.

"So we aren't going to look for answers because Dean wants to get laid" As soon as I said it, I knew it was a mistake. Sam looked out the window frowning and Dean looked pissed off.

"You're going to have to wait, I'm sorry that we can't always bend over backwards for you. People lives depends on us, if you don't like that; well than I guess you could go back home"

Ouch.

"Dean" Sam growled.

"No it's alright Sam. Dean's right. I can't always get what I want and if this was a real case and not him wanting to get laid I'd be fine with it. How does she even know what you do Dean? Isn't it supposed to be some big secret?" Sam snorted; I'm guessing he had asked him the same thing. I wonder what else I missed while I was sleeping.

It was Sam that broke the tension filled silence. "Look Alex, I know this meant a lot to you. I promise we will still go check it out-"Dean snorted, I guess he had other ideas "But we need to make sure this isn't a case. As soon as we find out its not-"He shot Dean a look "We'll find out answers for you"

"Yeah, until then shut your pie hole. It's not like you've been in such a hurry for the past few months, I'm sure few days won't make a difference" Dean said.

Which was true, but didn't make this any less upsetting; why did I even care? Why was this upsetting me so much? They had a 'case' to do, and that was their life. It isn't like I didn't know that. It's not like I haven't spent time with them.

"So what does this mean, I'll get dropped off at some motel and wait till you're done with your case" I smirked.

"Yup" Dean said ignoring my tone. I slumped back down into the seat.

This is going to be a long ride, I thought.

----

I sat on the uncomfortable bed, in a rundown motel, watching Dean and Sam as they finished putting on their ties.

I still hadn't met this Cassie girl, though I had this strong urge to punch her; playfully of course. I flipped through the magazine near the bed. Trying not to listen to Dean and Sam talk; which seemed impossible?

"I'll say this for her—she's fearless." Ha. Sure she is. I thought to myself; let's see how fearless she is when demons are after her.

"Mmhmm." Dean obviously didn't want to talk about it. You and Me both, I thought. Sam being the brother he was wouldn't let it go.

"I bet she kicked your ass a couple times. What's interesting is you guys never really look at each other at the same time. You look at her when she's not looking, she checks you out when you look away. It's just an interesting observation. In a, you know, observationally interesting way." I want to throw up.

"I think we might have some more pressing issues here."

"Hey, if I'm hittin' a nerve—"

"Oh, let's go." Dean said as he walked away from Sam and towards the door, Sam smiled at him.

"Alex" Dean grumbled as he walked out. We still hadn't really spoken since the fight. Not that I wanted to talk to him, not that he would listen if I talked to him.

"We'll be back later tonight" I smiled at Sam, "Have fun" which was a stupid thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything else.

As soon as the door shut I laid down. "What the heck is wrong with me?" I asked myself. I had never in my life felt this kind of petty anger. Towards what, Dean having a girlfriend; I rolled my eyes. I don't even like Dean that way, or even if I did it was just a crush. Why am I so argumentative towards him and this girl, who may or may not be perfectly nice?

My stomach turned, I walked into the bathroom. Feeling uneasiness, I needed answers, and I needed them fast. The only one who had that was Logan. Who I decided I shouldn't trust; But what harm could he do? I asked myself.

My gut told me to trust him, just as it had with the brothers.

Yeah, and it is also telling you to punch some girl you don't even know. I splashed cold water on my face; I walked out of the bathroom.

He had the answers I needed, dangerous or not I needed him. Seeing as how I'm wide awake, I can't really fall asleep, I frowned. I could call him though.

It rang three and a half times before he answered.

"Alexandra?"

"Logan" I could see him standing there smiling, "I didn't think you would call" "Well I need your help"

"On?"

"I need you to tell me what's going on with me? And I need the truth" he sighed into the phone. "I can't"

"You can't?"

"I can't tell you everything…Not yet anyways."

"So what can you tell me?"

"I can tell you that your starting to change for the better, I saw it in you last night" I heard pride in his voice.

I wonder what he saw in me last night, all I showed him was anger.

"What's going to happen to me?"

"You'll lose all your self control"

I laughed at him, "My self control?"

"Self control is of your human reaction. Think of it as if you're shedding your human nature."

"So I'll be a ticking time bomb"

"No. That's just it. How the humans react, how they hold in their feelings their nature, how they have regrets for the simplest things. You won't feel any of that. You'll do as you please; the world is your oyster. You could do whatever you see fit"

"I don't understand, I'm just one day going to give in to everything I feel, every weakness"

"No. Until the final step you'll be in control of most things, if you will it."

"But you just said"

"I said what's going to happen to you, right now your emotions are raw and your urges are stronger. But you'll have control over what you do-"He laughed "Think of it as really bad PMS. Your Serotonin levels will be off the chart" I ignored his comment, not finding it funny at all.

"And this final step?"

He was silent for a moment "That's something that we'll talk about another time"

"Now Logan"

"I can't tell you everything, it's not my job"

"Then whose Job is it?" I shouted.

"I have to go Alexandra, Remember to trust your nature. It won't lead you wrong"

Click.

He hung up on me. That flipping a hole hung up on me. And this 'trust your nature crap' is getting old. I mean, he just told me I'm going to be a total wreck, yet I'm supposed to trust myself? Isn't that a big contradiction? I sighed, as I lay on the bed.

"Great, just great" I said to the wall.

----

"You're bleeding?" I looked up at Sam's concerned face "I'm fine" He rushed to my side, "Let me look"

"Sam"

"Alex, Let me look"

"Fine"

I turned my head I felt him hands slide up my leg gently. "How did this happen?" He looked at me I frowned "I don't know, I went outside to get a coke and I must have got scratched on something"

"It's a pretty big scratch Alex" I nodded "I know Sam, but I'm fine" "What did you brush up against that could cut you here?" I wondered that myself actually.

The cut was on my outer thigh just below were my short cut off at.

"I don't know" He frowned, "I don't like this" Yeah well me neither I wanted to say back but I just nodded.

He ran the warm wash cloth against the cut cleaning off the blood. "You don't have any laps of memory do you?" I shook my head "No"

"Do you remember any smells or seeing anyone with black eyes?"

"No Sam. If I did don't you think I would tell you? Plus if it was a demon and they were able to cut me don't you think they would have just killed me?"

"Yeah… I guess your right"

I sighed "Plus it's too small to be a cut, it's just a scratch. I'll be fine. So where's Dean, shouldn't he be here yelling at me about something?"

Sam smirked "You guys are like mixing oil and water these days-"I rolled my eye's watching as he took a bandage out of the wrapper. "He's at Cassie's, I figures they needed to talk" there was some hidden knowledge behind that statement. I felt my heart beat skip a beat.

"He really cares about her doesn't he?" I asked, truly curious.

Curiosity killed the cat I reminded myself.

Sam shrugged, "It seems that way, She's the only girl I ever heard about to hurt Dean Winchester"

I felt anger swell up inside of me, she hurt him? I tried my best to hide that in my voice.

"How did she hurt him?"

"I guess after he told her the family secret she dumped him" For Dean to tell her at all meant… Well it meant he really had feelings for her; Feelings that just don't go away over night, or in Dean's case years.

"So I guess even the great Dean Winchester can fall in love" Sam looked at me and frowned "He is human"

"Could have fooled me.-"I sighed "this really is a case isn't it Sam? It's not just Dean wanting to get laid" He smiled "It's looking like that more every day"

It was silly to be worried about Dean Right?

After all he has Cassie now, and she's fearless. God what's wrong with me, I'm acting like a jealous ex, a jealous crazy ex more like it.

"Okay" He said as he put the bandage on it, like a true professional; though His hands lingered there. Causing a switch inside me to be flipped was this what Logan was talking about? I grabbed Sam's hand that was still there.

A felt a burst of lust over him, which was weird –even though he was amazing to look at- This was Sam, the Sam who I was scared to even kiss. But the voice in my mind that held onto that sounded distant, almost as if it was far away.

"Sam" My voice was low; my hand brought his up to my face and placed it against my cheek. "You never did get to kiss me?" He looked shocked, which was the opposite of what I must look like. Though, I never said anything like that before.

"you seemed-"

"Just kiss me Sam" I smiled at him, bringing his face closer to mine.

Kiss me and forget the world

"Wait" Sam said as his lips were inches from mine. I could feel his sweet breath on my face; I frowned "What?" I just want you to kiss me Sam, I thought to myself.

"This isn't about Dean is it?" I snapped my eyes opened as if cold water had been thrown on me.

"Why would you think this was about Dean?" I'm trying to seduce you and your asking about your brother. I want you, maybe.

I frowned even harder. Did I just think that I was trying to seduce him, I never seduce anyone, Ever. What the heck is wrong with me?

I pulled back and looked at him.

"Well it's obvious you like Dean, but I know you like me too. Uh, this sounds really high schoolish doesn't it?" He muttered more to himself then me.

"Sam, I want you to kiss me. Not because of Dean, But because of you, and how you treat me, how you touch me" My voice raised during every word.

Whatever moments of lust I was feeling, seemed to have gone out the window, and replaced with a cold breeze of anger; Logan's voice replayed in my head.

Think of it as really bad PMS; your serotonin levels will be off the chart.

I pulled away from him, he was right. This was wrong, and whatever my reasoning's for what just happened wasn't good or well normal, yet I still felt myself get angry that he stopped me.

"I need a shower" I said walking away. "Alex wait" but I didn't wait, I walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

I was scared about what was happening to me, and scared of what I would do if I allowed myself to be in the same room as him.

It was time I had another talk to Logan, only this time Face to face.

By the time I got out of the bathroom Sam was sleep, which is what I wanted, After all I still didn't know what to say to him.

Hey, Sorry about that. That was just me going crazy, which is bound to keep happening. You know me jumping you, or fighting with Dean. Think of it as extreme PMS without all the chocolate craving.

Or

Hey that was a mistake your right, I really do want Dean.

I doubt he'd like ether one of those.

I went to my cell phone. It's too late to back out now I told myself.

**Logan, how long would it take you to get to Cape Girardeau Missouri?**

I got a reply back instantly.

_What's there?_

I smiled in spite of myself.

**Me**

I held my breath till my phone vibrated.

_Give me 8 hours. _

I looked at the clock, It was 2 30, eight hours would bring it up to ten thirty. Dean might be back by then. Better safe than sorry.

**Make it 10.**

_See you soon._

I knew one thing was for sure; I was leaving and not coming back. I had to find out the answers, and Dean and Sam only made things more difficult.


	11. Things I Forgot At Birth Part 2

I watched the clock tick, every second closer to the brother leaving and Logan arriving, which ultimately meant my leaving so, saying I was nervous would be an understatement. Calling Logan was a foolish thing; a very foolish thing on my part. Even though I needed answers, I wonder if I didn't over react just a tad bit?

I guess I could tell the brothers, they could get me out of it. But, did I want that? Dean and Sam fighting my battles?

No, I made a choice, a choice I would be sticking too. Going to Dean and Sam would only give them more reason to treat me as a child. Them treating me that way, it was the reason why I called Logan in the first place.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Maybe they had reason to treat me that way.

"Alex?" Sam's voice drug me out of my state of panic, worry lit his face. "Huh? Oh…yeah?"

"We're going…Are you okay?" Him asking that got Dean's attention, attention that was rare these past few days. Attention I didn't want. "Yeah, Yeah. Just you know tired." I said faking a yawn while stretching.

"Okay… Well we're going." Dean said as he walked towards the door, Sam looked at me, uncertainty in his eyes. Giving me a look that I didn't want, a look that made me feel guilty as hell for what I'm about too do.

How horrible of a person was I to do this too them; The only two people I had in this world, I was leaving. The knot in my stomach got bigger my the second.

"Wait," I got off of the bed as they both stopped, standing only centimeters a part and an arm length near the door.

"Yeah?" Dean asked annoyed, causing a small silent part of me (the jealous part I assume) flickered with anger, but when I noticed a tiny shimmer of worry in his eyes my anger vanished instantly.

Not knowing what to say, or what I even wanted to say I threw my arms around them, which was harder then it seemed. With there different body types and my own lack of body and height.

Both were quiet, my head was mostly on Sam's chest, yet my arm was more around Dean. I felt one of Dean's and Sam's arm snack around me. Sam's tighter then Dean's who hung loosely. I guess he still wasn't comfortable with touching me. I don't know why that thought bothered me so much. I felt my eyes start to water. How silly I thought I was the one who decided to leave. Could I blame this on the PMS too?

"What's wrong?" Deans' voice was the softest I heard it in awhile. Not that I blamed him, I was a total nightmare. I'm the one running away from them. Which was bound to piss them off a lot more then my normal pain in the ass would.

"N-Nothing I just wanted-" I took a breath "I wanted to say sorry for being difficult, and just, well, thank you…For everything."

I stepped back and looked at the two guys I'd be leaving behind, the two guys who saved my life in more then one way.

I was the biggest idiot ever.

-----

"Crap" I muttered under my breath. Shoving the bags I had just packed under the bed hoping it wasn't the boys at the door. They just left five minutes ago, what the heck are they doing back so soon. And knocking?

I opened the door with a fake smile, hoping the wouldn't see my tear stains. "Logan." I said tonelessly as I saw him standing there a smug look on his face. He brushed past me into the room, as if he owned the place. "Told you I'd see the inside of you room." His voice was cocky.

I felt myself frown, "I thought I said ten hours," I looked out in the parking lot making sure the Impala wasn't hiding anywhere, shutting the door quickly, letting out a sigh of relief. I frowned feeling slightly like a teenager sneaking her boyfriend in past curfew. Only instead of getting grounded if caught, Logan would probably end up with a bullet somewhere in his body.

Which I was really hoping it didn't come to that.

"What? And give you time to change your mind so you can leave with dumb and dumber?"

"Logan!" Never mind, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea.

"Sorry" He said unapologetically as he laid down on the bed. I walked back over to my bags hiding place, sounding frustrated as I spoke. "You're lucky they just left, any sooner and we both would be having a lot of explaining to do. And I don't think your 'I can't tell you' attitude would work with them" I told him.

He laughed grinning up at me. "You think I'm scared of them"

"I think you would be stupid not to be" his smirk only got bigger. I concentrated on pulling out my bags from where I had hidden them, and not hitting him.

"I have to finish packing…." I hoped he had enough room in his, uhh crap. His bike, how can I carry my bags on his bike. I swallowed hard looking at him nervously "Uh.. Logan? Your bike?"

He sat him, eyebrow raised grinning at me. "Is that fear I hear in your voice?" I glared at him "No, but my bags" I said sharply, I could tell he was trying to hold in his laughter.

"Ah, well… good thing I brought my car"

I couldn't help but feel an over whelming sense of relief at those two words: 'my car'.

Five minutes later and a bag in both of his hands Logan walked me out of the room. I followed close behind him, though we were silent, it was a comfortable silence.

I stopped dead in my tracks when he popped the trunk of a car. If this could even be considered a car. Oh god, please don't let Dean find out what I just thought.

"You okay?" He said smugly, putting the bags in the trunk. "Umm. What kind of car is this?" I'm not ashamed that I don't know my cars. But I can safely say I know when a car is expensive, very expensive. Like this one, so only question is, how did he pay for it?

"06' Dodge Challenger… You ready?" He asked as he opened up the passenger door for me. I shook my head, still in awe over this car, this very fast looking car.

Okay, wait… when did I ever have a thing about going fast?

"No?" he stared at me frowning. I patted my pocket. "I forgot to leave my note… to the boys, I wasn't… I just think they should know I left on my own,"

"Good idea, I don't want them to come after me or anything?" the way he said it made me think maybe he did want that. Frowning I headed back into the motel room, the words bite me were very close to coming out.

I stopped inside and felt frozen. Where should I put it? Like it matters, like where I put it is going to soften the blow of them finding out I ditched them.

I sighed and walked towards their bed, I sat the note a top of their pillow.

I took one more glance around the room, "Bye guys" I said softly, as if they could hear me. Walking out of the door I told myself I wouldn't look back. Not until I had the answers I was looking for.

-----

I sat in the passenger seat listening to someone called Rob Zombie, who it seemed Logan was very fond of. I suddenly missed AC/DC a whole lot.

"Your not scared of me?" Logan shouted over the music. I rolled my eyes before turning down the music. Logan glared at me, I smiled. I guess some things are the same with all the males in the world.

"Should I be?"

"No. I just figured you would be showing some signs of weariness towards going with me,"

"Oh trust me I'm weary of this, and I'm pretty much worried out of my mind. I'm just not scared of you" He shot me a thousand walt smile.

"Good"

A comfortable silence followed for a few minutes. Logan never tried to turn that music up again, which I was thankful for.

"I'm surprised" he said suddenly as he made a fast right hand turn. "At?" I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice.

"Your not jumping right into interrogation mood. I thought as soon as you got me alone you'd be asking every question you could think of."

"Would you answer?"

"No"

"Then why should I ask, you already told me you wont tell me anything, you could only help me find the answers out."

"So then tell me, if you not thinking about all the question I thought you would be asking me. What are you thinking about? You don't really seem like the quiet type" I wasn't sure if I should take offence to that statement.

"I'm thinking about right choices"

"Ah, So your upset about leaving those guys"

"Yeah," wasn't it obvious? Did he think I wouldn't care at all, that I can just leave people I care about behind? I mentally smacked myself, of course he doesn't understand. After all, I did just leave people I care about behind, So why would he think I cared?

He sighed and waited a few seconds before talking.

"I can't say I understand, cause I don't. But you did the best thing. If you stayed with them only bad things could come of it"

He pissed me off saying that, I mean here he was telling me that again, Yet he wont tell me why.

"Your so quick to judge them. How do you know they'd turned on me? They care for me!" Or at lest they did till I pulled this stunt, who knows how they would feel now.

"How do you know I'm talking about them? You could turn on them just as easily, if not more, so lets not forget that… Plus, they care for the human your pretending to be, not who you really are."

"I'm not pretending to be anything" I said after my thoughts had gathered from his first comment. I would never turn of them. I would do everything in my power to help them, nothing in me could change that. Human or not, I knew my basic instinct when it came to them.

I wouldn't be able to turn on them. Ever.

"Aren't you?" he asked, his voice void of emotion. I looked out the window, watching the trees as we passed them by. Wondering if he was right, wondering if I wasn't human. And If I wasn't human, then what the hell was I?

"Whatever this is… Whatever I am… I honestly don't know." I told him. He let out a frustrated sigh, "I know you don't"

"It would go a lot faster if you just told me,"

"I can't."

"Yeah you said, but you can help me find out…"

"It's the rule"

"Who's rule?" I looked at him watching for any flicker of the truth to cross his face. He sent me a smirk before reaching over and turning up the song and started to sing.

I guess I got my answer then, I thought sourly to myself.

----

I looked at my cell phone knowing that there wouldn't be any missed calls. I wonder if they even got back to the motel room yet, which was unlikely. Still, I thought they would have called me by now, I mean they normally call me.

Unless something happened?

No, if something happened I would know. I'm not human according to Logan, So I should know when something happened to one of them. They just haven't called cause their busy. Plus, It's a good thing they didn't call. I mean, What would I tell them? 'oh yeah just you know with Logan' Ha. They would find me then kill him, and probably me.

"What?" I said when I caught Logan staring at me. He shook his head and went back to watching the road. I sighed and put my phone back on my lap.

"Okay, So you cant tell me everything, I get that.-" Not "but there has to be something you can tell me?"

He smirked at me, "Think of me as your guardian angel. I'm suppose to lead you in the right direction, give you a boost here and there. Not finish the whole thing for you"

I couldn't help but laugh at the angel thing. "Yeah cause you seem like the angel type" He didn't say anything, he just kept on driving.

"So what do you get out of 'guiding me' I mean this job can't be a piece of cake. This is a job isn't it?" nce again he smirked at me, which was becoming to be his one and only facial expression, when he wasn't laughing.

"Lets just say in helping you I'll be helping myself. Plus, Any job where I get to look after you isn't really a job at all."

I sighed frustrated with him, I knew I wasn't going to get any information out of him. Yet, I had to try right? Even if it ended up disappointing me. I mean I just basically put myself at his mercy, If I didn't ask question wouldn't that be weird. He has to be able to answer some stuff, right? Maybe if I base the questions more on him… A smile crept up on me.

"So what's your deal? How did you get into my dreams anyways?" simple enough question, if I say so myself.

"A spell"

"A spell? What kind of spell?" I asked, not knowing why I suddenly felt giddy talking about spells. Weird.

"We'll get to that later"

I narrowed my eyes at him. I'll just have to give him an easier question. "So, where were you born?"

A smirk played at his lips, his eyes shot over to me before turning back to the road. "New York."

Strange, I thought. "So… where do you live now?"

"All over"

"You really like answering in two words, don't you?" I snapped at him before turning my attention back to the passing trees.

I felt Logan's eyes on me after a few moments of silence. "I have a apartment in New York. That's where I call home." I smiled, finally feeling like I'm getting somewhere even if it was taking forever.

"Your parents?" I asked, parents can mean a lot.

"Their dead" his voice was cold. I couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it then that. If maybe, they died the same way mine did.

I changed the subject quickly, not wanting to push him. "How can you pay for this car or bike"

"I have my ways. Plus this isn't my car"

"What do you mean this isn't-" I stopped, my eyes got wide. "Oh. My. God. You stole this car?!" I nearly had a heart attack. How could he have stolen this! I was going to go to jail, and to be honest I don't think I could handle that. Would I have to become someone bitch? Oh god. Logan's laughter brought me out of my nervous thoughts. "I didn't steal this car" He told me amused.

"So who's is it?" I asked sharply, he smirked at me and turned his head.

I guess, He wasn't answering that question. But I could assume that whoever it was, was probably the person who came up with all these secret rules.

I looked out the window and wonder what I had gotten myself into. I very well may have put myself into the hands of my enemies and not even realized it.

Crap.

* * *

Reviews would be lovely :D

The '_Note_' will be in '_Twist of Fate Outtakes'_ So keep an eye out for it ;)


	12. Things I Forgot At Birth Part 3

_Italic = past ;)_

* * *

"_Its almost time for the little one" a nurse said as she smiled down at the young girl. The girl faked a smile at nurse, knowing that if she showed any emotion other than the happiness she faked things could get ugly. _

"_I can't wait" She said at she patted her ever growing tummy, hiding the cringe that wanted to show. She hated feeling It inside of her. It was evil, It was death. Wasn't it? How she should have listen to her parents. They warned her about him, but she didn't listen. She thought all things could be saved, how wrong she was. _

"_Have you decided on a name yet?" The nurse asked as she tried to get the image of the fetus on the monitor. _

"_No" The young girl said as she watched the screen. She was sure the first time would have showed it's evilness, shown it for the monster it really is. Yet, the picture was normal. Everything was normal, such a normal lie she thought. _

"_Don't worry some parents don't find a name till the little ones already out… Everything is looking fine and healthy" _

_The last thing she wanted was for it to be healthy, to even be alive. She would have to take care of it when the time was right. _

_----_

"Where here, "

"Hmmm." I struggled to open my eyes as the lasting fingerprint of the dream I had, still hung in my mind like a black cloud. Making me feel sick to my stomach. I felt, the emotion as if it was mine.

"Wake up sleeping beauty were here," Logan said laughing, brushing his hand down my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes at the feeling. I sent him a glare that did nothing but make him smirk at me.

I glanced at the old stone building that looked more like a castle. It felt as if something was tugging on my conscious, trying to make me remember. Yet, it stayed there, just behind my reach.

I never understood how I couldn't really remember things from my time here. It was like I blocked most of it out. Or was I just to young to remember, Is eight too young? I wondered.

I glanced at my phone, still no missed calls. I felt my heart drop, obviously they got my note and just didn't care I left. Or there too mad to call. I wasn't sure which one of those I hoped for.

"Alexandra?" I looked over at him "You ready?"

"Yeah…" I got out of the car, hoping I could find the answers I was searching for.

We walked slowly up the walk way, every step I took gave me an overwhelming feeling of uneasiness.

Then, as fast as a light being turn on a memory hit me..

_Crying, and walking in the rain up the steps. With a baby in her arms, she felt everything in the world knowing this came down to right now. She should have taken care of this, but she couldn't. This was her child, a part of her. _

_She had to try to save her, to hide her. _

_The tears poured out of her eyes, the sleeping baby laid still. She knocked on the wooden door, praying that someone would hear. _

_It opened slowly, and she felt the most hope she had in days. _

"_Please you have to take my baby" desperation laced her voice. _

"What happened?" Logan asked as he held onto my arm keeping me steady, I looked at him blinking back tears. "I'm not sure…"

I cleared my throat and looked around, wondering what the heck just happened. It felt like a memory, the sadness and pain I felt lingering in my mind all too real, but it couldn't have been a memory, it couldn't be. It must have been a dream, but for god sakes I'm not even sleeping, so how the hell can I be dreaming?

Was that my mother? And that dream in the car, was that her pregnant with me? If so why didn't I look anything like that girl? She was blonde and beautiful, I was anything but.

"What did you see?" I stopped and turned to face him my eyes still searching for the answers as if they were written on the wall. "I think my mom. My birth mom?" I shook my head.

No that's impossible. I told myself, even though it felt right, I refused to believe it. If that was my birth mom that would mean the early 'dream' was about her too. I knew my birth parents gave me up, but the girl in the first dream was so cold. She felt nothing towards the child she carried.

I stopped and looked at Logan, suddenly aware of what he had just asked me. "How did you know I seen something?" he smirked at me, causing my heart to race. "Cause it was bound to start happening. You can see the past, present, future. All you have to do is will it. Ofcouse it will always be stronger if what your looking at is connected to you."

I stood there unmoving, staring at him as if he was an alien. Finally I shook my head and moved out of his grasp laughing. "That's impossible, plus I didn't will anything"

"Are you sure?" He asked his eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I'm sure" Or at lest I think I'm sure.

This was getting weirder and weirder, but I guess I asked for it right? You keep calling for the devil and sooner or later he's going to show up.

----

"It doesn't look like anyone is here" I said to Logan, after knocking again. -and peering into the windows- "Just open the door Alexandra"

"No! That's breaking and entering" and I already tried, and it didn't work I thought to myself.

He looked at me like I had a third head. "Fine I'll do it" He reached over, I stood their watching waiting for him too see it wouldn't open. But, when the door opened, I frowned. What the heck was that?

We walked inside the building which you could tell hadn't been used in awhile. And strangely enough, there was no sign of disturbance anywhere.. "Don't you think this is a bit weird" I asked Logan as we walked down the hall together.

"What?"

"This… It's empty" He looked at me and shook his head and kept walking, so I continued to talk. "I mean Sam said he talked to the people, don't you find it weird that there's no one here? Who did he talk too" Still he didn't answer, he just kept walking along.

A felt a strange sensation cross my skin. It was like walking into cobwebs, yet thousands of them. I had never felt that before.

"You know something don't you?" I grabbed his arm, making him stop with me.

"Alexandra please just look around" he gave me an exasperated look, but I refused to let this drop. This was Logan we're talking about, of course he knew something. And I wouldn't let this drop till he told me.

"You know who he talked too" My voice rose with the accusation.

"Oh my god would you please just look around and stop asking these ridicules question" He started to walk away again, but I grabbed his arm again. "What?" He shouted at me.

"It was you." Even as I said it, I knew it was true. I shook my head, unable to believe it. Yet, so angry at myself for not seeing this coming. "How did you do it Logan?" He shook his head and walked away, which was enough of confession for me.

"You son of a b-" He cut me off. "Do you know how strange it would be if when he tried to find out information on you? On your past and he couldn't find any? Or If he did come across the truth? Do you know how far him and his brother are willing to go when some 'mystery' comes up? We couldn't allow them to do that. Not when it comes to you. So choices had to be made, lies had to be told."

"So who did he talk too?" I asked cold and unsure of everything Logan was saying. He made it sound as if he was protecting me, doing this for my own benefit. Yet, I couldn't believe the brothers would ever harm me.

"No one"

"He talked to someone Logan"

"No, He didn't." He looked me square in the eyes "What he heard was nothing more then an illusion. In reality it was nothing but a busy tone and blank WebPages. Nothing more than a shield to keep him away from finding out the truth"

"And what is the truth?"

"This. This is the truth Alex-" He flung his arms out "After you were adopted every person in this convent was murdered. They closed the place down, no one wanted to deal with the bad memories."

Everyone was murdered… I couldn't help but ask. "Were they murdered because of me?" I asked him, tears in my eyes.

Before he could even answer images flew at me.

"_Where is she?" A women asked standing in the hallway a knife in her hands. "I'm sorry miss. But she's been adopted" A scared looking nun said. _

"_Tell me the truth." The women said as she brought the knife to the nuns throat. The nun sobbed knowing her life was going to be ending that night. _

"_I don't know"_

"_Lies" The women said as she slowly slit the nuns throat. She stepped over the body and headed towards the office. There had to be a clue to were they sent her, if there wasn't then she would kill everyone that stood in her way. _

_She was hers too kill. To free the world of her was the right thing. Who ever protected her would die. _

"Oh god" I said coming out of the vision, the feeling of blood on my hands.

My mother, my mother did this looking for me. I looked at Logan, tears running down my face. He put his arms around me holding me. "Shhh, Its okay Alexandra"

"How can you say its okay-" I pulled away from him "These people were murdered in cold blood because of me"

"NO! Because they knew protecting you was the right thing to do" I shook my head at his statement.

"Tell me who I am Logan? Why is my birth mother trying to kill me, Why does she think I'm some evil monster?"

"Alexan-"

"TELL ME NOW!" I ordered, not caring any more about the rules he goes by. If he was on my side he would tell me the truth.

He looked at me, trying to decided if I could handle it. "Your mother is a hunter. She comes from a long line of hunters-" His gazed flicked before looking back to me "She fell in love with something she was hunting. He got her pregnant, and she lost her mind." His voice was in control, not giving anything away.

"My father was Evil?" I waited for him to answer.

"He was powerful, and like most things that are powerful. He was feared. But your mother saw something in him that was good."

"How do you know this?" I asked him scared of his answers. He opened his mouth as if he was about to answer before shutting his eyes.

When his eyes snapped open he stood there staring at the door behind us. He looked at me and frowned. "I'm sorry Alexandra,"

"Sorry for what?" I asked as he moved towards me, he put his hand on me head. "I'm sorry," He whispered before everything went dark.

-----

"ALEX!" I heard someone shouting my name, over and over again. I tried to open my eyes to look but I was too tired, too sore.

"DAMN IT ALEX BREATH!" I felt a compression on my chest, My eyes snapped open I was caught looking into hazel eyes. Dean's Hazel eyes.

I started to cough, it felt as if my lungs were on fire. "It's okay, It's okay. We got you now" Dean said as he held my coughing body.

I noticed Dean and Sam both had dark ashes on their face. Then I looked behind them, and I nearly passed out. The old convent was on fire, and there will firefighters trying to put it out as nun's stood there crying, watching the building burn.

I shook my head and looked again. Yup, there were the nuns, the nuns that hadn't been there earlier.

I looked up into the worried faces of Dean and Sam before passing out again.

* * *

Review? :D


	13. Truth Doesn't Make a Noise

"You don't believe me?" I wasn't sure why I was so surprised. I probably wouldn't believe myself, but I still felt hurt, felt betrayed that they wouldn't listen to what I was telling them.

Sam positioned his body so he could face me from the passenger seat of the Impala. "Alex-" Sam started but Dean cut him off. "Damn right we don't believe you,"

"Dean" Sam said sternly, sending Dean a glare. Dean ignored Sam and kept talking. "Look Alex we saw the nuns there. We talked to the firefighters. So you saying 'oh, but they weren't real.' seems a little crazy too us."

"I'm telling you guys, It's Logan. He did it!" My voice was shaking while it rose. I just wanted them to believe me, to help me understand what was going on. I needed their help, didn't they see that?

I could understand why the would be mad at me, or even a bit unbelieving. But, to not even listen to what I was saying?

"Yeah that's another thing. You want us to believe Logan...that guy from months back is some sort of what… witch?"

"Yes! No! I don't know!" I saw Sam and Dean glance at each other, doing that whole secret conversation thing.

"Stop it! I'm right here! Just say what you want. You think I'm lying"

"No Alex-" Dean snorted, and Sam shot him a look "We believe that you believe it."

"Oh come on! You guys fight this stuff every day, So why wont you believe me. Is it really that hard to hear me out, to believe me?"

"Oh I don't know Alex, You think it might have to do with the fact that you've been lying to us the whole time? Or say I don't know… That you run off with out a word. Almost get killed in some fire and then all of a sudden you say. 'hey guys, all those people you seen, all those nuns well they weren't real. That phone call Sam made… yup, that was all fake too. This guy Logan who I danced with once is some crazy stalker guy who I called up, to come get me. Don't mind the buss tickets that clearly state that I took a buss to the convent. Cause I trust him more then you or a bus too take me there."

Dean's knuckles went white on the steering wheel, his eyes glanced at mine in the rearview mirror, "Where I just happen to find out my birth mother killed all the nuns there. Never mind that you and Sam saw the nuns and talked to them, they were just an illusion he did after he knocked me out somehow and started that fire. Oh by the way he says I possess some sort of magical power.' Yeah Alex, That doesn't sound crazy at all"

I closed my eyes holding back tears, praying that this ride would be short.

The silence was deafening in more then one way. I had no idea how to make them believe me, how to make them see that I'm telling the truth, no matter how far fetched it sounds.

Finding out my birthmother was after me and anyone who would 'protect me' only put the boys in danger. If what I saw was true, If my mother was really like that, I would have to leave. Leave the boys far behind and never comeback.

Not until she's stopped, untill she couldn't hurt more people.

-----

_You have got to be kidding me! I thought as I opened my eyes and noticed where I stood; Beside the lake, in a white dress. I sighed, This was getting really old, really fast. _

"_Logan. Get your ass out here now" I screamed walking towards the green forest that he usually walks out of. _

"_Logan I swear to god-"_

"_I'm here Alexandra" He had that stupid smirk on his face._

_I felt my hands curl into fist. "You left me there-" I walked closer to him, almost feeling as if I was stalking prey "You left me there to die. For the boy to come find me and think that I'm crazy" I was only feet away from him now, I slowed down my pace knowing that if I got to closer I wouldn't be able to hold back punching him. _

_I didn't think he would be that talkative after that. _

"_I did what had to be done" He said it with a shrug, I fought the overriding urge to punch him. _

"_You told me once that the boys couldn't kill you, That only I could kill you" He gave me a questioning look, "Yeah?"_

"_If you ever throw me out to the lions like that again Logan. I will find you, No. I will hunt you down and kill you," He smiled even brighter which did nothing but piss me off more._

"_Empty threats don't mean anything to me Alexandra" _

"_You think that's an empty?-" I walked closer towards him "I woke up suffocating Logan. I could have died, you almost killed me. Your lucky I don't-"_

"_Don't want? Use your power on me? What power? As far as I can see you haven't gotten full access to your power. You refuses to listen to me"_

"_I WENT WITH YOU LOGAN!" _

"_Then come with me again" _

"_I don't-" I paused dumbfounded, "Wait. What?" _

"_Come with me again Alexandra."_

"_Your joking right?" He shook his head. "You need protection, protection only I can give you. If you stay with those boys you'll get yourself killed." _

"_Excuse me, but I just went with you and you left me there to die" He sighed. _

"_I didn't leave you there to die. I would never do that too you" He stepped closer to me. "I had to do what was ordered" His eyes showed me that he was telling me the truth, which scared me more then if he had just left me there to die. _

"_I can't leave them again Logan," I'm not strong enough. _

"_You have too" I shook my head, looking at the ground. "No I don't. I'll get them to believe me I'll-"_

"_They wont believe you Alexandra" He told me quietly, sadly. _

"_If I leave again. They wont ever forgive me" _

"_Do you believe they care for you?" His voice was soft, but his eyes were hard._

_I paused thinking, before answering. "Yes" _

"_Then they will forgive you-" He sighed and looked around "When they leave on a hunting trip. I'll be outside waiting for you Alexandra. It's time for you to find your destiny" He smiled at me "Now wake sleeping beauty" _

----

My eyes snapped opened in that instant.

Crap. Crap. Double crap with a side of crap.

"SAM?" I shot up out of bed, looking around the hotel room hoping he was there. He quickly got up from table where him and Dean had be sitting cleaning their guns, and came towards the bed where I was laying. "What is it what's wrong?" He sat on the bed looking at me with worried eyes.

Do I tell them? Do I hide it? How do you tell them that your in over your head when they refuses to listen to you? Do I just leave them again, and keep them safe. Does it matter that they don't believe me and will probably hate me forever, as long as I know the truth, as long as I know that leaving them will keep them safe, their hatred for me doesn't matter. But I could try to make them understand. Or try to make Sam listen to me since Dean can't find it remotely possible.

"Alex?" Sam said looking at me, worried.

I threw my arms around him. I don't know why I did it, Why I had to be this close to him. I knew I was mixing signals with him, but I just needed his comfort no matter how selfish it was.

"He's outside waiting for you too leave. Then I have to go with him" I whispered into his ear, making sure Dean couldn't hear.

He pulled back and frowned at me "Alex-" I shot a quick glance towards Dean, before cutting Sam off. "It was just a bad dream," I said my eyes never leaving his, hoping he got the message..

He nodded and looked at me, "Yeah, Just a bad dream." I wasn't sure who he was trying to make believe, himself or me.

-----

I watched the door shut behind them, and I let out a sigh. I kept telling myself this was the best thing to do.

But if that was true, then why did my heart feel like it was about too break? I swallowed hard, staring at the door as if hoping that they would walk back in and take me with them.

I just wish they could see the truth.

I don't know why it hurt having them think I was lying or crazy. After all, hadn't I hide this from them for awhile now? Maybe if I had just told them the truth from the start and not let Logan scare me…

I got off the bed and walked towards the door with my bags in hand.

My bags had been packed already, Logan had thankfully left the outside before he took off, leaving me there. Since we hadn't been in this motel for more then a few hours there was no need to unpack them.

The sun hit my face, I shut my eyes hoping the feeling of sadness would go away. I felt bad for not leaving a note, but what would be the point. No note could make it better, No note would make them believe me or forgive me.

I had to find the truth, I had to protect them. And the only way for me to accomplish that would be to leave them.

"I knew you would come" I looked up and saw Logan standing there. I shook my head "You're an ass hole you know that?"

He smiled at me. "I'm not an ass hole. You just don't like what you have to do"

He was right, I didn't like what I had to do, but that still didn't change the fact. "Yeah, but your still an ass hole,"

And I was an idiot I was basically putting my life back into the hands of someone who may or may not have had just tried to kill me the previous day.

"Look we have a long nights drive ahead of us. Lets go Alexandra, we can get all these pleasantries out of the way later."

"She's not going anywhere with you," Deans said, as the sound a rifle being cocked followed it.

I looked over surprised, I hadn't seen this one coming. Logan smirked and turned towards Dean an Sam nervously, knowing what I'd find. "Dean… ah, maybe you should put that rifle down," I said frantically looking around the parking lot.

Dean not taking his eyes off Logan said "Nah, I think I'll keep it right here"

"Lets take this in side then?" Sam said, always the voice of reason. I walked back towards the door, Logan followed.

Not that he had a choice with the gun aimed at him.

Once we were back in the room Logan turned towards Dean smirking -did he not get that he was about too get shot- and said "You can't stop me from being here,"

"Really, cause from were I'm standing it looks like I can" Dean said.

"Dean, please put the gun down; Logan wont hurt me." Dean snorted "Did you not just spend an hour telling us about how he left you in a burning building to die. Now you want me to believe he wont hurt you?" disbelief laced his voice.

Well, I guess he has a point.

"Look just trust me Dean, please." He sighed and lowered the gun but kept it in his hand.

We all stood there for a moment looking at each other. "This is quit entertaining but me and Alexandra have places to be"

"You aren't going anywhere buddy" Logan and Dean glared at each other.

The silence in the room was anything but pleasant. I had no idea what to say, or even how to go about saying anything.

"So you were going to leave with this guy again Alex?" He said, taking his eyes off Logan for the first time.

"Yes," It's not like I could lie to them, It's not like I should even bother to cover it up.

Dean ether not liking my answers or just ignoring it decided to start back up on Logan. "So who the hell are you?"

"Do you think I would really answer to you?" They way Logan said that, made it sound like it was something more then just the fact that he was Dean.

"Maybe I should give you a little motivation" Dean said raising the gun back up to Logan. I step forward putting myself in between them. I wasn't sure why I felt protective over Logan. He left me for dead; no he didn't a little voice in my head reminded me.

"Dean put the gun down please"

"Your really going to just trust this guy Alex. Doesn't that seem a little crazy to you? You don't even know him" Dean's voice held the anger that you could see in his eyes.

"Its not more crazy then going with you" I told them; which obviously was the wrong thing to say.

"You know whatever screw it, its your life" Dean said as he toss the rifle to Sam before turning to leave; he slammed the door the shut.

All three of us stayed quite for a moment.

"Well that was really dramatic" Logan said sarcastically, I frown at him. "Shut up. I'll still let them shoot you" I walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked not taking his eyes off Logan.

"I'm going to find Dean" I said with a sigh, before turning back to face Logan "Sam if he tries anything shoot him." Logan rolled his eyes at me.

It seems I didn't have to look very hard, he was leaning against the hood of a car.

"Dean"

"Go away Alex" I shook my head and walked up to him, till I was well in his personal space.

"I have to go with him" My voice was pleading, I just wanted him to look me in the eyes.

"Then go"

"Dean"

"No. Go. You said it yourself, you have to go with him. So I'm not going to stop you" My heart suddenly felt heavy.

"You know the first time I saw you, I didn't like you at all" He finally looked down at me and frowned.

"You just had this presence about you and it scared me like hell Dean." He still didn't say anything so I continued. "But everything in my body told me I could trust you, even after everything. I knew I could trust you"

"But not trust us enough to tell us the truth right?" he snapped looking at me.

"What if I am something-something supernatural Dean. Are you willing to look the other way?"

"Come off it Alex. Your human, your not some supernatural begin."

"Really? Cause I'm starting too feel a bit like a freak over here. And Logan-" his eyes got harder as I mentioned Logan's name "Knows something, He can help me out, and I wont have to worry or be scared anymore"

"Worried or scared about what?" He asked looking into my eyes.

"If everything he's saying is true-"

"Big if"

"Then I want to be prepared. And, I don't want you and Sam in the cross fire"

"Your worried we'll get hurt" he said it, like that thought never has crossed his mind. Which was the exacts reason why I was leaving. "Yes"

He sighed as he shook his head "We aren't going to get hurt Alex. If you haven't noticed we pretty much kick ass" He smirked, causing me to smile at him.

"But it's not just that Dean." I said after a moment of silence. "Then what is it, tell me?" looking into his eyes I could see the hurt of being left again, and I knew that would haunt me forever.

"You and Sam are busy looking for your dad. You don't have time to help me-"

"Bull shit."

"Is it? Look I trust Logan. I know he can help me, no matter how bad it seems. Going with him is the right thing"

"Whatever" The cold Dean was back, replacing whatever progress I had made with him. I lend into him, putting my arms around him causing him to stiffen under my touch.

"I'm going to miss you Dean Winchester. More then you know." I stood up on the tips of my toes and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"Thank you for everything you did" He stood there in shock, not saying a word. I gave him a small smile before heading back into the room dealing with the mess called 'my life'.

* * *

Reviews always make a girl happy :D


	14. Touch Me I'm Going To Scream

_Three weeks._

Coughing, the water I had been drinking flew out of my mouth. My eyes were shocked opened as I read the words on the page.

I couldn't stop coughing, as childish as it seemed.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked walking into the room. I nodded my head, still coughing. He frowned at me, and took the book out of my hand.

Obviously he could tell, I read something that I found… Ah, Crazy, Weird, Nuts, something that's so not going to happen. **Ever.**

But, I guess everything about magick seems impossible.

Logan's laughing brought me out of my coughing. "I see you found something interesting-" He smirked at me "You want to talk about it?"

"NO!" I shouted embarrassed, knowing I couldn't, wouldn't talk to him about this. Is was just too… Out there.

He rolled his eyes and started reading; I looked on in horror, hoping he would just stop.

"_Magick needs energy too flourish, to achieve this, the spell caster must give energy to the ritual._

_Energy can be given in many different ways. Depending on the spells power and the power of the caster different energies are better used, but those fueled by emotion are the best._

_Energy is after all the take off point of any spell. The stronger the energy the more powerful the spell will be, the emotion backing the spell is also an important part of the spell its self._

_So it is easy to see that one of the most powerful energies to be used during a spell, is the release of the casters own energies and emotions._

_Not only is it more personal of a spell, but it accomplishes the job to a degree of high performance. Blood, Is a powerful substance to be used, but using the releases of energies accomplished during an orgasm is the highest of the energies."_

His laughing caused me to glare at him.

"Its not funny Logan! I'm not… Ew. No way, I'm not going to" I was too embarrassed to even get the words out.

No matter how much I wanted to learn about spells, I wouldn't put it before my morals. There is just no way.

"Alexandra-" still laughing "You don't have too. It's just explains that while doing a spell your emotion and energies control the degree of the spell. The more personal the spell, and ingredients in the spell is was makes it better, a more powerful outcome of that spell. So it's not hard to see that sex, one of the most personal things a person can do also one of the biggest releases of energy would be the top one"

"I'm not doing it" I said frowning. He laughed again, " I didn't ask you too. I didn't even ask you to read this chapter-" He handed me the book back, "you're the one who was reading this." smirking down at me "But seeing as how your embarrassed about this, and to be honest these chapters are to far advance for where your at right now so lets change the subject. Did you find what I wanted you too?"

I sighed looking at the book in front of me. If you would even consider it a book, It was more like a giant heavy annoying thing with a lot of information in it. Information I thought was useless, Information Logan thought was necessary. No matter how crazy it all was.

It was scary how much he and the brothers are alike, yet, how different. But thought me learning came before learning to 'fight' which I thought was a bit silly.

My heart started to hurt thinking about Dean and Sam, and the way I left them. I can still hear Dean's words echoing in my head. "When you realize you need us, don't think about turning around"

The way Sam's eyes held a thousands words, yet he spoke none to me as I walked out the door. It was enough that I almost turned around. But I knew I had to find out the truth, and however much I wanted to stay with the brothers I couldn't.

"Alexandra" Logan snapped me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"

"Did you find it?" I nodded my head yes.

"Okay, So what does it say?" He asked sitting down across from me.

I had been staying with Logan at his apartment in New York. Which was weird at first, scary weird too be honest. Though nothing had happened yet, He was a perfect gentlemen. Our kiss was long forgotten on his part I think.

Which I couldn't tell if it made me upset or relieved.

Not to mention how big and roomy it all was, that was a plus. Anytime I questioned him on where he got his money (knowing he didn't work, after all I was his job) Who paid him?

He would only laugh at me, and tell me it wasn't a big deal. Which more then likely meant that whoever he was working for didn't want me to know about them yet. Scary seemed to be a common place with Logan.

I sighed. "Its says the five elements are Air, Water, Earth, Fire and, sprit."

"And?" He smirked at me. I sighed, knowing what he wanted from me. "Lets start with Air. First off, is guarded by the first watchtower, east. Also, The tool most used with air would be the wand*. Mind, intellect, consciousness, study, communication are some properties of air."

"It's a masculine energy, and goes with Libra, Gemini and Aquarius, but mostly Aquarius. In symbolizing air during any ritual you would use incense."

He smiled at me and nodded, I continued to explain water, earth, fire and, sprit. Until he was satisfied, and I was annoyed.

"And in when drawling the invoking pentacle?"

"You started at the top. And to banish, you start at the bottom."

"Good"

"Pentacle and Pentagram?" I rolled my eyes "Pentacle is the five pointed star in a circle while the Pentagram is just the five pointed star; both are very powerful. Fast example, Taking away the circle takes away the limitation, so you would use the pentagram when you needs something done like a charging symbol. Pentacles are powerful symbols of protection, sometime we don't want the protection or limitation so you would use just the pentagram."

"Your learning Alexandra" He really seemed surprised, which made me laugh at him. "Well I should be, You have me studying this stuff twenty four seven."

"You have to know the basic-"

"I know Logan, It's just like with Math. 'You have to know the basic rules of adding and subtracting before you get into anything else. It's the foundation, Which everyone knows is the most important part of any structure'"

"Why do I feel like your mocking me?" with one eyebrow raised he looked at me.

"I'm not mocking you." I looking straight into his eyes hoping he could see the truth behind my words.

"Good" He smiled and stood up. "I'm going out for a couple of hours, you want to come?"

"Oh, Your actually letting me take a break?" He laughed and shook his head. "Oh no. Trust me. If you go I'm going to put you to work" I looked at him suspiciously.

He smirked harder. "Maybe I should just stay here… You know, this book is just exciting" I lied. He laughed and walked towards the door a yelled, "Have fun"

I frowned when I heard the door shut. "Sure, Sure. Fun stuff this is. " Once again I put my face back into a book.

My life was boring.

_One month two weeks three days._

"Hey Sam-" I took a breath unsure of what to say. "I ah. I guess I was just calling again to see what you guys were up too. Just, give me a call sometime. I miss you guys"

I hung up feeling unsure. I hadn't talked to the brothers since the day I left.

I shut my eyes, feeling the moisture start to rise. It's not their fault, I told myself. After all, I was the one who bailed. I had to bail sure, but did they really see it that way?

"Alexandra-" Logan tapped the door to my room three times before entering.

"I want to-" He paused and looked at me, sighing he walked closer "Their still ignoring you"

Of course he knew, he always knew when I was thinking about the boys.

"Yeah" I said not making eye contact.

I knew Logan had the means to keep them from calling (Like he had done on the way to the convent) But I knew he didn't.

He promised me he wouldn't do it, he gave me his word. Though, I knew it was silly, I knew he was telling me the truth.

I trusted my instincts a lot. Which would explain why I left with the brothers, then left with Logan. A normal girl wouldn't do that. I looked at Logan, then thought about the brother… Okay, maybe a normal girl would do that. They are pretty good looking guys.

Logan had a pissed off look on his face. I knew he hated seeing me hurt (which was weird) and he knew what hurt me the most. The brothers rejection.

"Come on" He said giving me his hand, I frowned but took it anyways.

"What are we doing" I asked as we walked out of my bedroom.

"We are going to see what the brothers are up too." I stopped in my track.

"What?"

He sighed and looked at me "Your worried about them. And until you hear from them, which isn't going to happen anytime soon-" Noticing the look on my face he frowned "Sorry."

"Look Alexandra we have to get to work, and seeing as how you need to make sure their okay, We'll just have a small look. Enough to ease your worries"

"You mean we'll spy"

"No. We're observing" I knew it was wrong, and it was spying but I couldn't help but agree.

I needed to make sure they were okay.

I went to grab the ingredients, but Logan grabbed my arm stopping me.

"What?" Why was he stopping me, he was the one that came up with the idea.

"We're going to try this a different way"

"A different way?"

"I want you to relax-" he said, coming around me. He put his hands on my shoulders. Which didn't really relax me at all, if anything, it made me jumpy. "Shut your eyes Alexandra."

I shut my eyes, but my body was still tense with his hands on my shoulders.

"You have to relax. Center yourself"

With my eyes still shut, I took equal breaths. I felt my body begin to get lighter, softer. Though, I was unsure why we were doing this. We had been working on 'meditation' for awhile now, but I still wasn't as good at it were I can just automatically submit myself into that state.

"Stop worrying. Let go of your worries. Go with your instincts, don't over think. Just listen to the sound of my voice, center yourself, keep your breaths steady and even with each other."

I followed his voice, not paying attention to the words rather then just pay attention to the sound. I let myself fall, seeing myself surround by a light, I was in a complete and utter relaxed state. It had only took me a moment to do so.

Logan's voice was in the back of my mind, telling me to keep my breaths steady. He kept repeating it, never stopping talking. My mind automatically did as he said, not thinking of doing, just doing it.

"Go to Dean and Sam Alexandra, find them"

I did.

I saw Dean enter a room, another crappy motel. He closes the door behind him, calling out to Sam.

"Hey I'm back" He pulls some packet out of his jacket.

"Hey. Where were you?" Sam voice was distorted by the sound of water.

The water stopped as Dean yelled into the bathroom.

"Oh, I went out" He pours the powder that was in the packet out over Sam cloths that had been lying on the bed.

"So, I think I might have a theory about what's goin' on." Sam called from the bathroom, obviously unaware of what Dean was doing.

"Oh, yeah? " Dean called back grinning.

"Yeah. What if Mordechai is a Tulpa"

"A Tulpa?"

Dean jumped slightly away from the bed, as the bathroom door opened. Sam walked out wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Yeah, a Tibetan thought form"

"Yeah, I know what a tulpa is. Hey, why don't you get dressed? We'll go grab something to eat." Dean smiled sweetly to his brother before walking into the bathroom.

Sam shrugged and walked towards the bed to get changed, as soon as his hand was about to let go of the towel I was pulled out of my 'relaxed' state by Logan shaking me.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked him upset, still trying to get a grip on what I had just seen and almost seen.

He frowned at me, "I was saving you from being embarrassed next time you run into Sam"

I swallow hard, knowing he had a point. But damn it, if I only had… Okay. No thinking bad -very good- thoughts about Sam.

"Concentrate Alexandra" Logan's voice was rough, obviously he was upset.

Wait how did he even…

"How did you know what I seen?" From my knowledge only I would have been able to see that.

He smiled at me, and laughed. "It seems that your power is growing Alexandra. All I know is I was touching you, and, well I saw what you saw."

"Oh" I frowned.

"Smile Alexandra this is good, this means your power is growing."

I felt a shiver run down my spine. I wasn't sure if I wanted this 'power' to grow when I didn't even know what it was yet.

_Four months, five days._

"Come on, hit me" He shouted, my body was pulsating; sweat covered every inch of my aching body.

I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. I was planning what my next move would be, but it was too late. He had me pinned to the floor. My hands were above my hand, locked to the ground in his large hands.

"You got to get better than this" He hissed in my ear, stilling holding me down.

"Get off of me" I said breathless, not wanting to move.

"You think if I was anyone else I would just get off of you" He grunted, pushing more of his weight down on top of me.

"Come on now! Smarten up, Make me get off of you if you want it so bad"

"Lo-" One hand went to my throat choking me. I gasped for air, feeling the weight of heaviness in my body start to build.

I tried to move my arms, that was now lock under one of his hands. It wasn't working, and I was starting to panic.

He wouldn't really hurt me, I looked into his eyes and saw danger.

"COME ON! GET UP!" he screamed, I kicked my legs which did nothing at all.

"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!" I was losing track of his words, I was struggling to breath.

"Use the weapons you have Alexandra" he breathed into my ear, loosening up the grip he hand on my throat. I could breath a bit better, but not by much. "If someone has the upper hand in fighting, then you fight dirty. Use any skill you have, including the power of your mind, god damnit! Fight!"

I wanted to tell him, it was hard to listen to his lecture when his hand was around my throat.

He grunted and moved his hand and stood up, leaving me there on the floor bruised and hurting. He shook his head, disappointment was obvious on his face.

I laid still, trying not to move anything. After finally getting a second to breath, I wanted to get into bed and just sleep. I tried standing up, only to have Logan push me back down.

I hit the floor with a thump.

I could feel the tears rushing forward. "Prick" was the only thing I could say.

"I'm a prick?" He laughed harshly, "I'm not going to hold your hand through this Alexandra. I'm not going to wipe away your tears, and kiss your boo boos. This is a fight, and I'm sure as hell not going to baby you. That might be what those two would do for you, but I'm not. That's one way to get yourself killed." He shook his head and looked down at me, his face soften a notch only to be replaced by the harden look that I've come to known during these 'sessions'

"I'm getting in the shower. I want 5 miles done on the tread mill when I get back."

He left me lying there, hardly breathing, pain evident on my face.

Five miles? I thought to myself, more like five steps if that.

_Five months three week six days_

I straddled Logan's waist, smiling at him. Three out of the Five matches I had won, getting the upper hand by any force that was necessary.

"Don't look so smug" He said smiling at me, I could tell he was happy that I had gain enough 'skill' to take him down.

Laughing, I rolled off of him. I looked up at the ceiling, wondering how I got this far. I still hadn't mastered my skills with fighting or magick

But I was getting pretty okay at both.

I knew Logan was upset because I still refused to say that chant, calling power to me. He said it was going against what was 'right' knowing there had been a few times I had felt the urge to, but the urge was never stronger then my fear of what would happen.

I had already seen what I could do with out it, and that scared me. So doing that would make everything ten times worse.

As for fighting; I still had a lot to learn. But, It was safe to say that I could handle myself in a fight. I wouldn't go down with out a hell of a fight, that's for sure.

Another good thing about all this fighting I've been doing. Killer body! No really. I had always been a 'normal' weight, but I wasn't what you would call athletic. I had ran in school for awhile, but not to the point were I worked all the muscles, that I had with fighting.

My arms are more toned, my stomach is now toned. My butt is now firm, I giggled at the thought causing Logan to roll over on his side, eyebrow raised.

"Nothing" I said still smiling. I couldn't help but feel better about myself. If I knew this is what 'working out' would do, I wouldn't have spent all that time in front of the TV on Thursday nights eating ice cream.

As if sensing what I was talking about Logan got up, "I'm hungry. You want something?" "No-" I smiled sweetly up at him, "I'm just going too lie here basking in the glory of kicking your ass"

He laughed loudly walking away, "I'm calling a rematch in an hour" He shouted.

I was about to reply when my cell phone started going off. I got up grumpily (and a tad sorely) to answer it.

It was a number I didn't recognize. "Hello?" I asked, wondering who it was.

"Alex?" My heart dropped to my stomach, I couldn't breath or move. It was as if everything came crashing down. In one split second everything changed.

"Meet me in central park alone in fifteen minutes, If anyone's with you I'll bail"

I still stood there, unsure of what to say.

"Alex?"

I cleared my throat. "Yeah?"

"You coming?"

"Yeah"

"Good."

The call was disconnected, and I couldn't believe it.

Ashley.

I was about to see my best friend again. I felt the tears form in my eyes, my best friend that had a demon in her.

Life really couldn't get any more sucky.

"Hey where are you going?" Logan asked as I opened the apartment doors, I smiled at him. "I had to go to the store"

"For?" He frowned, I rolled my eyes hoping it didn't seem too forced.

"Girl products" Was all I had to say for him to get a disgusted look on his face. "Oh"

I laughed, "I'll be back soon" and I was out the door and headed to face my past.

It didn't take me long to get there. I ran all of the way there, silently thanking Logan, for making me do all those miles on the tread mill.

I wasn't sure where in the park she wanted to meet me, so I just ran going the way my instinct pulled me towards. I was happy I hadn't changed out of my work out cloths, it was easier to run in these.

I stopped short when I saw her standing there. She looked the same as when I had last saw her. It took everything in my power not to run to her and hug her, She was my best friend.

I walked towards her, promising myself I wouldn't cry. I couldn't let Ash- the demon see me weak.

I was only four feet away from her when she smiled, Smiled just as if it was Ashley.

"It's good to see you Alex" she said still smiling. I kept my mouth shut, not because I was scared of saying anything bad, but that I was scared of saying that I miss her.

I kept telling myself, It's not her.

"What do you want?" I finally squeaked out. Her smile vanished, "Always have to get straight to the point don't you?" She shook her head, her arms were crossed.

"Its not like we have anything to talk about, other then that fact that you stole my best friend and murder my parents" I could feel the heat rise to my face.

I wanted to scream to punch her, to yell and cry.

No, I wanted to go back to the past and change everything that happen.

"I'm guessing Logan hasn't told you then has he?" I opened my mouth, once again unsure what to say, I took a deep breath and tried again. "Tell me what?"

"I didn't kill your parent's" She said it so matter of factly that I almost believed her, almost.

"What?" I laughed cruelly, "You want me to believe that my dad really did just go nuts, and killed my mom and himself? Your crazy, you know that."

"No, That would be stupid of you to believe that he did it"

"Okay, So what. It wasn't you and it wasn't him? Who then? Logan?" She shook her head and laughed. "that boy isn't that good-" she looked me in the eyes and said, "It was your mother"

"my mom couldn't-" I stopped the force of her words hitting me, she wasn't talking about my, my biological mom.

"No" I shook my head that was impossible. I pointed my finger at her. "So then how does that explain the sulfur at my house, how does that explain you?! Your just trying to twist everything around. You're the demon, you're the evil-"

"Hey!" she got defensive. "I went there that night, to kill your mother who was waiting for you to get back. Obviously that was a mistake. I got out before she had the chance to send me back to hell. So, I had to find a body to use, and who better then your best friend. I thought, If I could become your best friend it would make my job a whole hell of a lot easier with protecting you, until those two hunters showed up" she sounded pissed.

"PROTECTING ME? YOU'RE A DEMON" a few people in the park looked at us wearily. I ignored them, and kept going. "Why would you protect me?" She smiled at me sweetly, "Because I need you a live. A lot of us need you a live, and letting you die. Just isn't that great of a choice for us."

"What's so evil about me, were I have demons protecting me?" I asked her harshly, not wanting to believe what she was saying.

"Not evil sweetie, but special. Very special"

"So what's special?"

"Your father is what's special" As soon as her words registered in my mind, I felt as if I would throw up.

"That's enough" I looked up surprised to see Logan standing there, his body tense. His voice was hard, and angry.

"Oh look who showed up" Ashley's demon laughed, she looked at Logan as If daring him to come closer.

"Alexandra, go back to the apartment" He said never taking his eyes of the demon Ashley.

"N-"

"NOW" he barked the order with more force then I ever heard from him, it shocked me as well as scared me.

"Ask him Alex, Ask him who killed your parents"

I watched Logan's face, anger flashed through it. In that moment I knew she was telling the truth about my parents, and that Logan had known that whole time.

I couldn't help but realize that was why the demons never went after me with Dean and Sam, They wouldn't touch me. Not if what she was saying is true. Not if they were protecting me.

If that was true, if Demons were protecting me, and Logan wasn't a demon who was he?

"Logan" I whispered my body and mind feeling overwhelmed. He glanced at me, a look of worry crossed his face, he started towards me then cussed "Damnit" I looked up and saw that Ashley was gone.

I didn't care, I just wanted to go.

"Come on Alexandra" he said taking my arm. We walked back to him home in complete silence. Each step I took brought me closer to my angry place.

As soon as we got in the apartment, it was as if I had a second wind and I looked up at him. He must have seen the fury on my face, he stepped back.

"Alexandra I can explain"

"Oh you can, Really?"

"yes" he looked so desperate, It only fueled my anger.

"Go ahead then Logan EXPLAIN! For once explain to me with out lying through your teeth."

"I couldn't tell you… It would have been going against everything"

"WHO THE HELL IS MY FATHER" I shouted, not caring about anything in the moment but that. He looked taken back, like he didn't think I would have asked him that, or at lest not that right yet.

"Alexandra I can't" He look defeated.

"You're a son of a bitch Logan" I walked towards him, before I knew it I was slapping him.

I was angry, I hated feeling angry. My anger was the only truth I had right now, No matter how scattered my emotions were, they were always true; always mine.

"You disgust me Logan." I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes.

I don't understand why I felt so betrayed, I had after all trusted him knowing that this could happen. That's what happens when you trust those you don't know, they betray you.

The anger rose even more.

I wanted to kill him, to hurt him as he had hurt me.

My phone ringed, I ignored it not wanting to talk to Ashley again.

"I will never talk to you again. Do you hear me Logan?" I shouted into his blank face. He refused to show me any emotions.

My phone started ringing again, I grabbed it out of my hoodie pocket

.

"What?" my voice was hard, cold.

"Alex?" I closed my eyes and took a step back from Logan.

"Yeah" It was barely a whisper.

"I, Um.-" there was a long pause "It's Dean. He's been hurt." Sam voice showed he had been crying.

I shut my eyes, tears still coming out of my eyes. Only now they were tears of pain and sadness, not anger.

* * *

*Eh. I just want to say, If anyone who is reading this knows about Wicca or any forms of magic and are interested in letting me know some stuff, I'd be happy. I'm doing a lot of online reading, and really. Everything I read is different depending on the source… and I don't want to mess up on the Wicca meanings ect. So I'm letting everyone here know, I don't study Wicca so my knowledge of it is all from the computer. So it might not be 100% right.. And I'm sorry about that :/

But I will be later on doing a chapter like a BOS (Book of Shadows) that has all of what I'm using (Real or not) cause I might just end up making up some of my own things, instead of messing up the real ones haha.

Maybe it should be called "Smart peoples guide to Forbidden Love 21 crazy talk" So that you guys can understand it all. Lmao.


	15. You've Dug Your Own Grave, Now Lie In It

**SEASON TWO**

_You never go. Your always here, suffocating me. Under my skin, I cannot run away. __Fading slowly. I'd give it all to you. Letting go of me. Reaching as I fall. I know it's already over now. Nothing left to lose. Loving you again. I know it's already over, already over now. My best defense, running from you. I can't resist, take all you want from me. Breaking slowly. You're all I'm reaching for. It's already over. All I'm reaching for! It's already over now. I'd give it all to you. I offer up my soul. It's already over, already over now!  
Already Over-Red_

Deans hurt. He's hurt and he's in a coma.

I took a deep breath, feeling like I was about to throw up. "Alexandra?" I felt Logan move closer to me, I stayed still thinking about what I had just be told. Sam's words replayed in my head over and over again. I couldn't function, my mind was only on those words.

Dean is hurt.

Logan put his hand on my shoulder sending me over the edge, "Don't you dare touch me you son of a bitch" I pointed my finger at him, "You are nothing but a self serving dick head."

Going from 0 to 90 I couldn't help myself from verbally assaulting Logan. Not that I felt bad about it. If anything is was a good releases

"Alex-"

"Don't you Alexandra me. You could have told me. No. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME… Don't you get that Logan? You want me TO TRUST YOU. To what? Become bff's with you, yet you constantly lie to ME."

"I didn't lie to you!"

"No you just didn't tell me the truth. Screw the rules Logan, You want me to be here? Then you damn well treat me with the respect that I deserve." I pushed past him and stormed towards the kitchen. I could feel him following me, but I didn't care I kept going my back to him.

"What are you doing Alexandra?" His voice was tired, I ignored him and kept tearing threw the cabinet looking for the money jar.

I found it. Taking out a stack of bills I knew he kept there -he had said for emergency uses, this I consider was an emergency- for me.

"What the hell do you think your doing!" He grabbed my hand, the money flew out and landed on the floor.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting out of here"

"Al-"

"DON'T! Don't you dare try to talk your way out of this. My mother- my homicidal manic birthmother happens to be killing everyone around me, including my parents and you- you stupid, stupid ass hole think its okay to not tell me that?"

I took a deep breath and continued, "What about Ashley Logan? Huh? Is what that demon side true. Are demons really out there protecting me?"

He kept his eyes on mine not making an effort to talk, "WELL?" I screamed in his face.

"Yes. But you have to understand-"

"Who the hell am I Logan?" he didn't say anything, just stood there waiting for me to get calm. Calm was the last thing I was, was the last thing I would be for awhile.

I raised my hand to slap him, he caught me arm and glared down at me, "Don't start this Alexandra. Don't start something you cant stop"

"You told me once Logan that no one but me can kill you," My face was cold; though coldness wasn't the emotions running through my body, If anything it was fire and heat and everything that made me want to hurt him. "If you keep testing me, I will be willing to test that theory." I moved my arm out of his grip and grabbed the money that had fallen on the floor.

I had enough of him and his lies. I had turned my back on two people who I truly cared for, for what? Logan and all his lies.

And Dean… I felt the tears rush to the surface again.

He'll be fine. He HAS to be fine. We'll find away to get him better like Sam did before.

"Don't walk out that door Alexandra" Logan shouted, as if I would listen to him. As if he had a choice in the matter.

"Go screw yourself Logan"

He grabbed my arm forcing me to face him; his face held anger.

"Let go of me" I spat. His grip only got tighter.

I tried not to let the swell of fear rush up as I looked into his angry eyes. Was it me or the fear that made it look almost as if his eyes were turning a different color? Almost as if it had a silver tint to it… It was gone. Just as fast as it appeared.

"You need to stay here Alexandra"

"Let go of me" Any fear I had felt turned to anger. No one puts their hands on me. No one.

Before I knew it I had my free hand in a fist and punched him, he fell back a step, but didn't let go of my arm.

His glared at me and spit on the floor. I could see the blood around the corner of his mouth. Good.

"Please don't leave" I was surprised by the tone of his voice. Hadn't he just been angry?

"I'm not staying" My voice was anything but nice or caring. Anger flashed in his eyes again, "Fine," he pushed me to the floor, were I fell and hit my head on the hard floor, not able to catch myself in time.

I couldn't believe he just did that. I blinked back the tears that were ready to escape.

"So what you go on and walk out and back into the arms are the two chuckle heads that will only kick you out once they find out who you really are. What you really are?"

I laughed at him coldly getting up, "You keep saying that to me Logan, and I really don't want to hear it any more. Find out what about me Logan? I don't even know the truth about myself. And If it comes to the point were Dean and Sam kick me out. Then I must be evil enough for them to kill me, and I'm fine with that."

"You can't really believe that" He sounded so shocked it almost made me smile, "You were so worried about pissing off your boss and following his rules that you never gave a second thought to thinking that maybe he was wrong. Your lies are what's making me walk out that door and never coming back."

"If you leave-" His voice sounded pained again, and I paused for a moment. If I left what would happen to Logan? That still didn't stop the harsh words coming out.

"If I leave what? I'll be free of you and all these stupid rules and lies. You act like I care about what happens to you"

"You'll be back" He called, I couldn't help but wonder if he sounded so sure to reassure himself or if he honestly believed that?

"The hell I will" I mumbled as I slammed the apartment door shut.

I couldn't help but feel a pain in my gut. I was leaving Logan, I was doing the right thing. So why did I feel like I just shut the door on my only way to finding answers?

I shook my head and walked out of the apartment and whistled for a taxi to take me to the airport. I had thought about stealing Logan's Charger. But against my better judgment I decided against it.

Truth be told, Logan didn't matter right now. Or even what it truly meant when I walked out that door.

Dean was the only thing important. He was who I needed to get to, He was the one that mattered in all of this.

And Sam.

I fought back the tears. I couldn't imagine the pain he was going through right now. They way those brothers cared for each other.. It was. It was something special.

I looked out the window of the taxi watching the city lights as we passed them by, I made a promise to myself right then. I'd do anything in my power to make sure that bound never got broken.

No matter what it takes.

----

I stood in the main entrance of the hospital taking deep breaths.

'I can do this' I kept telling myself watching as people passed me by heading to their family.

I was so set on getting here, on being here for Dean and Sam I hadn't even thought of if Dean would want me here.

I shut my eyes tears spilling over the edge. I knew I was being watched by the people who passed me. I knew they were wondering what my story was. Had I lost someone? Had I just found out some bad news? Every single one of these people would be thankful it was me and not them.

And I couldn't blame a single one of them.

I took another deep breath and a step forward; then stopped.

Come on, stop being such a big baby.

I looked around and frowned, The stress was really getting to me.

"Alex?" I turned and saw Sam standing about ten feet away from me. I opened my mouth to say something to him but nothing came out. When I tried again I got the same results. He just stood there looking at me sadly.

I nodded my head before running into his arms and crying.

His arms snaked around me, pulling me closer, "Its okay. It'll be okay" he kept saying over and over again as I cried.

I wasn't sure how long I stayed stuck in Sam's arms. How long I longed to be some place else far away, yet, how I had this over powering sensing of staying right where I was.

I finally took a reluctant step back, "Dean really has to stop doing this to us Sammy" Sam smiled at me sadly, "Tell me about me."

I wiped my eyes, and noticed a duffle bag on the ground next to Sam's feet, "What's this?"

He cleared his throat, "Stuff for my Dad" I frowned, wondering why he sounded angry. Then I went to shock, "Your dad's here?"

I had never met John Winchester, and to tell you the truth a part of me was angry that he was here. I knew Dean would want him here, that Sam in his own way needed him here. But… I felt upset with the fact that he did nothing but treat his two sons like crap.

"Come on." Sam said after a put putting his arm around my shoulder and leading me into the hospital.

We walking in silence to Johns room, I felt guilty for not wanting to meet him.

"What room is Dean in?" I asked, slipping out from under Sam's arm. He gave me a slight frown "I'll show it too you in a minute, I just have to drop this stuff off" again he sounded angry.

I smiled at him and took his hand, "Okay then. Lets go and meet the infamous John Winchester" Sam smiled at me before leading me into the door that was only about eight steps from where I had stopped him.

I really hope John didn't hear me.

We walked in, my hand still in his. I felt Sam stiffen at the sight of his father.

What was going on here? I wondered.

John looked at me questioningly, "Alex right?" I nodded my head, not sure what to say. He then turned his attention to Sam, "You're quite"

Sam let go of my hand and threw the duffle bag on the bed glaring at his father, "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That stuff from Bobby, you don't use it to ward off a demon, you use it to summon one. You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you? Having some stupid macho showdown?!"

I looked at Sam, Then to John. Was Sam right? Was john planning on bringing the Demon here. When Deans…

I couldn't keep the disgusted look of my face.

"I have a plan, Sam"

Sam shouting, "That's exactly my point! Dean is dying, and you have a plan! You know what, you care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own son!"

"Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean." Johns voice was hard, but Sam didn't back down.

"How? How is revenge going to help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!"

I suddenly felt upset. This isn't the time or the place, "Guys stop" My voice was barely above a whisper. As much as I agreed with Sam yelling at his father wouldn't help.

"You know, it's funny, I thought it was your obsession too! This demon killed your mother, killed your girlfriend.-" he looked at me "What now that you found yourself another girl you give up? You begged me to be part of this hunt. Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would have happened."

I glared right back at John, He didn't just say that to Sam. I looked at Sam and saw shock and… guilt? Written on his face before anger took over.

"It was possessing you, Dad, I would have killed you too."

"Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now."

"Shut up, both of you!" I yelled, "This isn't the time or place" I looked at John as I said this then glared at Sam, He shook his head and looked at his father. You could almost see hate. "Go to hell."

"I should have never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake, I knew I was wrong —"

John was interpreted by his glass of water flying off the table and crashing to the floor.

All three of us stood there watching were it had shattered.

What the hell was that?

Before any of us had the chance to say anything a bell sounded and doctors and nurses ran down the hall, "Something's going on out there." John said looking at Sam, "Go find out what"

Sam took off not thinking twice, I waited behind a minute and stared at John "Those boys love you more then you know, " I shook my head disgusted "All you do is keep pushing them away" I turned to leave his room when he stopped me, "I care about my boys more then you will ever know young lady"

I shrugged my shoulder, "Then show it" I left not looking back. I turned my head and saw Sam standing by a door, tears running down his face.

Dean.

I swallowed hard and took off down the hallway, "Sam" I said coming up next to him.

I took in the site grabbing Sam's hand. Monitors kept beeping loudly as doctors and nurses crowded around Dean's bed trying to resuscitate him.

Tears ran down my face as my heart beat seemed thump loudly in my chest.

Dean, No. Please no I need you.

"All clear."

"No." Sam said, I squeezed his hand harder. Afraid that if I let him go I would fall into blackness.

"Still no pulse." the blond hair nurse said, This can't be happening. It just can't. Its Dean… Dean doesn't die. He almost dies but h-he doesn't really ever die.

"Okay, let's go again, 360." The Doctor called looking serious.

Please Dean. Sam needs you. I need you.

"Charging" Another nurse said, I felt myself panic even more.

No. No. No. No. No.

I buried my head on Sam chest, tears running faster. My sobs were loud, but not loud enough to drowned out the sounds of the machines telling us Deans life was at the end.

Then the monitors slowed until it was almost too quiet. I picked my head up, "We have a pulse. We're back into sinus rhythm." I felt my own heart take a steady beat.

I couldn't tell if I wanted to laugh and throw myself at Deans unconscious body or kill him.

It wasn't long before we were back in Johns room. Sam telling him what happened, that we almost lost Dean. Even hearing those words made me want to cry all over again. (Not that I had ever fully stopped crying, I just slowed down a lot)

"I don't know what it was-" Sam hesitated trying to find the right words, "But I felt something"

I looked up at him. He felt something?

"What do you mean, you felt something?" John asked voicing what I had just thought.

"I mean it felt like, like Dean. Like he was there, just out of eyeshot or something. I don't know if it's my psychic thing or what, it... But do you think it's even possible? I mean, do you think his spirit could be around?" Sam sounded as if he doubted himself, yet held an enormous amount of hope.

John obviously sensing that, "Anything's possible."

"Well, there's one way to find out." Sam started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" I asked nervous, not wanting him to leave me or even leave my eye sight for that matter.

"I gotta pick something up, I'll be back." He gave me a small smile then started out again, "Wait, Sam. I promise I won't hunt this demon. Not until we know Dean's okay."

Sam nodded his head and walks out; leaving me there alone with John Winchester.

"I should-" I pointed in the direction of Dean's room.

I wanted to see him, to talk to him. And if what Sam had said was true. If Dean's sprit was here, I- I just wanted to talk to him even if he couldn't talk back.

John nodded his head obviously uncomfortable by me being here too.

"Alex" I stopped and turned back hesitantly, "My boys, They care about you. Sam especially," I swallowed hard and let him continue, "He trust you. You seem like a good girl, I want you to promise me that when things get tuff you'll be there"

I frowned at him, "Mr. Winchester I'm sorry if this seems rude but I'm not going to promise you anything. I don't owe that too you, not yet at lest. But I will tell you, that I will do anything for your boys. They mean more to me then you know." I told him, using his own words against him.

He nodded his head and gave me a small smile, "Good" I walked out feeling confused.

What the hell was that about?

----

I walked into Dean's room and sat in the chair by his bed.

I bit my lip nervously, trying hard not to cry, "Dean?" I called out looking around the room. I sighed feeling stupid.

I reached over and took his hand. I frowned never noticing how rough it was from all the years of hard work and fighting.

"Sam says he feels you. That you could be around" A tear slid silently down my cheek, "If you are. If you can hear me Dean. I just want you too know that I'm sorry for leaving with Logan. I-I thought that if I stayed with you guys that you would be in danger."

I took a deep breath, not wanting to go on yet knowing I had too.

"Do you remember the night I had my nightmare. You took care of me Dean and that night next to you, I felt the safest that I had ever felt. You make me feel safe Dean, if-" The tears fell harder "If you aren't' here with me anymore. I don't think I'll ever feel safe again. You're my anchor Dean Winchester. I need you."

I sat there listening hoping I could feel him like Sam had. But I felt nothing. Gripping his hand I laid my head on his bed crying.

I felt a rush of emotions ranging from sadness to guilt to pain to anger. I couldn't understand the whirl of emotions pushing their though my body. It was too much to handle but I was to tired to do anything.

Death is hard. Life is hard. But waiting for someone to pass from life to death in front of you is even harder.

My life was crashing down around me once again, and I felt as if I moved once inch everything would be gone.

"Alex?" I looked up and saw Sam standing in the door way holding a brown bag, "Are you okay?" He took a steps towards me and I nodded blinking back the tears, "Yeah.. I just. I need some air. Some coffee too maybe. I- I'm going to go check out the café. Do you want anything?" He shook his hand and walked past him.

I kept walking, when I saw john Winchester with the blue duffle bag go down the steps. I frowned, and quietly followed him.

What was he doing?

Obviously he was going to summon the Demon.. But he told Sam. I sighed, and kept following.

I rounded the corner and stopped, 'where the hell did he go?'

I couldn't take a step forwards before he stepped out in front of me, "I figured you were following me"

"What are you doing?" my hands on my hip, glaring at him.

"I'm getting Dean back" I frowned confused, then everything clicked into place. He wasn't summoning the Demon to fight him. He was doing it too deal.

"You c-"

"Are you going to help me or not?" He asked his tone serious.

"Help you? I'm going to march up there and tell Sam what his crazy father is doing" I turned around, "If you stop me Dean dies" I stopped and looked at him, "There has to be another way?"

Dean would never forgive himself if his dad died to save him.

"There isn't"

I stood there unmoving, I wasn't even sure I was breathing.

"I need your help Alex" I looked at him confused, "Why do you need my help?" I snapped.

"Someone powerful needs to summon him. Your that someone. You don't even have to do all the work. Hell you could be across the country, You just need to send enough power to me that I could summon this bastards, that all I need.. This spell will take care of it all" He handed me a worn out piece of paper.

I shook my head this guy was obviously crazy.

"Look I would help you-" anything for Dean and Sam, even if it meant there father dying? "But I'm not powerful. I mean I'm sure Dean and Sam told you I did some magic and I can… But I'm not powerful. I don't think it would work"

Unless…

_I need you now, I need you here. Come to me, Bring me near. Close the end, open the start. Bring me the power that hides in the dark_

No. I couldn't say that chant? Could I? I looked away from John, "I would need to do a different spell first… Then it might work"

"What are you talking about?" he asked puzzled, I sighed, "It-its hard to explain" Not to mention that it was a long shot.

"You think I wouldn't check you out? My boys care about you, I couldn't just trust you even if they did. So I did some checking, hell I even spent time in New York watching you."

"What?" I was shocked, yet not. I should have known.

"You know I would have just thought you and that boy Logan were just crazies till I followed him one night when he met up with some powerful creatures. I heard them talking about you Alex."

"And?" my voice was shaky.

"And you can help me out here. You can help me save Dean's life."

"Tell me what you found out about me?" John shook his head, "You summon the Demon and I'll sing like a birdie. If you don't. You wont ever find out."

"Fine" I said my face going into a mask of cold. I stared into Johns eye, "If this works…"

"If this works you'll get what you want" I nodded my head, and turned around. "Where are you going?" He asked, I didn't turn around to answer I just yelled over my shoulder "You said I could be across the country.-" I silently said to myself, Cause I don't want to be anywhere near you John Winchester.

I walked back up the steps. Every echo of my feet hitting the ground reminded me of what I was going to do.

I was saving Dean's life but at the cost of what? His fathers life? He'll never forgive me for this, him or Sam.

If they find out…

And this power that Logan wants me to call to myself. The power that now John is asking me to call. What is the cost of that? Who will I turn into? If these creatures that john spoke of were bad? And they (not to mention demons) are protecting me… What did that make me?

I guess I was about to find out

I started to chant, eyes shut, breathing calmly. "I need you now, I need you here. Come to me, Bring me near-"

* * *

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	16. Every Second

I opened my eyes thinking that there would be more too it. A gust of wind, flickering lights? Heck maybe even some feeling that I was different. But nothing. I felt the same as before, well that was a lie. I felt a lot more whole then I had in months.

Should I go back down to the boiler room and tell John it was a bust? I obviously have no power, That he would have to find another pawn to play. Not to mention Logan, Demon Ashley, they were both wrong. A childish part of me wanted to call Logan and tell him 'Ha your wrong you loser' but I didn't.

I took my time walking to Dean's room, making a pit stop at the bathroom then the café to get coffee me Sam and I. Tonight was going to be a long night.

I walked towards Dean's room, peaking in I saw Sam looking down at Dean. His eyes red from crying.

_'We'll find away to get you back, no matter what'_

I frowned and took a sip of my coffee, it almost sounded like Sam's voice in my head thinking that. God, I need sleep.

I stepped into the room giving Sam a smile, "I got you coffee." I took a few more steps towards him handing him the coffee almost like a peace offering.

"Thanks" He took it and looked back at his brother. He took a sip and made a disgusted face, "I'll never get use to hospital coffee" then he took another sip.

A loud rumbling noise made Sam and I look up at the ceiling. It was nothing more then the medevac lading on the roof. It was loud and dangerous sounding, almost gave you the illusion that the building was going to collapse around you.

Sam looked at me pointing at the ceiling, "You know what's the scariest thing about that?" I shook my head, "Somewhere out there a family's life is going to change forever. And they don't even know it"

I let the weight of his words take over my mind. I shut my eyes suddenly feeling all the emotions I had been trying and failing to avoid. I couldn't take this, I hated hospitals I hated the feeling of sadness they brought.

"Hey, Hey its going to be okay" I felt Sam wrap his arms around me.

Once again I felt horrible, I should be holding him. Telling those words to him, he's the one that needs it the most. But here we were back at square one. Sam coming to rescues me from the sadness I couldn't seem to stay away from.

I felt his lips on the top of my head, His hand holding me against him while his other one gently caressed my hair.

"We'll find away to get him back. No matter what" I sobbed into his chest harder.

"Sam. I'm so sorry Sam" He pulled me back, his eyes holding unshed tears, "What hey you have nothing to be sorry for"

But I did. I had a lot of stuff to be sorry for.

"I left you. I left Dean, and n-now I just. I can't lose you Sam" He pulled me into him, "You'll never lose me. Ever. You hear me Alexandra?"

Funny thing was, I believed him.

I walked out of the bathroom, needing time to myself I had gone into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I was only a few feet away when Sam ran into the hallway.

"HELP! I NEED HELP!"

Oh god! DEAN!

I was still not able to move, not wanting to see what happened.

Sam having seen me in hall looked at me with an expression I didn't understand. "He's up!"

Those two words made me move, while feeling like my stomach jumped out of my body.

He's up, he's alive.

Not thinking about John or the deal, not thinking about my being involved I rushed into the room having to see for myself.

When I saw Dean lying there eyes open, As I saw the nurse taking out the tube in his throat. I felt the one thing that I had been lacking the past few months.

I felt hope.

*~*~*~*

Sam and I paced in the waiting room, The doctor had immediately kicked us out. Saying they needed to take him for test. Sam at first had tried to go find his father; who still wasn't in his room.

Sam told me he thought his father went after the Demon. I felt my stomach drop, knowing that he didn't go after him. He made a deal and I may or may not be responsible for it.

I tried telling myself it was all John, I had nothing to do with it. That I didn't send power his way. I didn't help him summon the Demon. But I knew deep down that I did.

I knew that if I told Sam or Dean they would hate me, hate for what I had done. "The Doctor would like to speak to you" The nurse said, both of us followed her back to Dean's room. Not saying a word. We were too scared, too worried. Even if Sam was happy Dean was alive and okay, deep down I know he knew something happened he just didn't know what and was too scared to go there. The doctor looked at me, "I'm sorry miss family only" I saw Dean look at me then back too the doctor. "She is family" his voice was still a bit rough. I felt a smile on my lips. Sam pulled my hands into his. The doctor nodded, not taking a second look at me, After going over everything with us, After showing us before and after MRI's The doctor said, "I can't explain it. The edema's vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You have some kind of angel watching over you." "Thanks, doc" The doctor nodded, a look of confusion on his face as he left.

"Your back" Dean's voice wasn't as welcoming as I had thought it would be. I took a deep breath, "Yeah, I guess I am"

He nodded his head looking at me, I couldn't read his eyes, "What happened to your face?" I frowned and lefted my hand up to my check, then remembered the greenish bruise that was on it. "Training" He raised his eyebrow at me, "Well its good to have you back Alex" That was all it took before I took the eight steps to bed and threw myself on top of Dean.

"Don't ever do that to me again you stupid stupid Winchester" I said into his neck.

He laughed, "I'll try not too" Dean turned to Sam, "So you said a Reaper was after me" I frowned, wondering if at some point when the Doctor was talking if Sam had told Dean that. I was even confused as too how Sam would know a reaper was after Dean? Also knowing that if there was a Reaper. It only meant one thing, John did make a Deal.I felt my body go tense against Dean's, I hope he didn't notice. Though I'm sure he did, So I guess I hope it just thinks it's cause of the Reaper.

"Yeah." Sam said.

Dean, looking sort of shocked yet a sort of impressed look on his face, "How'd I ditch it?" I felt myself smile against him. Dean always could make you smile, that's what I lo-liked about him.

"You got me. Dean, you really don't remember anything?" Obviously this was bugging Sam as much as I thought, I had a moment of thinking maybe I should tell them. They had a right to know. And even if they hated me after… Well they would know. I held on a little tighter to Dean, knowing I might not get the chance again after they found out.

"No. Except this pit in my stomach. Sam, something's wrong." I looked up and knew I had to tell them, "Guys-" A knock at the door interrupted me. John stood hovering in the doorway, "How you feeling, Dude?"

"Fine, I guess. I'm alive." I couldn't help but think that was such a Dean answer.

"That's what matters" John said smiling at him son. Sam who looked ready to kill someone, "Where were you last night?"

"I had some things to take care of." He stated in matter of fact way quickly glancing at me in Dean's arms, "Well, that's specific" Sam still sounded ready to explode.

"Come on, Sam." I heard it Dean voice, the way he wanted his brother just to drop it. Yet, he still was curious too as to what his father had been doing.

"Did you go after the demon?" I watched John's reaction, He didn't flinch he just said, "No"

"You know, why don't I believe you right now?" Sam jaw was clenched his voice hard.

"Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?" I felt Dean hold his breath for a second. I could tell he never heard his father talk like that, and if he had, It hadn't been for a very long time.

Sam taken back, "Dad, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey, son, would you, uh, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Sam said glancing at me and Dean then back to him father, he walked out of the room a frown stil placed on his face.

John watched him walk out, a look of sadness on his face.

After a moment he looked back to Dean and I, and I knew I should get out of there. "So this your girlfriend" Wow. That was something I wasn't thinking John would say, for one he knew I wasn't and for two just, well, wow.

Dean snorted, "She wishes" he muttered under his breath loud enough for me and John to hear. "Hey" I said as I poked him in his stomach. Now that I knew he wasn't dying I was willing to hurt him just a bit.

"Ouch" he said faking it. I rolled my eyes and moved out of his arms and bed, "Dad I don't know if you met her but this is Alex" John nodded at his son, "Yeah I met her, nice girl" John said looking at me, I held my breath.

Dean snorted again, "You sure you we're talk'n about the same girl" I shot Dean a glare. "as fabulous as this conversation is…"

John looked at me, "Hey Alex you mind giving us a moment"

"Sure" I turned back to Dean, "Don't go dyin again on me you hear?" I said bending down and hugging him. He nodded his head and looked at his dad, I walked out of the room.

Though I didn't go far, Only a few feet enough to were they wouldn't see me but I could still hear them. I knew it was wrong, but I had to know what John was saying to him.

"What is it?" Dean asked, coming to the same conclusion as me, his dad wanted me and Sam gone so he could talk.

"You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say 'It's okay, Dad'…Dean, I'm sorry"

I felt my breath still, Never imagine hearing this from the man as hard as steel.

"What?" That was twice in one day John Winchester shocked his sons.

"You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you."

I kept holding my breath, getting lost in their conversation. All my focus on them.

"This really you talking?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's really me."

"Why are you saying this stuff?""I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?"

"Yeah, dad, you know I will. You're scaring me." It almost broke my heart hearing the emotion in Dean's voice.

"Don't be scared, Dean."

I shut my eyes not able to hear more, damn it I want to know what he's saying.

_'I need you too save Sammy Dean. An-and if you can't save him. You need to kill him son'_

My eyes popped opened. My hand covered my mouth holding in the gasp that was ready to come out.

John just told Dean he might have to kill Sam. And just like with Sam before I heard his thoughts. Heard what he was saying when I shouldn't have.

What the hell is going on?

I saw John walk out of the Dean's room, He looked at me and nodded his head.

I'm not letting him just walk away, I followed him grabbing his arm when I knew we were far enough away from Dean's room that he wouldn't over hear me.

"What the hell was that John?" I had the serious urge to punch him.

"You can not be serious you just told Dean to-" I couldn't even say it out loud. I shut my eyes holding back my tears of shock and anger.

"You wouldn't understand" I tried not to pay attention to the pain in his voice. I didn't want to feel sorry for him, I couldn't feel sorry for him "Your damn right I wouldn't understand and to be quit frank I would never understand how a father could ask that of his son.. Of Dean"

Johns eyes held tears, "I know I have no right to ask you this… I'm asking, no, I'm begging you to watch over my boys. Keep them safe."

I shook my head not understanding him, "I would protect them with my life, but if any of us three our protecting each other it's them always protecting me"

John looked into my eyes, "You really don't know-" His voice was low I was almost missed it, "When I followed Logan that night. He led me to this parking garage of this big business building. There were about four other people there, they had these weird silver eyes all of them talking about you. Most of it was in some gibberish. Like some ancient language. The only thing I got was when they spoke English. That boy Logan said you were improving that your power was to raw to tap into all the way, but that he was almost there. He said my boys were holding you back from your nature-" He shook his head and looked at me, "They said that he better make you, that they needed you too win this war. I never saw anything like it. One minute they were there the next thing I knew, they were just gone and that Logan boy, he didn't like it" John shook his head, " I tried telling my boys to stay away from you that they don't know enough about you"

He laughed sarcastically, "Now here I am asking for your help.-" He sighed, "Whatever you are. There seems to be a lot of people after you. All of players are going to be coming after you wanting you. You're something big something they need. I'm asking you to use that for my boys. Keep them safe. Please"

Still trying to comprehend everything he said, I just nodded my head. He walked away from me.

I stood there for a moment in a daze, not realizing that Sam was just down the hall walking towards me.

I'm something big? Something they need?

I didn't notice Sam glancing in his fathers room.

"DAD?!" I looked over in time to see Sam drop the cup of coffee.

Nurses and doctors rushed into the room, My heart stopped. I saw out of the corner of my eye Dean standing at his door, looking at me to the spilt coffee a few doors down.

He rushed past me trying to get to Sam and his father. A nurse pushed him out of the way,

"No, no, no, it's our dad. It's our dad! Come on." His voice was pleading.

I looked at Dean and Sam who both had tears in their eyes. I shut my eyes feeling my own begin to water. I though of nothing, trying to focus on what happen. Counting back in my head like Logan had taught me.

_Five…_

"Okay, stop compressions." A doctor called,

_Four…_

"Come on, come on." I heard Dean mutter with enough emotion to break my heart.

_Three…_

"still no pulse." A woman's voice said, I shut my eyes even tighter backing against the wall.

_Two…_

"Okay, that's it everybody."

_One…._

"I'll call it. Time of death: 10:41 am."

Just like that, John Winchester; Father of Dean and Sam Winchester was dead.

* * *

Reveiw :)


	17. The Day After

_I felt his hands move along my bare sides, as his body pressed against mine, his lips leaving trails of bliss on my flushed skin. It sent waves of pleasure through my body screamed for him. His touch was something I never wanted to forget. When he touched me I felt whole, right. "Please" It came out of my mouth before I could stop it. Did I want to stop it? No, No I didn't. My mind answered my own question. I felt him smile against my neck before lightly kissing it sending another chill through my body, my body arched into his. Every cell in my body called out to him, wanting him to be the one. I lifted my hand that had been clenching the bed sheet and ran them though his hair, before gently bringing his face up to mine. _

"_I want this… I need this… Need you" I knew he was unsure of taking my virginity but I wanted it to be with him. He smiled down at me, "Are you sure?" "Yes" I whispered, pulling his head down to mine. I tugged on his bottom lip, a small moan escaped his mouth making me smile against his lips, "Make love to me." He pulled his head back, a confused look crossed his face. I knew he was confused and shocked by my choice of words. I was shocked too, but it felt right. _

_My hands cupped his cheeks, I smiled at him. "I need you, God help me, but I do." He smiled his brightest smile at me before his lips crashed down on mine. "You saved me Alex" He mumbled against my lips, "More then you know" He looked into my eyes one final time, "Are you sure?" I smiled at him, "Yes." His brown eyes shined, something I hadn't thought was really possible. The next thing I knew, I was making love to Samuel Winchester. _

Oh god. Oh my freaking god. I sat up in my sweat covered sheets. I looked around the bedroom, my heavy breathing the only thing I could hear.

Why did I just have a-a dream about Sam. I shut my eyes putting a hand over my rushing heart beat. Talk about something being awkward.

It had felt so real, so strong. That I part of me wished it was true, that if I looked over he would be there. I shook my head trying to get rid of that thought. Don't get my wrong, I care for Sam deeply, very deeply, but I don't- Like him to the point where I would sleep with him. Let alone give him my virginity.

I shook my head, telling myself it was just some stupid dream. It's just the emotional stress I'm going through thats making me have wacky dreams about a certain Winchester.

I certain Winchester with brown eyes and shaggy hair and a body of a god.

"Ughhh" I fell back on the bed.

Whats wrong with me? Well maybe nothing, I mean I would be blind if I wasn't attracted to Sam. He was an extremely good looking guy. Any female could see that. So having that type of dream is normal. Nothing to worry over.

I looked out of the barley clean window and saw that the sun was rising.

The night before we had burned John Winchester, some time after that Dean just stopped talking. He would answer you if you asked him something, but if you didn't he stayed still not saying a word. It scared me to be honest.

Sam was the opposite, and I, Well I felt a guilt deep inside knowing I helped him. Not only did I help him make a deal with the demon to save Dean but it seems it was also to give the demon the colt. The one thing the boys could use to kill the evil thing with.

I wanted to tell them, Tell them what John had done. That he did it to save Dean, that he did it because he loved his son enough to give up the one thing he truly wanted -the demon dead-. But to do that would mean I would have to tell them about my role. About knowing what John had planned and not stopping him.

I would have to tell them about the spell, about hearing Sam's and John's thoughts for a fleeting second. That I knew what John had asked Dean to do. To tell them about what I had learned -which was hardly anything; about big bad scary people wanting me and for some odd reason I wasn't scared. About how I was being selfish enough to let their father die so I could get Dean back.

I sighed, getting out of bed knowing I couldn't fall back asleep. I was quiet as I walked across the room and opened the door. Not wanting to wake Sam or Dean. Mostly importantly not wanting to wake Bobby Singer, The hunter who took us in the night before.

I knew only from the two hour of conversation I had with the man to see that he cared for the Dean and Sam, that he was an amazing friend and hunter, and that I liked him immediately. So I didn't want to wake him up at the early hour.

I walked into the kitchen, pulled the only glass cup from the draining pan and filled it up with cold water.

I took a sip, trying to cool down my body which still seemed to be a bit over heated at the moment. It was strange, how my body reacts to what I dream.

I looked out the kitchen window seeing nothing but piles of junked cars. I couldn't help but think it was a bit creepy, something that would be the setting in a scary movie.

I put the glass to my lips again, "Hey" I turned around and spit the water out, yet managing to chock on some.

Yup. He was shirtless.

Sam rushed over to me, "You okay? Sorry there, I didn't mean to scare you" He said patting my back as I coughed. I took a step away from him from I stopped coughing not wanting to be that close to him while he wore no shirt.

He must have caught my glance as his feet shifted uncomfortably, "uh, I didn't think anyone else would be up."

Not only was he shirtless but he was also only in boxers. And you could tell he just woke up extra happy. Oh boy. I don't think he noticed that… How could he not though it was so… I really just need to shut up and stop thinking. Focus Alex, I looked up and met his gaze, the image of his brown eyes above me flashed through my head.

I cleared my throat, as if that would clear my head, "No, No it's okay. I just ah, needed water" He nodded, "Me too-" he pointed towards my half full glass, "You mind?" I shook my head no. He took my glass, I couldn't help but watch as he lifted it too his mouth.

The condensation on the cold glass dripped, (was it really going in slow motion?) and hit his chest. My body reacted immediately, I fought to keep the small moan go away. When I couldn't I covered it up with a cough. I took a few steps back, -down girl- and almost knocked over a chair.

Great there goes the whole being quiet thing.

"Are you sure your okay?" Sam asked before wiping his wet lips off with his arm.

God. I need too get away from him. Now. Fast and now.

"Yeah, ah. Yeah I just-" think Alex "Uh, need to pee." I gave him a small smile as he looked at me worriedly, I turned around and hurried out of Bobby kitchen and crashed into something, or more so someone. Their arms caught me before I could fall flat on my butt.

I looked up into the eyes of Dean. His arms were still around me as he stilled me, "You alright?" I nodded, and then seen that he was shirtless also.

What the hell, don't these guys know how to put on a damn shirt!! I backed out of his arms, "Fine. I uh. Just have too a-a pee!" My voice sort of squeaked at the end, I hope they didn't hear it.

I wondered briefly if I was still dreaming.

Dean had a frown on his face as I walked away from him.

"Is she okay?" I heard Sam asked, he was obviously concerned for my strange behavior. "I'm sure she-" Dean cut himself off with laughter, I stopped at the steps and listened. I hadn't heard Dean laugh since he had first woken up, "What are you laughing at?"

"Dude. You probably scared the poor girl"

"What are you-"

"Your little soldier saluting"

"Wh-shit!… you think she noticed?" You could hear the embarrassment in Sam's voice.

I heard Dean snort and mutter something about 'not that impressive'

I sighed, if that wasn't impressive I would… never mind I don't want to finish that thought. "Ahh" I grumbled as I walked up the steps. I really needed a cold shower.

Damnit!

*~*~*~*

After three hours of hiding in my room, an a hour of showering and dressing in my running gear - black shorts and a small white t- I finally got the nerve to go back down stairs. I decided my 'freak-out' was due too lack of sleep, stress, and that silly dream that just had my body 'responsive' to that sort of thing. It wasn't my fault. It wouldn't happen again.

Of course who do I see first thing? Sam. He was fully dressed-thank god- and sitting at the kitchen table playing with a cell phone. Though he still looked amazing, he always looked amazing. Both of the brothers did.

It was strange this weird emotion stirred in me, almost like some animalistic urge to take him as my own. I swallowed and took a step back.

What's wrong with me? His father just died and I'm having dreams about him, and urges to… I really need to get my head checked.

He didn't seem to notice my presence. I wondered briefly if I should sneak out before he saw me. But I knew that was stupid, If I wanted to stay with them I had to get over my little dream problem. So I cleared my throat hoping to get his attention. It worked. He gave me a small smile before faltered; he was embarrassed too. Great, the last thing I wanted was to talk about this morning, and knowing Sam that is what he would do. Talk until he was sure everything was okay.

"Hey" I could tell by his tone of voice he was readying himself to talk.

"What are you doing?" I asked, taking the phone out of his hand and sitting next to him, hoping to distract him. From his 'talk' he wanted.

Then I noticed the phone I held wasn't one I recognized, "Trying to figure out my dad's password" Sighing his fingers drummed against the table in a nervous manner, "Listen Alex…" I looked up cutting him off, "Sam it's cool" his body visibly relaxed but he kept going, "I shouldn't have…"

I sighed now figuring out I couldn't avoid this, "Hey, I was the one who freaked out" I laughed and smiled at him, "Its not your fault that I-"

That I had a sex dream about you that still seems to be getting to me, and then saw you in all your morning glory and it made me go into heat like some-

"reacted the way I did" My voice was tighter then it was meant to be.

He nodded his head but his eyes showed that he knew I wasn't fine. "So what are you doing" He glanced at my outfit, I smiled at him. "Training" He frowned before laughing at me, "Training?" I rolled my eyes, "I'm going on a run" As much as I hated Logan, I still would keep up my training -by myself- If anything should happen I would want to be prepared.

And from Johns early announcement it was obvious that there was something that was going on with me, something big and dangerous. I had to learn how to protect myself after coming to the decision to stop looking into my past. I mean if I'm really what these people want, looking into them, giving them a chance to find me? Wasn't something I was willing to risk.

I would be normal from now on. Or as normal as I could be in the world of hunting. Plus I had a feeling that the spell worked. What else could have had me listen to John and Sam's thoughts? That wasn't really normal and I knew I would have to deal with it sooner or later; I was just picking later. I was starting to get nervous about how much that spell had coasted me. What else did it change in me?

He raised his eyebrow at me grinning, "You've changed Alex" I frowned, wondering if he somehow heard my thoughts. "What?" He shook his head, "I don't know what it is. But there's something about you that's' different-" He smiled, "Not in a bad way. Just different.-" His grin got bigger "I mean you are training"

"Hey" I said shoving him, he grabbed my wrist.

The image of my early dream flashed into my head, the muscles in my lower stomach automatically tighten, my legs closed.

our laughter stopped as we kept eye contact, I could see the sadness in his brown eyes. I knew the guilt he felt for yelling at his father, for not being there. All the regret was obvious. But you could also see the anger. The anger at himself for regretting, the anger at his father for dying and leaving Dean.

I had this overwhelming urge to pull him into a hug and kiss him to tell him that it would be okay, that It would make it better. But I knew I couldn't for whatever reason my body was reacting to Sam in such a different degree that it scared me.

The door shutting loudly snapped me back to reality, I pushed my body and chair away from Sam almost to the point where I tipped it over. My heart was racing, my face flushed, I felt my control over my body slowly coming back.

Sam blinked a few times and let out a breath staring at me, "SAMMY!"

"In here Dean" he said clearing his throat.

Dean walked in and looked between us frowning. I felt a drop in my stomach, not wanting Dean to think something was going on between Sam and I "I need a part and cant' find it. You think you can try to order it-" His voice was like background music to my fast beating heart and my very confused mind.

Once again, I wondered; what the hell is going on?

*~*~*~*

I laid in bed that night thinking about how things just seem to be lining itself up for a horrible ending.

I sighed and flipped over to my side, I could hear Dean walking up the steps. I knew it was him only because moments before I heard him working outside on the Impala. Which seemed to be the only thing that was keeping Dean together.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, What made me get out of bed and walk towards his room. I surely don't know what made me knock on his door until he finally grumbled a come in.

But when I opened the door and saw him standing by his bed I felt my heart break.

"What do you want Alex" It was the only thing he'd said to me since walking into him early. I walked quietly into his room and shut the door.

"I was wondering if your okay" I knew instantly that was the wrong thing to ask. He clenched his jaw together, his hand flexed in fist for only a short second before going flat again.

"I mean you know, with the Impala. Do you need some help?" He looked into my eyes and he knew I was lying. It was pretty obvious that I wasn't really asking about the Impala.

His amused smirk was more sad then ever, "And who would help me? You?" I shrugged my shoulders and walked across the room to look out the window, "I can always hand you the tools."

"I think I'll be fine with out you" Ouch. That was harsh, "If you don't mind Alex I'd like to go to bed" I turned around and looked at him.

Dean from the start had been my anchor, always keeping me grounded. Always there ready for me to break so he could fix me. I wasn't sure why I did it, I could blame it on stress but I knew I would be lying. I could blame it one trying to forget about my dream last night. About trying to prove a point that I wasn't interested in Sam. Hell, I could even blame it on just wanting to make Dean feel better. But the truth was, I wanted to feel better. I needed Dean to feel better.

I walked towards him, my chin up looking into his eyes that showed how broken he really was. I put my arms around him, he stiffened under my touch, causing a little sting of pain in my heart. My arms still around him I backed up enough to look at his face, "Dean…" I wasn't sure what I was going to say, But it didn't matter cause in the moment Dean's mouth landed on mine.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I stood still for a moment, before finally the reality hit me and I kissed him back.

The was everything I thought it would be. It was hungry and pain filled. He kissed me fast and hard as if he was trying to forget just for a moment the world around him. I kissed him back just as much.

My arms went around his neck, my body moved closer to his. I couldn't taste him enough, I couldn't feel him enough.

His hands that had been on my waist moved an inch under my shirt, It was such a small movement but I felt it. His hands on my flesh sent a fire though my body, I shivered. "Dean…" I said his name, whether it was for more or agreement I wasn't sure. But it stopped him, In the next moment his hands had left my skin, pushing me back away from him. My arms left his neck in shock.

"Son of a bitch" His chest heaved as he glared at me. I felt my face turn bright red, the embarrassment the guilt all running around in my head.

"Dean it's fin-"

"Don't Alex. Don't you dare say its fine" I snapped my mouth shut, shocked by his outburst. "It is" I whispered, He glared at me, "Alex I can't use you like this"

"Use me?" I said the words as if I had never heard them before.

"Yes, use you. Your not…" He took a deep breath, his jaw clenched, "What just happened was a mistake. I shouldn't have kissed you Alex."

A mistake? He shouldn't have kissed me?

"Oh" That was the only thing I could say, He looked at me, the tension still plain to see. "I don't see you like that. Kissing you gives you the wrong idea."

I nodded my head, took a deep breath and gave him a small smile, "Yeah- I should go now" I walked to the door not looking at him, not wanting him to see the pain on my face.

It seemed whatever my body felt for Sam my heart felt for Dean. I didn't want him to hurt more then he did, I didn't want him to see that in some small way he had caused me pain.

I heard him sigh as I got to door, "Alex" I didn't turn around, my hand still on the knob "Yeah?" It was barley a whisper, "If I need anyone to hand me tools I'll get you" A small tear slid down my check, "Yeah. That's what I'm here for. Goodnight Dean" I left his room feeling lonely then ever.

* * *

Hey guys! So I intended for this to be the start of 'everyone loves a clown' but I thought maybe just do a short chapter of Alex/Sam & some Alex/Dean before we get to the Roadhouse & evil killer Clowns. =)

So next chapter will be the start of Everyone Loves a Clown.

How do you think Alex will take towards Ash, Ellen & Jo?


	18. Upside Down

I sat on Bobby's living room floor with piles of old worn out dusty books surrounding me. I couldn't help but think that a library would be jealous of the books he has, though it didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I saw out of the corner of my eye Bobby walking down the steps.

"Hey Bobby?"

"Yeah?" He stopped and looked at the mess I made and gave a small smile, "You have any books on Ancient mythology. Or just Ancient cities Ancient powers, maybe the first of witchcraft?"

He looked at me with a frown, "I have a lot. Anything particular to him me narrow it down?"

Don't do it Alex, He doesn't need to know. "Silver eyes?" I asked my voice weak.

"Silver eyes?" He asked slowly, then shook his head and sighed and walked towards a stack of books in the far corner, "Try looking in some of these books. If it ain't in there then I have some more in the basement."

"Thanks Bobby."

I knew I said that I wouldn't look into my past. And I'm not, well not really. I'm just looking up things that John may or may not have been talking about. That can't get me into any trouble. Right?

And it's not as if I could call Logan and ask him. He would be the one person to know, but honestly he wouldn't tell me. That boy doesn't know how to tell me anything.

I had this very basic childish urge to text him a bunch 'jerk' 'asshole' 'douche bag' texts every few minutes, but I kept calm and didn't. I wasn't a child, and pissing someone off who most likely was a pawn for a bunch of big time hitters isn't something I think would be good.

"Hey" I looked up and saw Sam standing where Bobby had only moments before smiling at me, I smiled at Sam, "You get that working yet?" I asked nodding to the phone that had been attached to his hand.

"Yeah. I was just about to go out and talk to Dean. Just seeing if your going to be ready?"

"Ready?" He nodded, "Some Lady Ellen left a message about the demon, I was thinking we'll probably head out there and check it out. Your coming right?"

I smiled at Sam, "Yeah I'm coming"

"Good" He gave me one last small smile before heading out the door to find Dean. Who was working on the Impala.

I couldn't help but get one of those small feelings in my gut when I thought about Dean. He hadn't talked or much less looked at me since the night in his room. Not that could blame him. Well okay I could blame him I just choose not to blame him. I mean he has all this going on, it's not his fault he kissed me then nearly made me feel like my heart was breaking when he said it was a mistake.

Eh. Maybe, going with them isn't a good idea. I looked at where Sam had been standing, and wondered how things got so complicated. First with the whole Sam dream (which still freaked me out bit, though I hadn't had anymore since that night) Then the whole 'sorry you're a mistake' thing with Dean.

It seemed like I finally got the boys back and now everything was going wrong.

John dying, that stupid spell I did. Well that was just the cherry on top of the sundae of my life.

I sighed getting up, feeling sticky and sweaty. I wondered if I had time to take a shower before we left?

I was about to walk out side before I turned back, "Hey Bobby" I called as I walked into the kitchen were he was sitting eating, "Yeah?"

I smiled, "I think we're about to head out. Do you think we can borrow one of your cars?"

"There's a van" I almost laughed, then realized he was being serious. "A van?"

Dean wasn't going to like that. "Yeah I van. This aint a car dealership, its not like I have time fixing up all those junkers"

"We'll take the van" I said as he got up and handed me a keychain.

Walking out of the house I stopped suddenly hearing Dean's voice raised with emotion.

"Stop asking if I need anything, stop asking if I'm okay. I'm okay. Really. I promise."

I shut my eyes, wondering if Dean would ever heal from his fathers death and last wishes. I knew Dean would take Johns death hard, but I had to wonder, If John hadn't asked him to… Well you know. Would he still be this detached? I couldn't help but feel once again a strong dislike for John Winchester.

I'm hating on a Dead guy, Which is horrible on so many different levels.

"All right, Dean, it's just... We've been at Bobby's for over a week now and you haven't brought up Dad once."

I could tell Sam wanted his brother back, but this wasn't helping.

"You know what? You're right. Come here. I'm gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug, and maybe even slow dance. "

My breath caught in my throat. I silently prayed that they would stop fighting. They needed each other, and butting heads wasn't the best way to show that.

"Don't patronize me, Dean, Dad is dead. The Colt is gone, and it seems pretty damn likely that the demon is behind all of this, and you're acting like nothing happened. " Sam voice got angrier with every word.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say something, all right? Hell, say anything! Aren't you angry? Don't you want revenge? All you do is sit out here all day long buried underneath this damn car."

"Revenge, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good. You got any leads on where the demon is? Making heads or tails of any of Dad's research? Because I sure ain't. But you know, if we do finally find it - oh. No, wait, like you said. The Colt's gone. But I'm sure you've figured out another way to kill it. We've got nothing, Sam. Nothing, okay? So you know the only thing I can do? Is I can work on the car."

I couldn't almost picture the fire in Dean's eyes as he said that.

There was the sound of metal hitting metal for a moment, Dean had obviously gone back to working on the Impala.

"Well, we've got something, all right? it's what I came by here to tell you. This is one of dad's old phones. Took me a while, but i cracked his voicemail code. Listen to this."

I took a deep breath and put on a 'I didn't just over hear anything' face and walked out and stood next to Sam, I gave him a small smile.

I couldn't help but feel bad for him. I knew that as much as Dean was hurting, Sam was also hurting too.

"That message is four months old."

"Dad saved that chick's message for four months?" Dean said ignoring my presence, not even looking at me. It was good to feel invisible.

"Yeah."

"Well, who's Ellen? Any mention of her in Dad's journal?"

"No. But I ran a trace on her phone number and I got an address."

"Ask Bobby if we can use one of his cars."

"Already did" I said throwing the keys too Dean. Who quickly glanced at me before catching the keys.

"Alright. I'm going to go get washed up" He said walking past us with out another look. I sighed, How is it that he can ignore me and I still find it hard to breath around him? Even more so when he's covered in grease.

"So you heard all of that huh?" Sam said looking down at me, I frowned, "You knew I was there?"

He nodded his head, "You not real quiet when you walked up" I snapped my mouth opened, "Are you calling me fat Sam Winchester?"

"Wait. What? No!" He looked shocked, "Ah huh."

"No I just meant I heard you muttering under your breath"

"I was muttering under my breath?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh"

I don't know why, but I didn't believe him.

*~*~*~*

My first thought was, 'Crap I fell asleep'. My second was, 'those asses didn't wake me up' I sighed getting out of the of the Van.

I couldn't help but smile thinking back to Dean when he saw what he had to drive.

The 'roadhouse' was run down and didn't have a car in the parking lot. Great, just great. I walked up and opened the unlocked door too see Dean bending over muttering

'I can't see. I can't even see.'

While some blond held a rifle to him, I was about to say something when the back door opened and Sam walked out holding both hands on his head, a women walked out behind him with a handgun point at his head.

"Sorry, Dean, I can't right now. I'm a... little tied up."

"You Winchesters can't do anything right" I muttered rolling my eyes,

The blond looked at me, surprised I had come in and she didn't realize it.

"Sam? Dean? Winchester?"

"Yeah." Dean said still holding his nose,

"Son of a bitch." Ellen said with a smile on her face

"Mom, you know these guys?" the blond said looking weary.

"Yeah, I think these are John Winchester's boys.-" she lowered her gun, "Hey I'm Ellen, This is my daughter Jo"

The blond who I now know is Jo lowered her rifle, Dean smiled at her. I looked away, making eye contact with Sam making sure he was okay.

"Hey."

UH! Can you try to sound any more flirty there girly.

"You're not gonna hit me again, are you?"

ARGH!

"So who are you?" Ellen asked as I advanced towards Sam, "I'm Alex" I gave her a small smile, "A friend" She nodded her head.

"You okay?" I asked Sam when I got close enough.

"Yeah" He gave me a weird look. What I can't ask if he's okay! I rolled my eyes, and walked towards the bar ignoring Dean and Jo talking.

In the meantime Ellen got a towel with Ice and handed it too Dean, "Here you go."

"Thanks. You called our dad, said you could help. Help with what?" Dean asked holding the Ice to his nose.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to smack Jo or give her a high five. Strange.

"Well, the demon, of course. I heard he was closing in on it. "

"What, was there an article in the Demon Hunters Quarterly that I missed? I mean, who are you? How do you know about all this?"

I frowned at Dean for being rude. He just glanced at me and ignored me, "Hey, I just run a saloon. But hunters have been known to pass through now and again. Including your dad a long time ago. John was like family once." As Ellen said this she gave Jo a look.

I looked up surprised, John was like Family and yet the boys never heard of her? What else was John keeping from them?

"Oh yeah? How come he never mentioned you before?"

"You'd have to ask him that."

I looked at Dean and saw that he just glanced away, "So why exactly do we need your help?" I sighed, knowing he didn't want or need me standing there near him, so I walked towards Sam who was sitting down behind Dean and put my hand on his shoulder.

Even with his sitting down and me standing I felt like a midget near him.

"Hey, don't do me any favors. Look, if you don't want my help, fine. Don't let the door smack your ass on the way out. But John wouldn't have sent you if…" Ellen stopped mid sentence realizing as if it hit her smack dab in the face. And from the looks of it, it hit her hard.

"He didn't send you."

Dean looked back at us, the ice bag on his nose but you could still see the moister in his eyes.

"He's all right, isn't he?"

"No.-" Sam cleared his throat and tried again, I put more pressure on his shoulder " No, he isn't. It was the demon, we think. It, um, it just got him before he got it, I guess."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. We're all right." Ellen looked at Dean not believing him, "Really? I know how close you and your dad were-"

"Really, lady, I'm fine." I felt Sam tense under my hand. Everyone in the room with half a brain would see that he wasn't okay.

An awkward silence filled the air, "So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get." Sam said to Ellen.

I kept quiet, having a lot of things run through my mind. Not knowing if I should stay with Sam or go to Dean. I stayed put knowing that if I went to Dean he would only tell me to go away.

I let out a low sigh, hoping Sam didn't hear.

"Well, we can't. But Ash will."

Ash?

"Who's Ash?" I asked trying to keep my tone normal. I know It's stupid but hearing that name made me think of my Ash, the one that was possessed by a demon.

Suddenly I felt a whole lot more guilt. Not realizing that if I did give up searching for answers, I would be giving up on my best friend.

There had to be a way to get the demon out of her body, right?

"Ash!" Ellen yelled, causing the man behind us, (who I for some weird reason didn't notice till that moment. Woke up, flailing around.

"What? It closin' time?" the man yelled back half asleep. I couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"That's Ash?" Sam asked questionably an giving me a look that said 'they can't be serious'

"Mm-hmm. He's a genius". Jo said looking smug.

Great.

*~*~*~*

"You've gotta be kidding me, this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie." Dean said glaring a bit at Ash

"I like you." Ash said with a smile, I couldn't help but smile back. Ash was something else all right, but in a good way.

"Thanks." Dean grumbled, being rude again.

"Just give him a chance." Jo said looking at Dean. Dean looked at her for a moment, and I felt my heart sink. What, he sure can make eye contact with the blond but not me?

"Yeah Dean. There's nothing wrong with being a simple kind of man" The venom in my voice was more obvious then I had attented, Dean gaze snapped to me.

"I really like you" Ash said to me smiling, I gave him a bright smile back.

"All right. This stuff's about a year's worth of our dad's work, so uh, let's see what you make of it." He said eyebrow raised as he pushed the folder that he had towards Ash.

Ash pulled out the papers going looking through them shaking his head, "Come on. This crap ain't real. There ain't nobody can track a demon like this."

"Our dad could." I could hear the pride in Sam's voice as he said that,

Still looking at the papers Ash frowned then said, "There are non-parametric, statistical overviews, prospects and correlations, I mean.. damn! They're signs. Omens. Uh, if you can track 'em, you can track this demon. You know, like crop failures, electrical storms... You ever been struck by lightening? It ain't fun."

"Can you track it or not?" Sam asked looking at him, slightly impressed yet still a bit weary.

"Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time, uh, give me... -" he looked up as if he was counting something "fifty one hours." With a nod he got up and left.

Dean smirked at him, "Hey, man?"

"Yeah?"

"I, uh, I dig the haircut." I glared at Dean, What was his problem. Or maybe what was my problem, why was everything he doing pissing me off.

"All business up front, party in the back." Ash said with a laughing smile as he ran his fingers through his hair. I smiled at him, He obviously doesn't care about Dean's rudeness towards him.

I noticed Jo walking by giving a flirty look to Dean. I held back my snort, dream on Barbie.

"Hey, Ellen, what is that?" Sam asked about the same time I saw Dean checking Jo out and following her to the table she started clearing off.

Awesome. Just flipping awesome.

It felt like a tide of heat raise up from the center of my body. I shut my eyes a second, before I rudely cut Ellen off, "Bathroom?" She looked at me for a moment before smiling, "Right through there honey" She said point to the opposite end of the bar.

I got up ignoring the look Sam was giving me. I was acting like some crazy jealous ex.

As I walked towards the bathroom I heard Dean say, "Yeah. So. I guess I've got fifty one hours to waste. Maybe tonight we should, uh…"

I think I'm going to be sick.

I walked into the bathroom wanting nothing more then to slam my fist into the mirrior. Calm down Alex, just calm down. I kept telling myself over and over again. I looked at my reflection, seeming as if I was having a stare down with myself. I had to get in control of myself of these emotions.

"Damnit!" I said pounding my fist on the cold ceramic sink.

I shut my eyes and took deep breaths counting back from ten. I had to calm myself, center myself or I would do something I would regret. I raised my eyebrow at an annoying buzzing, I reached into my back pocket and took out my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number but I answered anyways, "Hello?" There was a high pitched giggling noise, "Hello?" I asked again. The voice on the other end sounding childish yet…not almost too high pitched and too evil? Started to talk in a singing voice,

_Peter, Peter pumpkin eater, _

_Had a wife but couldn't keep her; _

_He put her in a pumpkin shell _

_And there he kept her very well. _

_Peter, Peter pumpkin eater, _

_Had another and didn't love her; _

_Peter learned to read and spell, _

_And then he loved her very well_

**Click. **

A chill swept over me as I swallowed hard. What the hell was that?

* * *

Gahhh. What did you think? Who called Alex, & What do you think that little nursery rhyme meant? Ehhh.

Hehe. Btw. I always thought nursery rhyme's are really creepy. Hehe.

&& Incase you didn't get it the whole 'simple man' commment, Lynyrd Skynyrd did a song called Simple Man. It's a really good song if you like that kinda music.

Anyways, Review;  
Please? ;)


	19. Want a Ballon?

I walked out of the bathroom feeling sick, my mind kept playing back the phone call.

What the hell was that? I wondered to myself.

"You okay?" I looked up and notice I had Sam's attention.

Dean who was sitting next to him with a folder in his hands looked like he wasn't paying attention, but I knew he was.

I shook my head and gave a small smile, "Some weird prank phone call"

That's all it was, Some sick twisted prank phone call. I kept telling myself over and over again. That's all it had to be.

"You sure?" Sam asked concern taking the few steps towards me looking at me with questions in his puppy dog eyes.

Don't remember the dream, oh please god don't let me think about that dream with him with close. Oh hell.

I remembered the dream.

"I'm fine it was just some twisted nursery rhyme, some kid playing a game. God, I think mother goose was a demon or something"

Sam cracked a small smile, "What one was it?"

"Peter Pumpkin Eater"

Sam laughed, "A guy goes crazy and chops up his wife and puts her in a pumpkin' not something you think parents would read to their children for a bedtime story"

I snorted, "Lets face the facts, most fairy tales or nursery rhyme are far off from being normal. Makes you wonder who really came up with the stuff don't it?"

"Well if you guys are done chatting about nonsense we have a case" Dean said breaking Sam and I conversation, I looked over at him noticing his pissed off expression.

I guess he wont get his fifty one hours with Barbie. No wonder he's in a bad mood. I rolled my eyes getting annoyed, "So are we heading out then?" I walked over taking the file out of his grip making sure not to come in contact with his skin, Which was the last thing I needed.

"Not before you guys get something to eat," Ellen said behind the bar with a smile. "I got a few burgers on the grill now."

It was easy to see that she was a mother, not only to her daughter but also to those that walk into the Roadhouse.

Dean smiled. It still wasn't his normal smile, but it gave me hope.

"We can't say no to that now can we?"

*~*~*~*

I sat in the back of the van with my legs stretched across the seat, magazine on my lap reading. I couldn't help but being amused that I was reading Cosmo.

When the three of us stopped at a gas station after leaving the roadhouse I had seen the magazine and instantly grabbed it.

Was it weird that it made me feel closer to my best friend?

Awkward silence filled the van; both Dean and Sam had hardly said much to each other since we left the Roadhouse. I hated it, I wanted them to be the brothers they were. Joking around and playing pranks of each other.

I looked down at the article -if you could call it an article- I was reading and grinned getting an idea.

Only question is, could I do it? I felt myself blush just thinking about it. BUT if it meant getting the boys to talk to each other, I could. I WOULD.

"Hey Dean?" My voice was loud in the silence, louder then I wanted.

I can do this, I can do this.

"Yeah?"

CRAP!

I tried to keep my voice as even as possible, "Would you say you prefer sex from behind?"

The car jerked into the other lane with Dean muttering curses under his breath, Sam seemed oddly still.

Thankfully there were no other cars on the road for this conversation.

I couldn't help but laugh inwardly at Deans' reaction.

"What the hell are you talking about Alex," I could feel his eyes on me in the mirror, "What the hell kind of question is that."

I shrugged and kept reading, "Sam, I'm guessing your ether Side by side sex or Missionary" Sam choked on, well I'm not sure what he choked on, but he made a choking noise.

"W-what?"

"Am I right?" I asked innocently with a blank face while inside I was dying of embarrassment.

"Uh" Sam shifted around uncomfortable in the passenger seat, "I don't really, uh…"

"Well it says here that 'Men who prefer Missionary tend to do things by the book, making them faithful, loving boyfriends who wont let you down, while side by side sex indicated that he's sensitive and sweet"

Dean snorted, "That is you Sammy, all girly and stuff"

"Shut up" Sam muttered under his breath.

"So what about you Dean? Sex from behind?" I asked sweetly, I could see his hands tighten on the wheel.

He didn't answer so I kept on reading, "It says 'You'll always feel looked after by this confident take charge guy. Still, he can be standoffish at times. In this position he can't make eye contact, So he wont feel like he's exposing himself emotionally.' "

"What are you reading?" I smirked at Deans tone and looked up, noticing for the first time it was raining.

"Cosmo, It's an article about body language"

There was another long silence and I wondered If I embarrassed myself for nothing.

"What else does it say?" Sam asked sheepishly causing Dean to glare at him though he had an amused expression on his face.

"Well….."

"Well what?" Dean asked after my pause.

"Okay, well you know how you sleep face down?" He nodded his head eyes still on the road.

"It says, 'Studs who sleep on their stomachs have passion and energy. He's a hands-on guy who tens to be punctual and successful. One caveat: His propensity to hog the bed space with his sprawling position suggests he might be a tad controlling"

"Hear that Sammy, I'm punctual and successful"

"It also says your controlling"

"I am not controlling"

I laughed from the back seat, "Dean, your controlling"

"Whatever. What does it say about Sasquatch over here?"

"Umm"

"Um what," Dean said with a laugh in his throat, "Come on. Out with it" I sighed and looked at Sam who seemed to be blushing a bit.

"Well I've noticed that Sam tends to sleep in the fetal position if not on his back…."

"And?" Dean asked getting more amused by this by the second.

"It says, 'The scrunched up snoozer is vulnerable and sensitive. After all, he's guarding his heart. He might cling to a pillow for security. As such, he needs assurance that his feelings are reciprocated before he give himself completely in a relationship"

There was silence followed by Deans laughter, "I always knew you liked those chick flick moments too much Sammy."

"Whatever man" Sam said with a sigh and looked out of the window. I felt bad, even though it did get Dean to laugh.

"I'm 'Confident take charge guy that's punctual and successful' while all you do is 'chick flick moments'"

"Not true" I said from the backseat flipping to the next page.

"How isn't that true?" Dean asked with a new edge to voice that wasn't there a moment ago.

"Well."

"Well what?" Sam asked turning sideways in his seat to look at me.

I smiled at him, "Okay, we'll your all for big hugs"

Dean snorted from the front seat, "Once again 'chick'." Sam rolled his eyes but smiled at me.

"On the contrary Dean. It says, 'He gives you big hugs. This cuddler is a take-charge man who is focused on pampering and protecting. He'll look after you in whatever way he can, whether it's stepping in to handle a stressful situation or just being a shoulder to cry on. Equally dominating between the sheets, he may not let you pick the position. Still, your pleasure is his number one priority, since that's taking care of you in a different -but important- way' Now I'm not that knowledgeable in that area but I'm pretty sure that means that Sam is good in bed"

**CRAP; CRAP I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT DID I**?

I bit my lip embarrassed not believing I just said that.

"Awkward." Dean muttered loud enough for me and Sam to hear him.

This was going to be one long car ride.

*~*~*~*

"You've gotta be kidding me. A killer clown?" Dean said disbelieving.

It was the third time we went over the case file and the 'killer clown' never got less creepy. I mean really, A clown?

That just screams horror movie.

"Yeah. He left the daughter unharmed and killed the parents. Ripped them to pieces, actually." Sam said reading the file with a flashlight.

"Well that's just dandy" I said with a shudder.

"And this family was at some carnival that night?" Dean asked ignoring my comment.

"Right, right. The, uh, Cooper Carnivals."

"So how do you know we're not dealing with some psycho carnie in a clown suit?"

"Well, the cops have no viable leads, and all the employees were tearing down shop. Alibis all around. Plus this girl said she saw a clown vanish into thin air. Cops are saying trauma, of course."

"You think they advertise that with the tickets, 'ten bucks more you get a killer clown' whoever is doing this is deranged"

A killer clown? Really? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea coming with the guys for this one.

Dean snickered, "Well, I know what you're thinking, Sam. Why did it have to be clowns?"

"Oh, give me a break." Sam's voice was annoyed and a bit embarrassed.

Dean laughed, "You didn't think I'd remember, did you? I mean, come on, you still bust out crying whenever you see Ronald McDonald on the television."

"Well, at least I'm not afraid of flying." smirked back.

I tried to hold in my laughter, Sam had told me about the time they had to fly and Dean freaked out. I would give anything to see the cool calm and collected Dean act like, well act human. "Planes crash!"

"And apparently clowns kill!" Sam countered back.

Silence.

"So these types of murders, they ever happen before?" I asked laying down from the back seat.

"Uh, according to the file, 1981, the Bunker Brothers Circus, same M.O. It happened three times, three different locales." Sam said flipping through the file, again.

"It's weird, though, I'm mean if it is a spirit it's usually bound to a specific locale, you know, a house, or a town." Dean said drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"So how's this one moving from city to city, carnival to carnival?" I asked confused, Didn't that contradicted itself?

"Cursed object, maybe. Spirit attaches itself to something and the, uh, carnival carries it around with them." Dean said with a shrug.

Sam sighed, "Great. Paranormal scavenger hunt."

"Well, this case was your idea. By the way, why is that? You were awfully quick to jump on this job."

"So?

"It's just... not like you, that's all. I thought you were hell-bent for leather on the demon hunt.

"I don't know, I just think, this job, it's what Dad would have wanted us to do.

I let a low sigh escape my mouth, the brothers not hearing it. This was going to turn into a fight if these two didn't hash out there emotions.

"What Dad would have wanted?

"Yeah. So?

"Nothin'.

Tension filled the air once more. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath before moving so I was in between the Dean and Sam's seat.

"Hey guys?" Dean looked at me, while Sam muttered a 'yeah.'

"Can we get cotton candy while we're there?"

Dean smirked, "Cotton Candy?"

"Ohhh and funnel cake!"

Sam laughed, "I thought you were in training?" I frowned unhappily at him.

"Training?" Dean asked confused.

Ignoring Dean and answering Sam, "Yeah well training can be put off for some cotton candy and funnel cake"

"What training?" Dean asked glancing at Sam and I, I looked at Sam and we both laughed ignoring Dean.

Tension filled Silence was once again a thing of the past!

*~*~*~*

"Wake up!" Dean's voice from the front seat woke me up.

I yawn and opened my eyes from the backseat of the van giving into a quick stretch, "Are we there?" I mumbled sleepily trying to keep my eyes open.

"Nope," I heard the car door shut after Dean's voice, I frowned and kept my eyes shut. If they stopped at another place to eat I swea- "GET UP!" Dean yelled while he hit the window to the van two hard times -something that he wouldn't have dare to do to the Impala- causing me to jump up.

I looked out the window and saw that we were, well I'm not sure where we were. I got out of the van grumpily "What are we doing here?" my eyes squinting in the sun's bright light.

"Shooting"

I stopped in my tracks, "Uh, what?"

"You think I'd really let you come on this hunt with out making sure you really can shoot a gun?" Dean said looking at me as he put cans on a fence a few yards away.

"We don't have time for this" I said hasty, not really liking the idea of Dean being unsure of me. Not that I could blame him, I had changed quite a lot during my time with Logan some of it I didn't really want to rehash.

Sam who had be silent the whole time came to stand next to me, "The faster you get it done the better he'll feel" I sighed feeling trapped.

"Okay" I said quietly while I was fuming inside.

"What?!" Dean yelled from the fence. I rolled my eyes, "I said fine I'll do it. Give me a damn gun"

Dean smirked as he walked up to me handing me his gun, "Okay so this is-"

"I know Dean!" I cut him off rather rudely but I was sleepy and to be honest upset that he didn't believe me, and I felt guilty for being upset. He had a right to want to test me out before putting his life, or Sam's in danger.

I held the gun in my hands and thought back to one of my lessons with Logan.

_His body was pressed behind mine, his arms around me hands cupping my hands. He whispered into my ear, "Feel the energy of the gun" _

_I had to fight back my laughter, "Your joking right?""No." One word. One all too serious word let me know that it was in fact not a Joke, " Fine"_

_"Shut your eyes" _

_I shut my eyes. "Meditate"I went to my relaxed state, just like that in an instant my body fell to complete relaxation, complete awareness. _

_"Do you hear your surrounding, feel their energy. Find what your looking for. Keep your eyes closed…" _

_I did. I could feel Logan, not just his body but his aura his energy that was red and wild. I felt the gun in my hands, it was cold lifeless energy but energy none the less. _

_Casting my senses out I felt the target that was just a lifeless but less cold then the gun. It was hard to explain how everything had a different flavor, different vibrations and energies. Everything in this world was as different as fingerprints. _

_"Do you feel your target?" "Yes" "Bring your energy into your gun."_

_I pushed my energy into the gun, mixing of energies was difficult, it left a sour taste in your mouth. After all you were putting a part of yourself in it. It was intimate and frightening._

_"Will your gun not to miss." _

_"Now shoot!"_

_I shot._

_I shot again._

_Every time I shot I made it never once did I miss._

_It scared me._

_I hated it._

_It wasn't normal._

"Alex!" I snapped back to reality, "Sorry" I whispered.

"See she isn't ready." Dean said to Sam.

I sighed, "I am ready I was just in a daze" Oh boy that's was the wrong thing to say, I thought to myself as Dean clenched his jaw together. "Look, It wont happen again okay?"

"Your right it wont. She's not going, Sam we'll drive her back"

"WHAT?!" I shouted, "Your unbelievable Dean, you know that?"

He shook his head and started to walk away, So I did the one thing I could think of doing. I shot the gun hitting the cans one by one, never missing or hesitating.

"Wow" Sam said, his voice low an almost awed.

"I can shoot the damn gun. Are you happy" I said facing back to Dean who must have turned back around once the shots fired out. He cleared his throat, obviously expecting me to fail, "Uh, yeah?" I shook my head and walked back towards the van brushing past Dean on the way, "Wake me up when you boys actually want to go hunt something."

*~*~*~*

The ride to the carnival was short. Which only made me more mad at Dean. Would he really have drove me all the way back? Tension filled the van and for once I didn't try to fix it.

"Check it out. Five-oh." Dean said pulling into the almost deserted parking lot. We got out and walked forward, "I'll check it you guys stay here" Dean said as he walked away towards the cops. I sighed, "He's not controlling my ass" Sam chuckled, "He's just looking out for you Alex. This?-" He said point to me "This is new for him. You being here, it's hard for him. He's scared that you can get hurt and It'll be his fault"

Guilt hit me hard, "I know Sam. I just…" I just what? Wish that he would trust me? Wish that he wouldn't look at me like a burden or a mistake. "I know" He said softly leaning in towards me nudging me with his arm, "He'll see that. You just have to give him time Alex"

We walked more till stopped against a ride, we stood in silence. I noticed Sam posture changed, hands in pockets looking around sheepishly. I women who had to have been shorter then four feet walked past, but not being stopping and locking eyes with Sam. I had to keep from laughing. They way they were staring each other down.

"Did you get her number?" Dean asked as he approached, He must have seen them. I gave him a small smile almost in a peace offering. He nodded at me. I guess that's as good as I'll get, I thought with a sigh.

"More murders?" Sam said frowning.

"Two more last night. Apparently they were ripped to shreds. And they had a little boy with them-"

"Who fingered a clown."

Dean stopped walking and looked at Sam in an almost, 'Are you kidding me' look crossed with 'are you sure you can handle this' look.

"What?" Sam asked looking uncomfortable. Poor Sammy, I put my hand on his arm for comfort.

"Yeah, a clown, who apparently vanished into thin air."A killer clown who vanishes, isn't that just awesome! I thought sarcastically to myself.

"Dean, you know, looking for a cursed object is like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles. They could be anything."

"Well, it's bound to give off EMF, so we'll just have to scan everything."

"Oh, good, that's nice and... Inconspicuous." I rolled my eyes at Sam lack of enthusiasm.

Dean smiled and pointed to a sign that was just being put up, "I guess we'll just have to blend in."

"Great" Sam said making it sound anything but great. I smiled at them, "Well why you too go get a job. I'll be off looking for some balloons."

Sam frowned at me while Dean looked amused. Walking away I heard Sam say, "Balloons?" confused.

"Dude, you never saw IT," Dean laughed at his obvious mistake, "Of course not! Never mind, come on"

* * *

Anyways, YAY! One more chapter of 'Everyone Loves a Clown' done & Just one more too go! : )  
So anyone else notice how 'touchty' Sammy has been with Alex??  
Or how 'touchty' Alex has been with Sam? Hmmm. What do you think?

Review & Tell me what you think? : )

**&& Disclaimer;** The artical IS from cosmo online. I own nothing_._

**IMPORATNT: **Does anyone know how to do the links in the profile? Everytime i try it doens't work? If Someone could message me & let me know I'd appreicate it : )


	20. I mean, Really?

_"You have too see that the power is inside of you" He brushed the hair out of my eyes causing my heart to do a funny little jump._

_"I've never been powerful Logan," I turned and walked away, who was he trying to fool? "There's nothing about me that's powerful" I wish he would just see that so in the end he wouldn't be so disappointed._

He followed behind me grabbing my waist forcing me to face him, "Everything about you screams power, Alexandra don't you see that"

_I could see the truth in his eyes, that he honestly believed I was powerful. It was this intense look in his eyes that made me want to believe what he was saying, but I couldn' faster he realizes it the better._

With one hand still on my waist he used his free hand to play with the ends of my hair, "Your hair," His thumb brushed my cheek holding my gaze, "Your eyes," He pulled me closer my body resting against his, he smiled at me.

"What are you doing?" I whispered feeling my body react towards his.

"Even your voice," He lend his face in towards mine as I felt my heart speed up at his ever growing closeness. "Your smell, " Eyes shut He inhaled deeply "You smell amazing" He dipped his head lower; his lips hovering over mine, "Your lips," He brushed his lips against mine. It took everything I had not to take the kiss further, "Everything about you is powerful and dangerous. You just have to believe in that, believe in yourself and you could have anything you want."

He stepped back suddenly with a smirk on his face, "Now lets get back to work"

I didn't know whether I should scream in frustration or thank god that he pulled back, ether way I knew he wouldn't give up unless I believed in what he was saying, and honestly, I don't think my body can handle his methods.

Leaving Dean and Sam behind to fend for themselves I walked towards two people setting up a booth.

_Believe in yourself and you could have anything you wanted._

I put a pleasant smile on my face as I reached them. "Hi, I'm Alex" One seemed about fifty or so, the other in his mind twenties.

They turned around, the older one glared at me while the younger one smiled, "Well hello to you"

I kept the smile on my face though on the inside I felt icky, but flirting to save a life so its worth it. But really, In your dreams buddy, I thought. Not that he was overly bad looking, If you got rid of the greasy hair and put him in half decent clothes I 'm sure he'd be good looking.

"I'm working on the school paper, and we're doing an article about fairs and whether or not the booths are rigged"

The older guy snorted. "You have fun with this one Joe I'm gonna take a break" With a nodded too me he left leaving me with Joe.

"So the school paper?" He squinted at me. I knew instantly he was sizing me up wondering two words; Jail bait? I smiled sweetly at him.

"Last year and all. You think being 18 I'd be able to do more hard hitting stories" I shrugged but kept my smile. "But too tell you the truth, I don't think I mind it too much anymore"

"Is that so?" Gross.

"It is-" I bit my lip then lend in closer; yup he needs a shower, or you know, a few, "So maybe you can give me a little interview?" I kept my hand on his arm. "Show me the ins and outs of the business, All the behind the curtains stuff" He looked at me like I was something to eat, "I'd love to show you the ins and outs"

Ew.

I smiled. "I'd like that. A lot." I faked a glance down at his watch. "Oh crap what time is it?" I brought his arm up to my face and sighed. "Crap. I have to be home"

"Well what about our interview?" He truly sounded disappointed, I bit my lip again keeping his hand in mine.

"I'd come back tonight?" he smiled happily. "But…"

"But what?"

"But it my momma she said she didn't want me coming here with all those murders and whatnot, I know now I don't have to worry." I put my hand on his arm again and give him smile. "But there's no way she'd let me come here. Hell she don't even know I'm here now."

He smiled, "Well were does she think you are now?"

"At my friends house"

"You can always be at a friends later on too can't ya?" I faked a thoughtful expression on my face, "I guess…"

"I'll show you everything." He winked, "I promise. All of our dirty little secret"

I smiled, "I'd like that. I'll meet you here, around… lets say 6?"

*~*~*~

I walked away from Joe feeling, well disgusting. Rubbing my hands on my jeans hoping to get the ickyness off me. Sighing, I spotted Dean and Sam. I started walking towards them only to hear the end of a fight. Not again.

"Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted? You spent half your life doing exactly what he didn't want, Sam."

I walked faster wanting to get to them before someone -Dean- started throwing punches.

"Since he died, okay? Do you have a problem with that?" Or, maybe Sam would be the first one. "Naw, I don't have a problem at all."

"Guys" they both turned towards me jaws clenched.

"Did you find out anything?" Dean asked clearly upset that I interrupted them.

Well, to bad Dean, I'm not letting you and Sam have some macho show down on a job.

"No but that's why I made a date for tonight" Both boys stood there gaping at me. "

Uh, what?" Sam finally said confused.

Rolling my eyes and sighing dreadfully I told them about my encounter. "Well, I made a date with Joe tonight he'll show me the ins and outs," I cringed. "I figured while he's doing that I can check around…." I trailed off noticing there still 'confused' looks.

"Guys?"  
"No Way" Sam said shaking his head.  
"Not going to happen Alex" Dean said sternly with an unreadable expression.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Your not going on a date with some strange guy"  
"Someone who might be connected to the case" Sam put in.  
"How else are we going to get into their little group?"

Dean smiled, "Well your looking at the two newest members of Coopers Carnival"  
"You got the jobs?" My shoulders slumped. "I just made a date with a greasy haired loser and you got the jobs?"

Dean smirked, "You doubted us?"

"Yeah" Of course this will happen.

Sam laughing told me "Just stand him up."

"I can't just stand him up Sam, that's rude!"  
Chuckling, "And lying to him and going on this date to gather information isn't rude?" I shook my head, "No that was necessary."  
"Well now it's not. So it looks like you aren't going" Was it weird that I felt relieved yet… bad?

"So what do I tell him?"

The boys looked at each other and smiled, "Nothin'"

*~*~*~*

"What are you doing?" I asked trying my hardest not to laugh at Dean.

He glared at me with the broom in his hands. "I'm sweeping"

"I can see that." He gave me another threatening look before going back to sweeping. I tried my hardest not to laugh. "So uh, Dean?"

"Yeah?" He said looking at me squinting in the sunlight.

"You look good sweeping. If this whole hunter thing ever falls through, You know your true calling now"

"Ha Ha, Very funny Alex" He gave me another look before saying. "I thought we told you to stay in the car?"

"You did"  
"So you're here because?"  
"Would you believe it if I said I really wanted some funnel cake"  
He snorted. "Sure."

I gave him a smile, happy that we were actually talking. It felt good to be talking to him again. The tension that surrounded us before was smothering me. I was still upset over the 'mistake' he made kissing me. But I wasn't going to let it ruin my feeling for him. Dean Winchester meant a lot too me. I wasn't just going to sit back and let him walk away from my life with out a fight.

"And that red jacket?" I said pointing to what he was wearing while letting out a whistle, "So much hotter then the leather" I kept a straight face while saying it. "Your kidding right?" He said looking back and forth for himself to me. I shook my head, "Nope. I can't believe all these women aren't crawling after you. Not only are you lookin good, You are also sweeping! This is like every women's fantasy. A hot man that cleans" I couldn't help laughing at the look on his face.

"Funny Alex." He said starkly.

I was about to reply when I heard someone call my name, I frowned and turned around to see Joe walking towards me glaring at Dean.

Oh boy.

"Hi Joe," I smiled sweetly. He nodded at me, "What are you doing here it's not 6 yet"

"Oh I know, I was able to get here earlier." He nodded still looking at Dean, "Your new aren't you?" Dean smiled, "I am. Today's my first day" Was I the only one to think he said that a bit to enthusiastic?

"Well I'm Joe Cooper, my grandfather owns this place"

"Is that so?" They stood their glaring at each other.

I cleared my throat getting their attention, I gave Joe a smile ignoring Dean, "I didn't know your grandpa owns this place"

"He sure does. If you want, I can give you that tour now" He shot Dean another look. "I'd love too-" I turned to Dean and gave him my hand too shake "It was nice to meet you, uh.. Dean right?" His tight smile was forced, "Thanks for all your help. It's interesting to learn what you sweep up"

"I still have a lot I can tell you" He gave me a 'don't you dare go with that guy Alex' look. "I'm sure you do, but I' really should go with Joe now"

"Sure" Oh if that expression meant anything, I knew I was in TROUBLE! Big big big trouble. "Lets go Alex" Joe said taking my arm, he turned back to Dean. "You seem to have missed a few spots, you should really get back to work." I pulled Joe along with me before Dean could respond, the last thing we needed was him fighting with Joe. Who is interestingly enough the owners grandson.

Maybe this date wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

*~*~*~*

I was wrong.

So horribly wrong.

I hugged Sam as soon as I saw him, "God! You're my savior Samuel" If Sam hadn't called me and told me to met up with him and Dean I swear I was going to cry, or well, just run away very very fast.

Sam chuckled, "Do I even want to know?"I made a face, "Joe is a clown, and Not the one we're looking for ether." I shivered, "Did you ever have a clown try to grope you? It's disturbing to say the least." Yup you heard me right. Joe Cooper is a clown and not a booth attendant like I originally suspected. I nearly had a heart attack when Joe asked if he could by his trailer, it seemed though he could give me a 'tour' he had to be dressed in his uniform. I thought he just meant that nifty little red jacket. Oh, I was wrong.

He. Is. A. Flippin. CLOWN!

He asked me to honk his nose with the worst sexual innuendo ever. I really hate carnivals. Sam looked frightened for me, "You had a clown grope you?" I nodded and he shivered.

Not only that but his grandfather saw him grope me and glared at me evily like I was some hussy. Even though I backed off from his over the top clown grandson.

Ick.

"What took you so long?" Huh? I looked up and saw Sam talking to Dean and not me.

"Long story." He said looking at Sam and me. I snorted at him. "I bet not as long or creepy as mine"

Sam put his arm on my shoulder. "Its okay your safe from the clown"

Deans face harden. "The clown went after her?" I smiled. "Not the one we're after Dean, don't worry"He looked confused but that only lasted a moment until we heard a little girl.

"Mommy, look at the clown!"

We turned around to look to see where the girl was pointing, there was nothing there.

"what clown?" the mom asked the little girl looking at were she was pointing, not able to see anything she frowned. "Come on, sweetie." she took the little girls hand and walked away.

"Guess we know who's going to be next" I said as Dean and Sam shared a look.

*~*~*~

I was sitting in the backseat of van getting a cramp in my leg. I really wished the stupid clown would hurry up so we can kill it and move on.

"Dean, I cannot believe you told Papazian about the homicidal phantom clown."

"I told him an urban legend about a homicidal phantom clown, I never said it was real." Dean said while pulling out a gun, He cocks it just as Sam pushing Dean's hands down. "Keep that down!"

"Freakin' five year olds." I hiss to myself knowing that they can't hear me.

"Oh, and get this. I mentioned the Bunker Brother's Circus in '81 and their, uh, evil clown apocalypse? Guess what."

"What?"

"Before Mr. Cooper owned Cooper Carnival, he worked for Bunker Brothers. He was their lot manager."

"So you think whatever the spirit's attached to, Cooper just brought it with him?"

"Something like that. I can't believe we keep talking about clowns."

I snorted, "Guess being a clown runs in the family."

*~*~*~

"Is he asleep?" I asked sitting up from the backseat putting my head in between the two front seats peeking at look at Dean. I smiled at Sam. "How bad would it be if I tried to draw on his face?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you try it."

I thought for moment then frowned. It wasn't the time, I shrugged and sat back in my seat. It was weird how uncomfortable the van was. It was a whole lot bigger then the Impala yet not nearly as comfortable.

"I miss the Impala" I said sadly, not able to stop myself.

Sam turned around in the seat and gave me a funny look. "You miss the Impala?"

I nodded. "Its weird, its like.-" I frowned trying to think of how to word it with out sounding crazy. "Its You Dean and the Impala. It's the three of you"

"it's a car Alex"I rolled my eyes, "No it's the Impala"He groaned and put his head in his hands. "Not you too"I smiled. "Yeah me too. But if you tell Dean I swear I'll lie about it"

"I don't think he'll believe me anyways"

"Good" I said with a smile on my face.

Was it weird that even on a stake on, on what could be something deadly -okay something that IS deadly- I can still feel, well, happy… It's like the brothers always had this aura about them that made it so no matter how serious or heartbreaking things got, you felt.. Well you felt at home with them.

"The light just came on" I hissed, Sam looked and shook Dean awake. "Come on" He said, I was about to get out when Dean stopped me."Alex stay here in the car. We might need a fast get away"

I knew that wasn't the real reason for me staying behind but I kept my mouth shut letting them leave me behind. I sighed and got in the front seat.

"Stupid Dean and stupid stupid van" I put my head on the steering wheel letting my world vanish around me as I concentrated on Dean and Sam vibration as the walked towards the house. I felt out further reaching the little girl and the… I felt my stomach curl. Whatever It was wasn't a ghost. It was dark and black and ugly. 'please be safe' I thought over and waiting for the boys.

I soon as I heard the gun shot I snapped my head up and started the van noticing Dean and Sam running like chicken who got their head cut off towards the van.

Well at lest their alive.

*~*~*~*

"You really think they saw our plates?"

"I don't want to take the chance. Besides, I hate this friggin' thing anyway."

"Me too." I said in agreement taking my bag out of Sam's hand giving him an 'I'm a big girl I can carry my own bag' look. We started walking down the road Sam to my left and Dean to my right, and I realized just how much I truly do miss the Impala. If it was the Impala, Dean wouldn't just leave it on the side of the road no matter if someone saw the plates. Plus we'd have Dean's music to blast out any silence."Well, one thing's for sure." Dean said after a few moments of silence.

"What's that?"

"We're not dealing with a spirit. I mean, that rock salt hit something solid."

"Yeah, a person? Or maybe a creature that can make itself invisible?"

"Whatever it is it's badass and ugly" I said thinking about the way the thing felt. Dean gave me a weird look and continued to talk to Sam. "Yeah, and dresses up as a clown for kicks? You see anything in Dad's journal?"

"Nope." Sam pulled out his cell phone and opened it.

"Who are you calling?"

"Maybe Ellen or that guy Ash will know something. Hey, you think, uh, you think Dad and Ellen ever had a thing?" I paused for a second before I kept walking. I never really thought about John Winchesters Love life. I guess I always assumed from what I heard that Mary was his great love and there would never be anyone else.

"No way." Dean obviously thought the same thing.

"Then why didn't he tell us about her?"

There's a lot he never told you about I thought to myself. But kept my mouth shut, not wanting to walk on this unstable ground.

"I don't know, maybe they had some sort of falling out.

"Yeah. You ever notice Dad had a falling out with just about everybody?" Oh Sam, just let it go. I knew he wouldn't as soon as Dean just shrugs and nods not answering him. "Well, don't get all maudlin on me, man."

"What do you mean?"Dean said stopping and looking at Sam.

"I mean this 'strong silent' thing of yours, it's crap."

"Oh, god." Dean groaned and ran his hand over his face.

"I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man."

"You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to."

"Sam" I said quietly put my hand on his arm only for him to shrug it off.

"No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Dude, I'm okay. I'm okay, okay? I swear, the next person who asks me if I'm okay, I'm going to start throwing punches. These are your issues, quit dumping them on me!"I had to bite my tongue hard not ask, 'are you okay'.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just think it's really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It's like, oh, what would Dad want me to do? Sam, you spent your entire life slugging it out with that man. I mean, hell, you, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him. And now that he's dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I'm sorry Sam, but you can't, it's too little, too late."I stood there gaping at Dean.

"Why are you saying this to me?" I could hear the emotion in Sam's voice and I felt my own eyes began to get a little watery.

"Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this. I'm dealing with Dad's death! Are you?" His face was hard like it was the whole time he kicked Sam down with his words.

They stood there and had another famous Winchester stare down.

"I'm going to call Ellen." Sam said finally breaking eye contract, Sending one last glance at Dean he walked away already dialing his phone.

I turned to Dean, "No Alex. Don't you start."

"What?"

"You know what." I shook my head.

"The only thing I know Dean, is that you and your brother are both hurting and neither one of you is making it easier on the other. I know that right about now you would rather not feel a damn thing so your pretending you can't cause you're damn scared that once you start letting your emotions out they wont ever stop"

"Yeah and how would you know that?" His voice was still hard.

"Because that's what I did. God it's what I'm still doing" I walked closer to him lowering my voice, "I try not to think about my parents death or about some demon in my friends body walking around like its nothing' cause I'm scared that once I give in to those emotions, I know I'm going to be a wreck. I know that I'll be letting whoever is responsible win because I'll do nothing but obsessive over it, obsessive over getting revenge." I took a deep breath

"I get that ignoring this, his death and everything that his death brought about is easier then dealing with it, It gives you more time to try and make sense of a bunch of nonsense but honestly Dean, it'll never going to make sense. You can sit and analyze everything that happen but no matter what It'll always hurt." I put my hand on his chest above his heart. "That pain right here-" I tapped my hand on his chest "will always be there, sometimes it'll just be a dull ache, other times it'll be pounding so hard it knocks you too your knees, but your lucky Dean, you have your brother there for you. Who will always be there for you, so don't push him away or you'll regret it. Trust me." I moved away from him.

"And what about you Alex? Who did you have there for you" I gave him a small smile, "I had two of the greatest guys there are at my beck and call. Even if one is an emotional dud and the other is too emotional for his own good"

I turned away when Dean called out "Have," turning back I looked at him confused, "You said had. But you still have us." My smile grew bigger even though Dean still had his 'hard' face on.

"Rakshasa." Sam voice interrupted me from saying anything more too Dean.

"What's that?"

"Ellen's best guess. It's a race of ancient Hindu creatures, they appear in human form, they feed on human flesh, they can make themselves invisible, and they cannot enter a home without first being invited."

"So they dress up like clowns, and the children invite them in. "

"Yeah."

"Why don't they just munch on the kids?"

"No idea. Not enough meat on the bones, maybe?"

"What else'd you find out?"

"Well, apparently, Rakshasas live in squalor. They sleep on a bed of dead insects."

"Nice."

I felt myself wanting to throw up. I mean really? If getting groped by joe the clown wasn't enough now I have to deal with bugs?! Really?

"Yeah, and they have to feed a few times every twenty or thirty years. Slow metabolism, I guess."

"Well, that makes sense. I mean, the Carnival today, the Bunker Brothers' in '81"

"Right. Probably more before that."

"Hey Sam, who do we know that worked both shows?"

"Cooper?"

"Cooper."

Please not Cooper. That would mean not only did I get groped by a clown but an evil one at that.

"You know, that picture of his father, that looked just like him."

"You think maybe it was him?"

"Well, who knows how old he is?"

"Ellen say how to kill him?"

"Legend goes, a dagger made of pure brass."

"I think I know where to get one of those."

"Well, before we go stabbing things into Cooper, we're going to want to make damn sure it's him."

"Oh, you're such a stickler for details, Sammy. All right, I'll round up the blade, you too go check if Cooper's got bedbugs.

This was going to be a long night, I thought to myself as we walked the rest of the way in silence.

*~*~*~*

Sam and I imminently went to Coopers trailer, I stood look out while he picked the lock on the door. "Hurry it up Sam" I said impatiently, I wasn't sure why but I was getting really creepy feelings. I was just waiting for Joe to pop out in his clown customs and try to grope me again.

"I'm in. Lets go" He said quietly not even a moment after my complaint. I shut the door quietly and walked with Sam towards Coopers bed, I bit my lip and handed him the knife. "you can cut the bed"

Sam smiled. "Your afraid of dead bugs?"

All bugs really, but no reason to lie. "Um, yeah?!" He chuckled and put the knife to the mattress.

"Do you hear that?" I asked trying to tell myself it was just my nerves. "Hear what?" I shut my eyes and listened. What was that? I thought to myself knowing I heard something, I shut my eyes and listened trying to find an answer.

Then it happened, My heart stopped. I saw it in my mind eye clear as day; Cooper walking towards his trailer noticing a shadow on the wall, grabbing his gun he walks slowly towards his trailer throws up the door and finds us.

"Alex?" I felt Sam grab on to my arms and shake me.

I snapped out of it and blinked a few times to realize what just happened. I had a vision of some

"Sam?" I don't know how that happened, but it did and it meant only one thing Cooper was coming into his trailer. Think fast I told myself. I looked at Sam and took a leap of faith.

"Sorry Sammy, but just go with me here okay?"  
"Wha-" He couldn't even get a word out before I jumped him Knocking him down on the bed.

I straddled him as my lips met his in a hungry fusion, tasting every inch of his mouth as if it was water I so desperately needed. His body was still for a moment obviously confused and surprised by my sudden, eh, turn of events.

Then as if something inside of him clicked on his hands grabbed my waist pulling me closer to his body before his hand moved to my head and deepened the kiss.

My body arched into his as a small moan escape, an incoherent thoughts formed.

Ohholymotherofahhhh. I'm kissing Sam. I'm kissing Sam A lot. And he's kissing me back. Oh god. I really… Ohhh. I really… gotta…Ohhh… Stop… jumping him…. OhhecknoIdon't.

I thought as soon as I felt one of his hands go under my shirt, his thumb touching right below my bellybutton moving in small circular motions.

**CLICK**"What do you think you're doing?"

I pulled back and looked at Cooper "Uh…"

Sam got off the bed holding me too him so I didn't fall of his lap, "Sorry sir. Uh.. I was just"

"I know what you were just boy, I aint stupid" He shook his head and put his gun down and glared at me. "AND YOU!"

Oh boy.

"What are you? Some Nymphomaniac who has the hots for carnies?" I felt my face go a billion different colors of red.

"Out! I WANT YOU OUT!" he said pointing to me, then turning back to Sam. "I think its best if you and your brother don't come back to work!"

Me and Sam took off running out of the trailer leaving a fuming Mr. Cooper behind.

* * *

gahhhh. I know i said only one more chapter of 'everyone loves a clown' but it was getting really long. So i stopped it there. I promise now though, Only ONE more chapter left. Hehe.


	21. The Blind Guy Did It

A few seconds later Sam and I ran into a running Dean. "Hey! Hey. So, Cooper thinks we're-" I cut Sam off not knowing what he'd say. "A bunch of Peeping Toms, but it's not him," I felt Sam cast me a sideways glance. I kept my eyes straight ahead on Dean.

"Yeah, so I gathered. It's the blind guy, he's here somewhere."

I felt myself frown at that revelation. I mean, It was the blind guy, really?

"Well, did you get the -"

"The brass blades? No, it's been one of those days." I frowned trying to get a read Dean's face wondering what he meant by 'it's been one of those days' but his face didn't give me a clue to what was going on in that head of his.

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment before saying. "I got an idea. Come on." He nodded his head in the direction of the funhouse before running towards it.

I couldn't help but get a little nervous about going in there. I don't know why, but there is something about a ton of mirrors that just sort of freaks a girl out.

A loud boom caused me still for a half a second before realizing a door had closed between Sam Dean, and I.

"This is so not good" I muttered to myself while I struggled to try to open the door.

"ALEX!" I heard Dean and Sam call.

"Guys! It wont open!" I tried really hard not to stomp my feet and pout like a child.

"Alex can you hear me?" Sam called through the shut door, you could hear the panic in his voice. "Yeah," I called back keeping my voice strong.

"Find the maze okay?" "Yeah, Okay." I called back to him. Why was I acting like such a child, I basically pleaded with them for me to go with and now that I am, and I get separated from them. I act like a child.

Great. Just great.

As I was about to turn around I heard Dean call out my name, I paused. "Yeah?""Be careful." I felt a smile tug at my lips. Lips that where just kissing his brother. But lets not think about that.

"Always," I wasn't sure, but I'm pretty positive I heard him snort.

As I walked down the narrow halls I couldn't help but think that the neon colors on the walls only added to my stupid fear of the funhouse. I kept reminding myself that I was a strong girl who didn't need the brothers protection. No matter how much I wanted it.

I heard Dean and Sam up ahead and instantly felt relief. I started walking faster only to stop when two knives being thrown by an invisible source. I heard Dean yell and my heart started to beat faster.

"DEAN!" I shouted trying to locate them. The wall of mirrors making it harder for me to navigate myself to them.

"ALEX" I heard the panic and fear in Dean voice as he yelled. I spun around, fear gripping my heart. It was as if everything slowed down yet happened to fast to realize. The light hit the metal of the knife as it flew through the air past Sam who dodged it swiftly only to make a bee line straight for me. I couldn't move or think as fear took hold of me. I threw my hand in a defensive motion and screamed. "Stop!"

The knife point touched my palm but held its self in mid air before tossing itself to the ground.

_Holymotherfuc- _

I looked up and noticed that nether of the brothers had noticed. Not that they should, both were in different hallways.

_I just freakin' stopped a knife. I just freakin' stopped the knife with my, my what, Hand, Mind? Oh god_"Sam, behind you! Behind you!" Dean's voice grabbed my out of my attention I hurried my pace. Until I finally stumbled upon them.

"Dean, where is it?" I shouted while on the look out for any more flying knives.

They were both standing in front of a pipe organ, I let out a sigh of relief. "Finally," I muttered getting Dean's attention. He gave a small nod but I could see In his eyes that he was relived. He walked towards me. "You okay?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine Dean," Turning my attention to "So where is it?" I asked them.

He pointed down and I saw nothing but bloodied clothes and pipe.

"I hate funhouses," Dean said looking at the only thing left of the creature. Which happened to be bloodied clown clothes and a pipe. "Ditto." I said, not getting a responsive from Dean or Sam.

*~*~*

I had my head resting against the cool bar top. My thoughts kept going around in circles wondering what the hell happened the night before.

I stopped the knife with my mind and I attacked Sam with my mouth only moments before that.

I tried to think of ways to bring it up. The knife stopping thing, not the jumping Sam thing. But Sam, the same guy sitting right next to me making it painfully obviously he would rather be somewhere else if all his leg bouncing finger tapping was any indication. So I doubted just saying 'oh yeah, hey, by the way I stopped a knife with my mind' would be a good opener.

After stealing a car out of the parking lot, which Dean appointed Sam to do the driving. He sat in the back only to fall asleep moments later. It brought the silence between me and Sam even more tense.

"_Sam…" "Alex, its fine." _

The ride all the way back to the Roadhouse was just as quiet. And it really started to bother me that Sam hadn't said anything. I could expects this from Dean, but Sam? All he gives me is an 'Alex, It's fine' I mean, damn it. I didn't need him to be avoiding me, even more so now that I need to talk to him.

"Alex?"

"Huh?" I looked up too see Sam, Dean and Ellen staring at me.

"What can I get you honey?" Her voice showed her obvious concern for me.

I sighed wishing I could tell her a clue too what the hell was going on, that that would be nice. Though, I don't think she would be able to help me in that department. "A soda would be fine, thanks" I said giving her small smile only to put my head right back down. I could feel the brothers eyes on me and it only made me feel worse.

I snorted to myself not caring if they heard.

It wasn't a kiss, really. I jumped him. I jumped him and I truly liked it. My body reacted to him like magnets attracting each other. Something in him called to me nearly making it impossible for me to stay away. And I couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with, well, with his power.

And for the life of me, I couldn't get his taste out of my mouth and it was driving me crazy. Honestly I knew I had to get myself under control around him before all hell breaks loose.

And the fact that I was getting upset with myself wasn't helping ether. I stopped a freakin' knife with my mind last night and the only thing that I seem to be obsessing about is that kiss attack.

I heard Ellen put the beers and soda on the bar in front of us, I looked up at her. "Thanks Ellen"

She smiled back at me before turning her attention to the boys. "You boys did a hell of a job. Your dad would be proud."

"Thanks." Sam said to in a way that I knew he really meant it.

Both of John's boys wanted one thing in their life; their father being proud of them.

I couldn't help but sneak a glance at Dean wondering if he was about to snap at her for that comment. Even if it was a nice one, it still brought up their dad. Something that wasn't really a safe conversation with him these days. But he just looked away and ignored it.

Ellen walked away with a nod leaving me Sam and Dean all sitting there sipping our drinks in silence. An awkward silence for me, but I'm sure an okay silence for them, seeing as how their the ones doing it.I saw Jo sitting down on the other side of Dean out of the corner of my eye, I turned to look at her. She gave Sam and me a pointed look that clearly said 'get out of here so I can make eyes at this sexy guy' which Dean seemed to be oblivious too.

"Oh yeah, um, I've gotta… uh, I gotta go. Over there. Right now" Sam said picking up his beer leaving me there. Jo shot me another look, and I truly thought about giving her a screw you look but thought better of it.

Maybe she could make Dean feel better. It was pretty clear where I stood with Dean as well as where he stood with Barbie over here.

I sighed and noticed Sam near the pool table. I could always.. Nope. Not going to talk to him if he doesn't want to talk to me.

"Give me some quarters Dean," Finally getting his attention he gave me a look. "Excuse me?" I rolled my eyes and held out my hand. "I need some music. Can I please have some quarters?"

Before he had a chance to answer Jo put quarters in my hand. "Here you go." she smile sweetly at me while giving me another look that said 'now scram' so I got up leaving my drink and walked over to the jukebox hoping they didn't start making out or something. I don't think my stomach could handle that.

'White Rabbit' by Jefferson Airplane caught my eye, so I hit F10 only to get the shock of my life when a different song started to play.

_Does he love me, I wanna know! _

_How can I tell if he loves me so?_

_Is it in his eyes? oh no you'll be deceived _

_Is it in his eyes?oh no he'll make believe _

_If you wanna know, if he loves you so _

_It's in his kiss That's where it is._

I jumped back from the jukebox blushing like crazy I heard Sam cough on his beer which made me blush ever more.

"I didn't- I mean. This isn't the song I wanted," I sputtered out in a near shout feeling embarrassed. Dean looked at me like I lost my mind. Jo glanced at me with an amused expression on her face. "Relax, this happened all the time. Its an old Jukebox."

I looked up at Sam who had an unreadable expression on his face.

Great, just flipping great.

"Yeah well you should think about getting a new one," I huffed feeling my eyes sting with that familiar feeling. Jo opened her mouth to respond only to be cut off by Ash entering from the back door. "Where you guys been? Been waitin' for ya"

"We were working a job, Ash." Ash gave Sam a pointed look "Clowns." Sam told him putting his pool stick down.

"Clowns? What the f-"

"You got something for us, Ash?" Dean asked, his tone as sharp as his glare.

I walked over to where Ash sat his laptop down. I couldn't help but smile at the look of the thing. Wires were exposed giving it the look that it was run over a few times. It was almost impossible to think the thing even turned on let alone worked.

"Did you find the demon?" Sam said coming over standing behind me looking over my shoulder.

"It's nowhere around. At least, nowhere I can find. But if this fugly bastard raises his head, I'll know. I mean, I'm on it like Divine on dog dookie."

Dean raised his eyebrow at Ash and shook his head clearly unable to believe that he was letting this guy help him.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"I mean, any of those signs or omens appear, anywhere in the world. My rig will go off like a fire alarm."

Dean reached for the laptop "Do you mind-" the look Ash gave him caused him to stop "Yeah," Dean moved his hand back. "Hey, what's up Man" Ash said still glaring at Dean for even thinking about touching his laptop.

"Ash, where did you learn to do all this?" Sam asked truly curious and a bit amazed. "M.I.T. Before I got bounced for... Fighting." He said the last word proudly. I hide to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at the expression on Sam's face. "M.I.T?" he asked clearly in disbelief that Ash went there.

"It's a school in Boston." he told Sam nonchalantly.

I was trying so hard not to laugh at their expression. Finally Dean took a sip of his beer before saying. "Okay. You give us a call as soon as you know something?"

"Si, si, compadre." Ash turned and looked at me as Dean and Sam left me there. "And if you need anything…" He gave me a wink. I smiled at him. "Thank Ash" He shook his head and picked up Dean forgotten beer. "Anytime. Really… Anytime. It would be my pleasure," I laughed and gave him another smile.

"Alex. Come on!" Dean called from the door. I got up an gave another smile to Ellen and a nod to Jo. "I'll see you around Ash," I said with a wink.

We walked out of the Roadhouse and Dean shook his head with a grin on his face before turning too me. "You know he thinks he has a chance now, right?"

I laughed. "I think…he thought he had a chance even before that Dean," He snorted at me "Yeah well, now he really thinks he does."

I couldn't help but notice the whole time Dean and I had the exchange Sam kept looking straight ahead.

I sighed getting into the stolen car making myself comfortable in the backseat knowing this was going to be a long drive.

*~*~*~

I looked up from the book and saw Sam at the bottom of the porch steps. "Sam?" He looked up and I saw unshed tears in his eyes. Instinct took over and walked across the porch and down the steps.

Forgetting all about the awkwardness that had been surrounding us the past few days. He was hurting, and I couldn't let him hurt alone.

I put my arms around his body and my head on his chest. "It's going to be okay Sam," I felt his arms wrap around me, bringer me closer to him. "No it's not. I lost my dad and I'm losing Dean now…" I pulled back from him and looking into his eyes. "Sam you aren't losing your brother."

As if fate was trying to contradicted me, loud sounds of metal on metal were heard. Sam shut his eyes. "I should-" I shook my head and pulled him closer to me. "Sam, he needs this."

"Needs what Alex, the destruction of Bobbies property?""We're in a junkyard, I don't think he'll notice. Besides, Deans always had to get his emotions out through aggression."

"If he doesn't deal with this-" I pulled back from him again. "He will deal with it Sam. You have to give him a chance,""I have-" I cut him off. "No you haven't. You waited a week before you started to attack him."

His jaw locked and looked down at me with angry eyes. "That's not fair." I sighed and moved farther away from him. "The truth is hardly ever fair."

I didn't want us to fight, and I knew I was walking on rocky ground but I moved on anyways. "Sam when Jessica-" The look on his face when I said her name nearly stopped me from continuing. "-Died how long was it till you finally talked to Dean about it? How long till you dealt with it?"

"That's not the same thing." "Isn't Sam? Up until the past year your father is all that Dean had." He shook his head. "No, that's not true. He had me!"

"No he didn't Sam. I may not have been there but I heard enough from both of you too see your life was at Stanford and you weren't ever planning on coming back, so tell me Sam where did you hunter brother fit in?" The look on his face nearly broke my heart. "Sam, I don't want to fight with you. But I'm not going to baby you ether."

"I need to get some air," He told me, I frowned confused. "Sam your already outside." He nodded at me and headed up the steps. "Yeah well I need the air inside right now." I looked away from him not wanting him to see the tears that started to gather in my eyes.

"Do me a favor Alex., go check on Dean. His well being is obviously important to you" The screen door slammed shut causing me to jump. I took a few deep breaths before walking back up the steps and grabbing the bag next to the chair I was sitting in, before making my way toward Dean. I hated the fact that I hurt Sam but I hated even more the fact that I didn't even think to lie to him to save his feelings. It was scaring me, the little changes in my personality that I've been noticing.

"Hey," I saw Dean stiffen at my voice and something that sounded a lot like a sarcastic 'great' was muttered out of his mouth. Way to make a girl feel welcomed I thought as I walked closer to the Impala.

I stopped when I noticed the new dents that hadn't been there hours before. I raised my eyebrow at Dean who was staring at me with a not to friendly look on his face. "Is there something you needed Alex?"

"I went out to town earlier with Bobby," He gave me a blank look. "Well, did you know that man loves yard sales?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Is there a reason behind this Alex?" I walked the few feet toward him and dropped the bag on the ground looking in his eyes. "I'll let you get back to work Dean." I turned around and tried to tell myself that he wasn't mad at me, he was just mad in general. That I shouldn't take it to personally.

"Alex" I stopped and turned around. I saw him holding a cassette in his hand he had a small smile on his face. "AC/DC?" It was my turn to shrug my shoulders. "there's a whole bunch. I don't know what you like or not… but they were pretty cheap." He nodded and looked up at me, he opened his mouth like he was about to say something only to shut it before nodding again.

It was a moment of silence before he finally spoke, "You mind helping me out here?" I bit my lip nervously. "You want me to help you? With the Impala?" He rolled his eyes, "I want you to hand me the tools." I smiled at him. "I can do that!" I said an walked over to were he was kneeling and sat down next to the tool box.

He shook his head and smiled before going back under the car. "Alright, I need the wrench." He said, I picked it up and smiled before putting it back in the toolbox and picking up another tool, the tool that I handed to him. Two seconds later he slid out from under the car with a disbelieving look on his face. "What's this?"

"A wrench," I said trying to keep a straight face. He blinked slowly before saying. "This. is. a. screw. driver."

My mouth made an 'O' shape. He dropped the screw driver into the toolbox and ran his hand threw his hair. "Alright it's time you learn about tools Alex."

I rolled my eyes at him and smiled. "Sure thing Dean"

For the next hour Dean sat there going through the tool box showing me what each thing was. During that time I made him laugh four times, and each time it happened a bit more of the old Dean came back. I knew I still had a long ways to go, but I was find with waiting.

* * *

Gah, i'm sorry! Not only is this update way beyon being late... I'm not happy with it, at all. *sigh* It seems as if my Muse left me hangin' with the end of this episode. BUT! don't fear, Bloodlust is coming up soon! She seems to like the idea of Vampires!! *shakes head*

Also, Sometime in the near future I'll be posting Twist of fate Outtakes. Which will be, Oneshots/longshots/drabbles of just Alex & the boys & her an Bobby. Just random things, that happen that don't really have anything to do with the story. :) So watch out for it!!


	22. No sparkly vampires here

"Hey Bobby," I said walking in from outside, sending the old hunter a smile. I had been outback helping Dean with his 'tools' which left me dirty and sweaty.

The impala was almost done, and with every moment that passed Dean was getting more anxious to get his 'baby' back and on the road and on to the next hunt. Nothing like throwing yourself into your work to forget your pain.

"You busy kiddo?" Bobby asked book in hand. I smiled, "Nope, what's up?" Over the past few weeks Bobby and I had made a sort of friendship. One, where kiddo seemed to replace my name entirely.

First, I thought it was because he kept forgetting my name, but I soon realized it was because I was a 'kiddo' in his eyes. Plus, it was way better then idjit, which he called Dean and Sam almost once every other day.

"You know that 'silver eyes' thing you were asking about?" My heart stopped before starting up again going faster then it should. Had he found something? And if he did, what would it be? "Yeah." I finally managed to say. "Well, I've been thinkin'," He gave me a long considering look before continuing, "I think I might know someone who could help you."

"Bobby I don't-"

"I know it ain't somethin' you'd want to be talkin' to a stranger about. Hell, you ain't even talked to me about it" He looked at me with curious eyes, before letting out a sigh and continuing. "I bet you haven't even talked to the boys." He didn't wait for my response he just kept going "This person could really help you out if you let em','"

He shrugged his shoulders, putting the book he was holding down on the table. "That is if they even hear you out. Their sorta a hermit. Don't like the looks of people, hell' if it was anyone else but you, I wouldn't even bring em' up. But I know those boys care about you, they consider you a good person. I trust their judgment, so if you need help with somethin' I'll try to help you the best I can. And I really think this person could help you given the chance,"

"This person… they could be trusted?"

"They can. That is if you could even find em'. Hell of a guy. He's a genius, pretty eccentric. If you ask me he needs to lighten up a bit. But he isn't one to sit around like a sitting duck. "

"How can I get a hold of him?" I asked, taking the bait. Bobby looked up at me with indifferent eyes, "That's just it. You don't. He gets a hold of you."

----

_I've been looking at the sky, 'Cause it's gettin' me high. Forget the hearse 'cause I never die _

_I got nine lives, Cat's eyes. Abusin' every one of them and running wild; 'Cause I'm back _

_Yes, I'm back. Well, I'm back. Yes, I'm back. Well, I'm back, back. (Well) I'm back in black _

"Whoo! Listen to her purr! Have you ever heard anything so sweet?" Even from the backseat I could hear the smile in Deans voice. I shook my head keeping myself from laughing. "You know, if you two want to get a room, just let me know, Dean." Sam said, obviously I wasn't the only one holding back laughter at the situation.

"Oh, don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand us." Dean said lovingly too his car. "Wow." I muttered from the backseat, trying to get that image outta my head.

"You're in a good mood." Sam said, you could hear the shock in his voice. I let their voices fill the car, a small smile placed on my face. I made myself comfortable in the backseat, sliding my sunglasses off my head on over my eyes.

I was back with the boys, and nothing was going to change that. Ever.

-----

Fiddling with the paper Bobby had given me, seemed to be the only thing I had done in the past few hours. Sam and Dean had gone to talk to the sheriff and the morgue leaving me behind at the motel.

I didn't complain, after all I had phone calls to make, that is. But, it seemed as if I couldn't grow enough courage to actually call.

It was just a little paper that held the contact info for Mensa International. Bobby had explain to me that after calling this number, I would have to ask for 'Project Orion' only then I would get another number. Bobby had told me this number changes on a daily basis, that sometimes they wouldn't even give it out.

After getting this number I would then call it, give a number ID for one T.J. Orion, which would get me in a mailbox were I could leave a message for him. If, after hearing my message he may or may not call me back.

It seemed like a lot of work for someone who _may _know about people with 'silver eyes.' Here goes nothing, I thought to myself picking up my phone.

----

I sat on the bed watching bad tv, sending nervous glances to my phone. I knew what Bobby had said, That he might not call, or even if he did call it might take awhile. But still, I guess after calling I put a certain amount of faith in this guy having the answers. The door opening caused me to jump.

Dean gave me a look, "We're heading to the town bar. You coming?"

I sent another glance at my phone. If he called while I was with the boys… I looked up at Dean again only to look behind him seeing no one. I sighed softly, frowning. "Where's Sam?"

"Waiting in the car." I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'll come." I said getting off the bed. I might be able to make things right with Sam. And I couldn't do that sitting in the motel waiting for a call all day.

----

"How's it going?" I was aware of Dean talking to the bartender, but I didn't necessarily pay attention to that. I had this overwhelming sensation of being watched as soon as we entered the bar and it took over my body with this cold prickly sensation. "Living the dream. What can I get for you?"

"Two beers and a coke, please." I moved closer to Dean, the antsy feeling increasing.

"So, we're looking for some people." Sam started as soon as he was back with our drinks. "Sure. Hard to be lonely." He sent a look in my direction, smiling. "But I'm sure your little lady here can help you out with that."

I felt Dean tense next to me. I put my hand on his arm and gave it a little squeeze hoping he wouldn't do anything rash.

Sam spoke up. "Yeah. But um, that's not what I meant," He put a fifty on the bar keeping his eyes on the bartender the whole time. The Bartender gave the money a quick look before taking it. "Right. So, these people, they would have moved here about six months ago, probably pretty rowdy, like to drink…"

Dean chimed in, "Yeah, real night owls, you know? Sleep all day, party all night."

"Barker farm got leased out a couple months ago. Real winners. They've been in here a lot - drinkers. Noisy. I've had to 86 them once or twice." The bartender said with a shrug,

"Thanks." Dean took a sip of his beer, with a nod of his head we were walking out of the bar. If I had thought leaving would make the feeling go away I was mistaken. "Guys," I started but Dean sent me a look that made me think he knew someone or something was watching us.

I followed their lead down the alley, hoping they knew what they were doing. All my sense were on edge making me antsy. It was weird how I was feeling scared but not for my self, rather for the boys. I had this strong urge to protective them, to make whoever was following us leave them alone.

Whoever was stalking us, I knew lost sight of us. Knowing we only had close to twenty seconds before he left his blind spot. We took off quietly, hiding in the dark. Dean had ended up going with me, I wasn't sure where Sam had went.

"Stay here," Dean hissed in my ear, eyes still on the guy who was now in the alley we had just been. I was about to tell him 'no way', but Sam and him had already quietly gotten out of their hiding spot, already on their way to attack this guy.

Everything in my gut my screaming at me to follow, that this guy would hurt them. "Damn it." I muttered, picking myself up so I could get closer.

It was instant, the way I saw Dean and Sam pinning the guy to the wall, a knife to his throat. Dean and Sam talking to him in hushed tones. But, when the guy tried to break free I felt something snap inside of me, pulling me towards them in an almost Amazon warrior way.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw my hand that held the knife in an offensive hold, as if I was ready to attack with out question -which I was-. But, what really made me completely stop was the fact that my hands seemed to be glowing an almost soft translucent silver light.

"What the-"

As soon as I saw it, it disappeared, almost as if it had never been there. I looked up to see if anyone other then me had noticed it. They didn't. I swallowed hard trying calming myself. Wondering If I was going crazy, or if maybe, just maybe I really was glowing?

"Great, just great. That's all I need" I muttered to myself before once again leaving my hiding spot. It was dangerous going into whatever fight Dean and Sam had gotten into while my mind was else where, but… I didn't seem to want to think about that fact.

I arrived in time to hear the man talk, "Now. Who the hell are you?"

With a swift movement, I moved myself under the railing that separated the small alley way and parking lot that we had been hiding in, leaving me dangerously close to the three men. "We should be asking you that." My voice was hard and threatening. Something that I never before spoke like, Something that from the apparent surprised look on the brothers faces they never heard it either.

"Gordon Walker"

----

We walked towards Gordon's car, a light drizzle hitting the pavement. I stayed my Sam's side, not quite trusting the man who called himself a hunter.

"Sam and Dean Winchester. I can't believe it. You know I met your old man once? Hell of a guy. Great hunter. I heard he passed. I'm sorry. It's big shoes. But from what I hear you guys fill 'em. Great trackers, good in a tight spot -" Even though his voice was light and friendly, I stiffen at the thought that he new about the boys.

"You seem to know a lot about our family." Dean said, his voice still hard.

"Word travels fast. You know how hunters talk." Gordon said it causally, as if it was something that everyone knew.

"No, we don't, actually." I looked over at Dean, hoping that this talk wouldn't push him further away from us.

"I guess there's a lot your dad never told you, huh?" He looked over at me, "There was talk going around that John Winchester boy's were traveling around with a civilian…" He squinted at me, "Doesn't really look like a civilian too me." I didn't react to his words, I stood there staring at him.

I only looked away when Sam cleared his throat noticing the awkward tension between Gordon an I, "So, um, so those two vampires, they were yours, huh?"

"Yep. Been here two weeks."

"Did you check out that Barker farm?"

"It's a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone."

"Where's the nest, then?"

"I've got this one covered. Look, don't get me wrong. It's a real pleasure meetin' you all. But I've been on this thing over a year. I killed a fang back in Austin, tracked the nest all the way up here. I'll finish it."

"We could help."

"Thanks, but uh, I'm kind of a go-it-alone type of guy."

"Come on, man, I've been itching for a hunt." I looked over at Dean, noticing that Sam did the same. I caught Sam's eye and frowned, Was this hunt that important to Dean that he would basically work with some stranger on it?

"Sorry. But hey, I hear there's a Chupacabra two states over. You go ahead and knock yourselves out.-" Gordon gave us a smile before getting into his car, "It was real good meeting you, though. I'll buy you a drink on the flip side."

"Lets go," Dean said walking back towards the bar, "We're leaving?" Sam looked at me and frowned, "No, we're following him."

Great, just great.

-----

I wasn't sure what had happened, Dean and Sam both insisted on me staying in the car while they tailed Gordon. All I knew is when they came out, Dean had a lot of blood on his hands, and face. And Sam kept sending him glances that made me wonder what had caused all that blood.

The waitress put down a round of shots, she hadn't even asked for my ID. Not that I wanted to drink, truthfully, I didn't want to do anything but put a lot of distance between Gordon and the boys.

"No, no, I got it." Gordon said when he saw Dean take money out,

"Come on." Dean said to Gordon who just shook his head, "I insist." Turning to the waitress, "Thank you, sweetie-" gag me with a spoon. Gordon turned towards us, raising his shot glass. "Another one bites the dust."

"That's right" Dean said smiling lifting his shot glass up to Gordon. Sam and I sat back watching. I wasn't sure what Sam was feeling, but I could tell by the look on his face it wasn't anything good. I personally was just worried about this new buddy buddy attitude that Dean was showing towards Gordon, who scared the shit out of me.

"Dean.-" He laughed, " You gave that big-ass fang one hell of a haircut, my friend."

"Thank you." Dean said smiling at Gordon, a smile that I had been trying my hardest to get out of him since John's death. "That was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful." Gordon said with a smile of his own.

"Yep-" Looking over finally noticing the sour look on Sam's face, "You all right, Sammy?"

"I'm fine." his answers was short but hard, letting Dean know he was anything but fine.

"Well, lighten up a little, Sammy." Gordon said, causing me to want to smack him. Couldn't he just shut up? I wondered to myself.

"He's the only one who gets to call me that." I was about to say that I call you that too, but I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut. Plus, I figured Sam just really hated Gordon saying that.

"Okay. No offense meant. Just celebrating a little. Job well done." You could tell by Gordon's voice that he was a bit taken back.

Good, I thought.

"Right. Well, decapitations aren't my idea of a good time, I guess." I looked over at Dean as Sam said this and saw a brief flash of something, maybe… anger?

"Oh, come one, man, it's not like it was human. You've gotta have a little more fun with your job."

"See? That's what I've been trying to tell him. You could learn a thing or two from this guy." Dean said, smiling once again. I had to keep myself from snorting at that idea.

"Yeah, I bet I could. Look, I'm not gonna bring you guys down. I'm just gonna go back to the motel."

"You sure?" Dean said, once again anger and frustration taking over his face.

"Yeah."

"Sammy? Remind me to beat that buzzkill out of you later, all right?" Dean said tossing Sam the keys. Sam caught them with one hand, and with out another look was heading towards the door.

I couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"You're an ass Dean." I sent him a glare before standing up, "Sam wait, I'm coming with." Dean caught my hand, I glared down at him tapping my foot impatiently. He sighed and let go off my hand. "Make sure he doesn't get a scratch on my baby." I shook my head and walked out the bar.

----

I walked into the motel room behind Sam, shrugging out of my jacket, watching him as he put the keys on the table. I could see by the way his face was scrunched up he was upset with Dean. Not that I blamed him, Dean was acting… scary. But I felt as though I should make it better, make it peaceful. "Dean is just-"

"Great, here we go again." Sam said as he ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh. I frowned at him. "What's that mean?"

"It means once again your making excuses for him. Cause' as always Dean does no wrong in your book." I felt my mouth open in shock, as he stood there watching me with hard eyes.

"Sam, you know that isn't true." It wasn't, was it? Eyebrow raised he looked at me with a frown on his face. "Sam," I tried again but he interrupted me. "I need to call Ellen." He said ignoring me, taking out his cell phone as he sat on the bed.

If that wasn't a sign that the conversation was over, I don't know what is.

I let out a small sigh before going into the bathroom. I shut the door, leaning back against it wishing that for once things could be simple with these boys.

I walked towards the sink, pulling my hair into a sloppy bun before getting my toothbrush out to brush my teeth.

I mean, Sam and Dean were yin and yang so it was impossible to always be on both of their sides. So I tried my tried my hardest to stand in the middle and not take sides, or take both sides. It wasn't two faced or cowardly, it was just… me. I hated hurting ether of them, and most of the times they were both right in their own way. So who was I to say they aren't?

"Sam?" I said walking out from the bathroom. He looked up, cell phone in hand. "Yeah?" I walked closer to him. "I'm sorry," Before he could say anything I continued talking. "I'm sorry if it seems like I only stick up for Dean, or if I'm always taking his side. I just…I hate when you guys fight. So I try to fix it…for both of you, when I know I shouldn't. But I do, and I'll probably always will when it comes to you both."

He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair. "It's fine. I understand, you care about us both. So you'll take both of our sides in fights." He paused, "Why do I feel like there is a big 'but' on the end of that sentence?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "Cause there is. Look, I get it. You want to make things between us good…better. But its not going to work."

"Why?"

"Because of that kiss. It messed everything up between us Alex."

"The kiss?" I was confused to say the least.

"I can't stop thinking about it. Which is stupid because-"

Before I knew what I was doing I was in front of him on the tips of my toes, arms around his neck as my lips met his in a small kiss. I smiled against his lips before pulling back. "Nothing about that was stupid Sam."

He looked down at me his lips in a tight line, as if he was deciding something. Finally closing his eyes and the distance between us, his head dipped down and met my lips.

Even though I had just kissed him, I was surprised when I felt his lips gently touched mine.

My eyes shut and I instantly deepened the kiss, not getting enough of his taste that had been lingering in my mind. I felt his arm wrap around my waist, drawing me closer to him.

Standing on the tips of my toes again, I wrapped my arms around his neck, my body not getting close enough to his.

I felt him slip his hand to my hips, gently touching the skin beneath my shirt. "Sam," His name came out like a moan and before I knew what was happening his hands grabbed my hips and he was pulling me up, my legs went around his waist. Our mouths moving together in a hungry notion of longing and lust.

In our moment, Sam somehow step backwards. His knees hitting the edge of the bed causing him hold on to me tighter as he fell to the bed.

We stopped kissing long enough to see that we were in fact now on the bed. Upping the stakes in what we were doing.

I didn't care.

I straddled his waist knowing my lips were probably red and puffy from kissing. Knowing that my heart was beating faster then what was humanly possible. I couldn't help it. There was something there, something in him that called to me.

I leaned in and kissed him gently at first, testing the waters. I stopped and looked into his eyes, a small part of me was hoping I wouldn't feel anything. But I did. I felt more then I had in a long time. And it scared me to death.

His brown eyes had said the same. I gave him a small smile, kissing the corners of his mouth. He turned his head capturing my lips with his.

I could feel his hands moving under my shirt, making my already heated skin even more heated.

I broke off from the kiss, needing air. His mouth went to my throat, causing a small moan to escape. I could feel the way his body reacted to mine. The heat of his skin, the strain that his jeans were going through. All of it did nothing but enticed me to continue, to act further, to go further. Whatever moral attentions I had were long gone.

My hands went to his shoulders, before I slowly moved them down feeling his biceps in the processes.

I love the feel of his arms, they gave me a sense of protection that I never had before. It felt as if his arms were around me I would always be safe, always have a place to go from the worlds darkness.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt, with a slight tug I pulled it up needing to touch, see, kiss the skin beneath it. "Wait…wait wait wait" He said pulling me off of him gently, putting me on the bed before standing up.

I looked up into his eye confused. "I…" He paused looking away, "We can't do this Alex."

"I think we were just doing it Sam." He sighed rubbing his hands on his face, still not meeting my eyes. "I'm not ready."

If what I felt on my leg was any indication he was ready. I was about to point that out when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh." My voice was soft, confused.

"Alex-"

"No. I get it." I cleared my throat and got off of the bed feeling very foolish and even more so rejected. Which was silly, I knew Sam wasn't rejecting me. Didn't I?

I straighten my clothes before turning away from Sam. I had to get out of there, out of that room.

"She was the last person I was with." his voice was soft, broken. With my back to him I closed my eyes.

I felt horrible and sick feeling these waves of spite towards a dead girl.

"It's okay Sam." I said softly, "Alex-" I turned around and gave him a smile trying to focus so I wouldn't cry. "I'm just going to go out for a walk. If you guys need me, call me, okay?" My voice sounded way to high and peppy.

I didn't wait for an answer, I turned and walked out the door cell phone in hand.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, tears were falling. I felt so stupid thinking that Sam would want me, that we could… I had no idea what we could 'be' but I just thought we could be something.

It seemed like a common thing, me getting rejected by the Winchester brothers.

My phone going off interrupted my pity party. "Hello?"

"Alexandra?" I stopped walking. "Is this Alexandra?" I realized I hadn't said anything. "Yeah. Um, sorry. I mean, yes."

Silence.

"My name is T.J I heard you're in the need of some help."

"I do I-"

"It'll cost you." I frowned wondering why Bobby hadn't said anything about money. "I'm sorry but Bobby-"

"I helped Robert out because he saved my life. You have done no such thing."

"So how much are we talking?" I asked after a moment. "A Hundred"

"No problem, a hundred-" he cut me off. "A hundred thousand." I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "Are you still there?" the voice asked, I sighed shutting my eyes. "Yeah."

"Is it possible for you to get that amount?" I bit the inside of my cheek. "If you need, I can contact you again in a week."

I looked around the darkened street, "I only need twenty four hours." I hung up with out saying anything else.

----

"No, nothings going on between them…" I caught the end of the sentence when I walked threw the door. Dean paused giving me a look, then looking behind me. "Is Sam with you?" I frowned, "No, I left him here."

"Where you been?" he asked me as Gordon eyed me suspiciously, I was about to answer when the door opened, only this time Sam walked in. "Where you been?" Dean asked for the second time that night, in only a two minute period.

"Can I talk to you two alone?" Sam asked, looking at Dean and avoiding my gaze. I sighed feeling once again rejected. Dean sighed standing up, "You mind chillin' out for a couple minutes?" he asked Gordon who just shook his head and went back to his beer as the three of us made our way out of the motel.

"Dean, maybe we've got to rethink this hunt." Was the first thing that Sam said to Dean and my surprise, when we walked a ways from the motel.

"What are you talking about? Where were you?"

"In the nest." I wouldn't be surprised if my mouth gaped opened, "What?" I should have been with him, I shouldn't have walked out on him over some stupid embarrassment.

"You found it?" Dean asked ignoring my out burst, Sam gave me a small look before turning back to Dean. "They found me, man."

Dean paused, looking surprised and shocked. "How'd you get out? How many did you kill?" Sam shook his head, "None." He said simply, "Well Sam, they didn't just let you go." Dean said sarcastically, looking a bit annoyed. "That's exactly what they did." He told us.

"All right, well, where is it?"

"I was blindfolded, I don't know."

"Well, you've got to know something." Of course he did, he was Sam, but with the look on his face it was obvious he didn't really want to share what he knew. After a slight pause he answered Dean, knowing that if he didn't it would only anger his brother more. "We went over that bridge outside of town, but Dean, listen. Maybe we shouldn't go after them."

"Why not?"

"I don't think they're like other vampires. I don't think they're killing people."

"You're joking. Then how do they stay alive? Or undead, or whatever the hell they are."

"The cattle mutilations. They said they live off of animal blood."

"And you believed them?"

"Look at me, Dean. They let me go without a scratch."

"Wait, so you're saying…" He paused and shook his head, "No, man, no way. I don't know why they let you go. I don't really care. We find 'em, we waste 'em."

"Why?"

"What part of 'vampires' don't you understand, Sam? If it's supernatural, we kill it, end of story. That's our job."

I froze at Dean's words. Did he truly believe that? If so, didn't that just confirm everything that Logan had ever said to me. I looked away not able to look at ether brother. More so, how could he say this after what he father told him? I tried to hide every emotion from my face.

"No, Dean, that is not our job. Our job is hunting evil. And if these things aren't killing people, they're not evil!" Am I evil? I wondered. Would Sam change his mind once he finds out who I am? Would I change my mind once I find out who I am?

"Of course they're killing people, that's what they do. They're all the same, Sam. They're not human, okay? We have to exterminate every last one of them."

I felt the acid rise in my stomach as I listen to them go back and forth, still frozen, not able to speak.

"No, Dean, I don't think so, all right? Not this time."

"Gordon's been on those vamps for a year, man, he knows."

"Gordon?"

"Yes."

"You're taking his word for it?"

"That's right."

"Ellen says he's bad news."

"You called Ellen?" Sam didn't say anything just gave nodded his head, "And I'm supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam, no thanks, I'll go with Gordon."

"Right, 'cause Gordon's such an old friend. You don't think I can see what this is?"

Finally, getting a grip I opened my mouth. "Guys!" They ignored me, "What are you talking about?" I tried again, this time shooting Sam a glare, "Guys, stop."

Sam not noticing or even caring kept on going, "He's a substitute for Dad, isn't he? A poor one."

"Shut up, Sam." The look on Dean's face would have stopped any other man. "He's not even close, Dean. Not on his best day." "Sam" I hissed, watching the rapid change of emotion that was displaying on Dean's face. "You know what? I'm not even going to talk about this." His eyes were hard and cold, finally landing on something that he was all to familiar with the past weeks.

"You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory. "

"Okay." Dean said, turning away before coming back punching Sam hard in the face. "DEAN!" I shouted rushing to Sam's side.

Sam glanced down at me before turning back to his brother, "You hit me all you want. It won't change anything."

"I'm going to that nest. You don't want to tell me where it is, fine. I'll find it myself." Dean turned and walked away from us, I frowned. "Dean?" My voice was pleading but I doubt he cared.

"Come on," Sam said tugging on my arm following after Dean, I sighed wishing that for just once there wasn't anything pulling the boys apart.

If this wasn't another reason for me to hate- "Gordon?" Dean's voice finished my thought, I looked up to see that the motel was empty.

"You think he went after them? Sam asked frowning, "Probably." Dean said shortly.

"Dean, we have to stop him."

"Really, Sam? Because I say we lend a hand."

"Just give me the benefit of the doubt, would you? You owe me that."

"Yeah, we'll see. I'll drive. Give me the keys." Sam pointed towards the table that Dean and Gordon had just been sitting only minutes before.

"He snaked the keys." Dean said, I wanted to laugh and tell him that's what he gets for trusting that ass-hat, but I didn't.

"Damn it." He sighed rubbing the back of his neck before turning towards me, "Alex, stay here."

I looked up eyebrow raised, I wanted to fight, but truthfully, I had other things I needed to take care of. So I just sighed, "Be safe."

"Always am," I couldn't help but snort.

----

It seemed as if I always ended up pacing the motel room when I was with the boys, or more so, with out the boys.

I knew they were safe, well, relatively safe. I also knew that Sam was going to be coming through the door in three minutes. But that still didn't ease the pacing that I seemed to be unable to stop doing.

It should make things easier, knowing things, being able to sense things about the boys. But it didn't, I still couldn't help but worry. Which really sucked if you ask me.

My eyes snapped to the door as soon as Sam opened it, "Ready?" He asked anxiously, I gave a nod.

He called me, saying that he got the vampires out of town. That he was passing by the motel, and that I had to be ready with the bags.

So now as I sat in a stolen car with Sam by my side I was feeling slightly anxious. "Sam-" I started, he glanced over at me and I stopped, noticing the blood on his shirt. "He cut you?" I asked, my voice hard. He glanced down at his arm in question, "It's fine." I clenched my jaw, "Just fine" I muttered looking out the window.

---

We walked in, the first thing I noticed was the marks all over Dean, "Did I miss anything?"

"Nah, not much. Lenore get out okay?"

"Yeah. All of them did."

"Then I guess our work here is done. How you doin', Gordy? Gotta tinkle yet?-" Gordon did nothing but look at Dean with detest, "All right. Well, get comfy. We'll call someone in two or three days, have them come out, untie you." Dean Jammed the knife, that I was assuming was Gordon's in the table behind him.

"Ready to go, Dean?"

"Not yet. I guess this is goodbye. Well, it's been real." Dean gave a small smile before knocking Gordon to the floor, "Okay. I'm good now. We can go."

I couldn't help but smile.

We walked out of the farmhouse with out saying a word, until Dean turned to Sam "Sam? Clock me one."

"What?" Sam looked at Dean like he was crazy, which was probably the same look I was giving him. "Come on. I won't even hit you back. Let's go."

"Your crazy." I said, simply stunned. Dean rolled his eyes at me, "Come on" "No." Sam said, I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Let's go, you can get a freebie. Hit me, come on." I shook my head smiling at them, "You look like you just went twelve rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I'll take a rain check." before Dean had a chance to say anything I butted in, "I'll hit you." I said seriously. Dean looked over at me smirking, "You can't even hit."

I rolled my eyes as we started walking to the car then paused, "Crap, can you guys hold on?" I said moving away from the car and back towards the house.

Dean frowned at me. "What are you doing?" I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "I have to pee Dean." Dean snorted and moved away from the Impala, it was my turn to frown. "What are you doing?" I asked him. "I'm coming with you." I laughed, "Your joking right?"

"Alex, there is a psycho in there."

"Who you knocked unconscious Dean, I'll be fine. And you know I have a shy bladder I wont be able to pee knowing you outside the door listening." I gave him a small smiled and continued my case, "Jeez Dean, It's not like I'm running off with a trucker named Ted, I'm just peeing." He frowned at me. "Fine, but if he so much as moves Alex You better start screaming your butt off." Chuckling, "Will do," I called out to him with a small smile on my face as I walked back into the house.

I shut the door before looking through the peep hole making sure Dean was in fact in the car and not ready to walk into the house. He wasn't in the car though, but leaning against it watching the house, I knew I had to make it quick.

I walked into the dinning room and took Gordon's knife from where Dean had left it. I walked around the table and crouched down next to Gordon. I put the tip of the knife blade on his cheek, as I tilted my head to the side and looked at him. "Wakey, wakey Gordon." His eyes fluttered opened, he let out a long sigh as he took in my appearance.

"I'm glad you could wake up and join me Gordy-" I paused giving him time to say something but he didn't, he played the silent card like he had with Dean. "You see Gordon, those two guys out there who you just tried to kill, well, they sorta mean a lot to me. And I really hate it when people try to hurt them."

He stayed silent so I pressed the knifes tip into his cheek drawling blood. He flinched, I smiled. "When you come after us, cause lets be honest that's just who you are-" I rolled my eyes and smiled, "I'll be waiting, and I'll make what you tried to do tonight to Lenore look like childs play."

I pressed the knife harder causing more blood to seep out of his cheek, "If you want a game of cat and mouse I should warn you, I will catch you. And I will kill you." I stood up and walked towards the door before calling out with a smile on my face, "See you on the flip side"

* * *

Hehe. **_Disclaimer _**Trucker Ted isn't mine. He is owned by the amazing _elm treigh, _who happens to be my co-writter & cake froster for Stay with me a little longer! She is also the author of _'Of the light'_ And amazing epic story, that I suggest you go read after you review! :D

One more thing, I have now added _'Twist of Fate Outtakes'_ So, why don't you all go on & check it out, I can't promise that I'll update it daily, but.. ;)


	23. Going Somewhere?

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, shocked an slightly angered by his words. I knew what happened with Andy Gallagher had upset Sam, but for him to- I shook my head glaring at him.

Sam who was sitting across from me on the other bed, looked up, a permanent frown on his face, opening his mouth to answer but was interpreted by the door opening.

Dean; not noticing the tension walked right in and plopped down on the bed I was sitting on. "I'm thinking we should get something to eat before leaving." I shot a glance at Sam then quickly stood up, "Actually, You guys go ahead I have something to do," I stepped over Sam's legs and made a hasty walk towards the door.

"You have stuff to do?" Dean asked sitting up looking at me suspiciously. "Yeah, well, you know. Some girl stuff." I gave Dean a slight smile, "If you want to join me. I'm sure I can use your personal knowledge in getting tampons."

Dean's face paled a few shades whiter, his mouth gaped opened. "That's just wrong."

I smiled sweetly in his direction, "Yeah, well, you asked for it. I'll be back later." I sent Sam one last glare before walking out the door.

----

The park was empty.

Well, if you even wanted to call it a park. It was more like an open field with one swing set and slide, both were pretty rundown.

I didn't think anyone would disturb me, so I sat down on the ground and mentally kicked myself for getting grass stains on my jeans. I was already nervous and anxious and nothing that I was about to do was going to help the situation.

"Just take a few deep breaths," I told myself, willing myself to relax.

I opened the door to my mind, something that was dangerous but necessary if I wanted to talk to him.

One of the first rules I ever learned was; Opening your mind with out the necessary precautions, it was opening up your body for possession. It was dangerous- but I had to take the risk.

Listen to nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat, the sound of waves filled my ears. I felt myself leave my body, searching for him, calling out to him.

_Logan. _

I saw him in my minds eye, sitting at a bar drinking. He looked… terrible.

_Logan; I whisphered to him, calling for him._

His head snapped up before taking a look around the bar, an angry look crossed his face and he shook his head.

_Go away;_

I was mentally shoved back, a door slammed in my face. "That mother fuck-" I was cut off by the sound of my cell phone, I didn't have to look to know who was calling.

"What's your problem?" I snapped, "You know that hurt like a bitch," I rubbed my temple with my free hand.

"Sorry," Logan said dryly, "it was rude of me to not let you spy on me."

"I wasn't spying you asshat, I was trying to talk to you."

"If you needed to talk you could have called."

"It seems as if someone got their number changed," I said bitterly, I hated that I had to get a hold of him that way.

He laughed, "Right," I heard him take a chug of the beer he was drinking, "Sorry I didn't think to let you know. I just thought with you walking out on me that meant you didn't need my number anymore."

As much as I hated Logan for lying to me, for god knows what else he had kept from me, but something wasn't right with him. His voice, his appearance? All of it was off. "Logan," I paused my voice going soft "are you okay?" I couldn't help but worry and wonder what made him this upset.

"I'm peachy, fucking peachy."

"What happened?"

"Cut the act Alexandra," I heard the distinctive sound of a car door opening and shutting then the blast of rob zombie, I rolled my eyes. "You don't give a shit about me. So why don't you tell me the real reason behind this intrusion of privacy so I can go back to getting drunk."

"Logan-"

"You need something, now tell me what."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you," I sat on the swing, "Look. Just because I'm not in the Logan fan club doesn't mean-" He cut me off, "Doesn't mean what? That you don't care about me? You used me Alexandra. Hell, I let you use me. I needed you to use me," He laughed harshly, "But look at were that has gotten me? Nothing but a bulls eye on my back."

The hair on the back of my neck stood up, "Someone's after you?"

"Look, just tell me what you want."

I sighed, knowing I couldn't force him to tell me what was wrong.

"A hundred thousand dollars?" I asked innocently.

There was a paused on the other end, before finally the sound of him laughing. "I'm sorry," he paused, taking a deep breathe before laughing again, "Did I just hear a hundred thousands dollars?"

"Yeah?" I mumbled, not liking being laughed at.

"Goodbye, Alex."

"Wait! what?!"

"I said, goodbye Alex."

"Your not going to help me?"

"You want me to help you?" He asked like it was the most ridicules question ever.

"Yes!" I was on the verge to say 'that's why I called you, you idiot.' but I didn't think that would help my case any.

"Like you helped me?" he asked sarcastically.

I didn't say anything because there was nothing to say, I knew he was right. I didn't help him when he asked me too. Sam and Dean needed me, was I wrong for picking them? No, I know I wasn't wrong for picking them.

"Lo-"

"Here's some advise Alexandra, whatever you need this money for? Not worth it.""But-" "No it's not. Not when you can get it another way."

"Huh?" to say I was confused was putting it mildly.

"Alexandra you have a shit load of power at your beck and call, even more now that you cast our little calling spell.-"

How did he- "How do you know I did it?"

He laughed, "Who doesn't know? It's big news in our world. Now that your out so to speak, you can guarantee that a lot of people can feel it." I didn't have time to say anything before he was speaking again. "Now its time for me to go and get drunk, take my advise, you don't need money to get what you want." he didn't give me a chance to reply.

Damn it.

I sat on the swing, going back forth fuming. I tried calling the number he called from back, but it wouldn't go through.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!

I shut my eyes, the pain in my temple only getting worse.

Logan, you stupid jerk. I thought, rubbing my temple, I growled inwardly, how much could I royal screw everything up?

I tried to do what was right. I had to go to the boys- I had to leave Logan. He didn't have to lie to me. Whatever the reason is, he didn't have to.

An overwhelming feeling of needing to strangle him took over me, and before I knew it a blinding light appeared in my eyes and fell backwards, my body hitting the cold ground...

----

"WHAT THE F-"

I landed on something soft and leathery. My eyes snapped opened and my heart both stopped and raced at the same moment. However unlikely or impossible it seemed, it did. I looked over and saw Logan trying to get control over the car, a car that was dangerously spinning out of control.

A car that I was now sitting in.

"Oh god, oh god." Panic began to build, I shut my eyes, tears leaking from the corners. What the hell just happened, maybe I'm dreaming; I thought. I opened my eyes, yup still here. I saw Logan, his hands white knuckled on the steering wheel.

"Hold on!" Logan growled.

"LOGAN!" I screamed, seeing a eighteen wheeler coming straight at us.

He took his hands off the wheel, "Give me your hand!"

What! Is he crazy? "LOGAN!"

"Trust me," he said calmly, though his eyes where screaming for me to trust him.

I gave him my hand.

----

We we're sitting on the side of the road- which wasn't really a road more like a desert. My heart felt like it was in my throat, my body felt tingly and I had this giant urge to scream or cry or maybe do a bit of both.

We we're saved; I had no idea how. One minute our lives were about to end in a spiraling clash of metal and the next we weren't. We were just sitting there in the stopped car far away from the road.

"What the fu-"

Logan's laughter stopped me. I turned to him bugged eyed and pissed. "LOGAN!" I hissed, nothing about this was funny but here he was laughing like he just heard a really funny joke.

He turned towards me still laughing. He put his hands in the air like he was innocent.

"God! You jerk!" I yelled, before getting out of the car.

I heard his car door open and shut but I kept walking- no idea where I was going but; I just couldn't be there.

"Where are you going?"

"Away" I yelled back, "Away from you. Away from your stupid laughing."

He laughed louder, "Alexandra, come back."

"No."

"You know you're going to come back." I could almost hear the roll of his eyes when he said that.

Well, I'll show you. I thought, then stopped and looked around at my surrounding. Everything was brown. Very brown and dusty and desert-ish I turned around and glared at Logan. "Where am I?"

He smiled, that cocky smile of his and he lifted the hood of his car, "Arizona."

"Arizona?" I repeated. "How the hell did I get to Arizona?" I asked in a very bitchy voice, my hands on my hips.

He looked up and shrugged, before stripping off his shirt. "LOGAN!" he glanced up, "What?"

"Why are you getting naked." Sure it was hot out, but come on now.

He smirked, "Unless you want me to burn my hand," he said nodding to the car that I just noticed seemed to be steaming.

"Oh." I walked back towards the car. "Is it bad?" I asked. He didn't answer just shrugged his shoulders.

I tapped my foot, "So-" I said prissily. He looked up, eyebrow raised.

"Why am I here?"

He snorted, "Why don't you tell me,"

"Oh come on, Why did you bring me here Logan." I asked him. He stood up, I tried not to notice the sweat on his bare chest or the grease. I gave him my best glare to let him now that he wasn't getting to me.

"I," he pointed to himself like he was talking to a child, "Didn't bring you anywhere. I want nothing to do with you."

"Well then how did I get here?" I snapped.

"I don't know Alexandra. What did you do?"

"Nothing! I was just sitting on that stupid swing, pissed at you for hanging up on me-" I glared at him, "Which was real mature by the way." he looked like he wanted to hold back a smile, I kept on ranting. "then I just had this urge to kill you. Then all I know is I'm falling off the damn swing and into your car!"

"huh." he said, shutting the hood of the car.

Huh, was all he had to say, well 'huh' my ass.

"Logan!" he ignored me, throwing his shirt on the hood of the car. "What do you want me to say Alexandra? I have no answers."

"Well, you could at lest try to pretend to know what's going on here."

He smiled, "You get mad when I lie to you."

I grunted throwing my hands up in the air.

"Well, whatever. I need to get back! Tell me how the hell I can do that before the brother freak out."

He frowned, "We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

"No, we wouldn't."

He rolled his eyes and walked closer to me, my breath hitched. He looked into my eyes, I could feel his sense reaching out towards me, almost as if he was touching with me out touch.

He shook his hand and laughed, throwing his phone at me, "Call them."

"And say what?"

"And- Tell them where to find your body," at my shocked looked he continued. "You astral projected yourself here Alexandra. Your body, is probably still on the ground near that swing your talking about."

I looked at him confused by his words. "Um…" I kept blinking as if that was going to clear the fog out of my head.

He gave me another look, "I'm right here?" I said, "when you astral project aren't you suppose to be all ghost like? I was definitely not ghost"

He rolled his eyes, "You're astral projection can interact with people, you can touch thing, feel things. You can basically go to the untrained eye as a person. You can even have sex like youre a person," he winked at me.

"I am a person." I grumbled ignoring his sex comment, he grinned. "Your astral projection of your person."

I didn't say anything, I was to confused and pissed too.

Logan finally broke the silence. "Call your two boyfriends, you need a body to get back to."

"Okay...what do I say?" I asked a bit harshly, "Hey guys I'm not in my body. But I need you to look after it for me."

"Just tell them to hurry up and get to the park- that you need them. It's an emergency."

"I can't" I protested, "that'll freak them out."

"Well they should be freaked out Alexandra. If you haven't noticed you're not in your body. You body is laying somewhere unconscious and unoccupied. You have no choice"

I sighed, held out my hand for his phone. He tossed it to me, I barely caught it. "What do I say about calling from your number?"

"Block it." He said shrugging.

I blocked the number before dialing Dean's, I waited four rings before he answered. His voice was rough and grumpy, "Hello?"

"Dean?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"Alex?" his voice went from grumpy to confused, "why are you calling from a blocked number?"

"I-" I looked at Logan who was gesturing with his hands for me to hurry up. "Dean- I don't have time," I rushed, "I need you and Sam to go to the park right at the edge of town right now."

"Why? Are you okay?" he asked, nervously now.

"Dean what's going on?" I heard Sam's panicked voice in the background. "Dean, just do it. Please, I need you." I hung up before he could say another word.

I threw the phone back to Logan, "So what do I do now?"

He smiled, "Lets go get you you're hundred grand."

"What?" I asked, "No Logan. We have to get me back inside my body."

He shrugged his shoulder, crossing his arms over his chest. "okay, then go back."

I stomped my foot, "I don't know how!"

He smiled, "And what makes you think I do know how."

"LOGAN!" I yelled, he chuckled, "Okay, okay. You want to know how?"

"YES!"

"Tap your feet together three times-"

"LOGAN!" I screamed, my face going red. He smiled at me and shook his head, "What makes you think I'd help you get back"

I opened my mouth, but he didn't let me say anything. "I'm selfish right? I'm an ass hole and I don't care about you or what happens to you right?" I gaped at him, "That's what you really think. Even though with that, you still decided to come to me. So tell me Alexandra, Why would a guy like me help you?"

I frowned, and shook my head. "I don't know." I whispered.

He laughed with out humor, "Get in the car," he shook his head as if he couldn't believe himself, "You owe me Alexandra. I'll get you back, but you have to come with me first."

----

I paced around the motel Logan checked us into. I was dying to call Dean again and make sure they found my 'body' but Logan told me if I called him, I'd only have lots of explaining to do. So I paced, back and forth for over an hour.

Logan told me he'd be right back when he left, which was an hour ago. And I'm not sure, but and hour isn't 'be right back' in my book.

I stopped and glared at the ugly green lamp on the end table, almost as if it was the reason I was here.

"I hate you-" I growled, feeling my every emotion in my body a hundred times stronger.

Logan had explain that on the way here, after asking me if I couldn't really tell that anything was different about me. And when I centered myself, I could feel it. I didn't feel so heavy, I felt lighter, as if the only thing that was holding me here on earth was a tiny string that I could break easily enough if wanted too.

He told me when I astral project, I'm basically leaving my 'human shell' and that my powers (good and bad) are more haywire because I'm not grounded.

So it shouldn't have really been a big surprise when I was glaring at the lamp, telling it how much I hate it, it blew up.

I probably shouldn't have screamed, but I did.

If you ever wanted to know if you're astral projection of yourself could cry? The answer is yes.

----

"What's this for?" I asked, eyeing the silver brief case.

Logan didn't say anything, just locked the door behind him before walking towards the bed and setting the briefcase on it.

"Open it." he said, I frowned and hesitated. He sighed tiredly, running his hands through his hair. "Just open it Alexandra."

I opened it.

I looked up. "What?!" I looked back down, "How did you-" I went to reach for the money, Logan shut the case.

"Hey!"

He looked at me amused, "Open it again."

I raised my eyebrow at him, but did what he asked. I opened the case; it didn't have money anymore. Just white pieces of paper that same size as money.

"But-" I frowned, looking at Logan. "I don't get it." I finally said. He smiled at me, "Of course you don't."

I stood there silent for a minute. There was a lot of comments I wanted to make to Logan, but I didn't. I don't know why, but being there with him. Seeing him, sorta made me miss him. And I was sorry in some ways that I had left him, I was sorry he wouldn't tell me the truth. I was sorry I couldn't have him and the brothers in my life at the same time. I was sorry I was always a bitch to him, but- I just couldn't pick him over them.

Finally he spoke, "What happened to the lamp?"

I frowned, not wanting to talk about it. "I don't know it just sorta blew up."

He laughed, "sorta blew up, huh?" he shook his head and continued. "Put it back together."

"Huh?" I said, putting my hands on my hips. "you have got to be kidding me. I am not gluing that piece of crap lamp back together Logan."

He smiled, "Not with glue Alexandra. With your mind."

"I don't-" He shook his head cutting me off, "Now." his voice was hard, giving no room for argument.

"Fine" I muttered walking towards the debris on the floor.

I stood over it, glancing back at Logan. "Use what you already know."

What I already knew. I thought, was hardly anything.

"Concentrate." I rolled my eyes at him, but did what I was told.

"Do you feel it," I felt him stand behind me, his hands sliding down my arms, he was hovering closer then I wanted him too. He was making it hard to breath, hard to think.

"Feel it?" he breathed against my ear.

I was about to tell him to move, but then I felt it.

It was weird, how in the moment I just felt it. I don't know how to explain it other then I felt every molecule in the motel room. Every one leaving behind a different- fingerprint I guess you could call it. I could feel every single one of the broken piece laying on the floor, some pieces where even under the bed. And I could feel them, almost as if they were a part of me.

"Move them," his hands held on to mine, "Will them to together again Alexandra."

My hands became warm and tingly, I wasn't sure if it was from his touch or from what I was doing as I willed them to be complete again. I could see it in my mind, every piece of the ugly green lamp moving towards each other fusing together again; becoming whole.

"You did it." he stepped back, my eyes opened instantly, and there the lamp was sitting on the floor, once again whole.

"Wow."

----

"So I still don't get the money turned into paper?" I said an hour later, Logan walking out of the bathroom steaming following him. He smiled, throwing the towel on the bed leaving him in only his boxers I looked away. "Do you always have to be naked?" I asked, he laughed. "Does my nakedness bother you?"

"No." I said quickly, trying not to blush.

"Alexandra, look at me." I looked at him and caught my breath. He was standing there, his hair wet, dripping on his shoulders. He brushed his finger down my cheek, his face serious. "You don't have to be ashamed for wanting me."

I swallowed hard, "I don't?" I whispered breathlessly.

He smiled, "No, you don't." I moved closer to him, my hands going on his bare chest. "Logan-" I brought my face closer to his, my eyes gazing into his. I bit my bottom lip, "I want-"

"It's okay Alexandra," he said softly, shutting his eyes, leaning closer to me.

"I want-" my lips almost on his, close enough I could feel the warmth of them on mine.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice low.

I smiled, pushing him backwards causing him to stumble, "You to get dressed. So you can show me what the deal is with this briefcase,"

He glared at me then just as suddenly he shook his head, his face relaxing before he laughed. "Alright. You're lessons in fifteen." He walked back into the bathroom, clothes in hand.

I let out the sigh I was unknowingly holding, falling back on the bed.

----

"I can't do it!" I said, getting frustrated.

"Yes you can." he said, "You just have to will it." I glared at him, he smirked; I really hated that stupid 'just will it' saying.

"Alexandra, just-" he sighed, "Think of the reasons you want this money. Think of all the things that will happen if you don't get it."

"What's that suppose to do?" I asked cockily.

He flashed me a smile, "You need to have a reason to want it. So want it, will it. NEED it."

I looked at the hundred dollar bill in my hand, I sighed, and shut my eyes, centering myself. I felt the money, the way it was suppose to feel the 'fingerprints' of it.

Then I streched my mind outwards, touching the paper. It wasn't the same or even close to being the same, as the money in my had, it was just the same size. I thought of what I wanted, Of what I needed to be in that case.

"I believe in you," Logan said softly, so softly in fact I wasn't sure if I really heard it.

I could feel it, the slow changes, the paper taking on the properties it needed to be like what was in my hand down to the smallest detail. I was doing it, I thought. I was changing matter in my hands- or I guess in 'my mind' more so.

I opened my eyes, glanced at Logan then reached for the case, I didn't hesitate. I opened it quickly, and smiled when I saw what was inside.

"I did it." I said happily, grinning.

I shut the case and turned towards Logan again, "Thank you." I smiled, and before I knew it I was hugging him.

----

"So how do I get back?" I asked him, sitting on the bed watching him eat.

He finished chewing, then took a sip of his soda. "You remember that string you felt earlier? The one I told you too leave alone?"

"Yeah?"

"Follow it."

"Huh?"

He rolled his eyes, "Hold on to the string and follow it. And no matter what you do-" he paused dramatically, "Don't let go."

"Very funny."

He laughed, "I'm serious. Don't let go, you'll get thrown back here and trust me that hurts like a bitch."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, so I follow the string and then what?"

"Then you get back." I nodded my head and looked at the briefcase, "I'm guess I can't take that with me?"

He shrugged, "You probably could. Not sure how though, I've never done it myself."

I frowned, "well how am I suppose to get that money to me?"

He smiled, "I'll bring it too you."

"Logan-"

"Look Alexandra," he sighed, suddenly looking desperate. "I wont get you in trouble. I'll do things your way. But-" he paused, frantically looking around the room before meeting my eyes. "I need you're help."

"For what?"

He rubbed his hands together, "I can't tell you," I wanted to be mad, but something inside me just wouldn't let myself. "I promise I will, I just can't tell you right now."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

I nodded my head and smiled, "Yeah, okay." he smiled brightly, and it was almost like magic how his shoulders suddenly became relaxed.

"Well, better get you home." He walked towards the bed and took my hand.

"I want you to relax, follow the string, but I also want you to always keep me in your mind until your entirely sure you're back. Okay?"

I frowned, "Why?"

"I'll be you're link here, so if anything goes wrong you'll come back here and not in some strange place."

"Okay." I said frowning, suddenly worried.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

----

I gasped, sitting up in a bed. Loud frantic beeping going off all around me.

"WE NEED A DOCTOR!" I heard Dean yell, someone was taking my hand. I looked around.

"Alex?" I looked up and smiled, "Dean." His eyes where too bright, too wide.

I knew instantly he had been crying, I felt my heart drop.

His hand cupped my face, he opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by two doctors walking in, looking shocked.

He just shook his head and let out a sigh of relief.

----

"Hey," I looked up from the bench outside of the motel, Dean was standing there his hair still damp from the shower. "What are you doing out here?"

I shrugged my shoulders and turned my attention back to the star filled sky. "Just thinking'" I felt the weight of the bench shift beneath me.

I knew since coming back from the hospital Dean and Sam both had been very over cautious about letting me out of their sight.

If Sam hadn't fallen asleep while Dean was in the shower I'm sure he'd have followed me outside the moment I stepped foot outside of his line of vision.

"About…"

I smiled, even without looking at him, I knew he would have his eyebrow raised and a wondering look on his face.

I turned my gaze from the stars to his face, I was right. I smiled; "Just about life I guess."

He nodded his head, "You know you're going to have to tell us what happened right?" A

I nodded, "I know; I just-"

"Need time." he finished for me.

I had told them most of the truth; Leaving out Logan and the money. I told them I went to the park because I was feeling upset (Sam looked guilty, which as bad as it seems made me happy.) Then the next thing I knew, I started to feel weird which is when I called Dean (He didn't ask about the blocked number, thank god) Then- I'm not sure what happened.

I'm not sure if they believed be, but I promised them it wasn't anything other then myself that caused that. There was no monster to go hunt and kill. I think they we're both just so relieved I was okay that they didn't ask to many questions.

I moved closer, Dean put his arm around me. I snuggeled next to him, and waited for him to tense but he didn't. I smiled and shut my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"Dean…" I mumbled suddenly tired.

"Yeah?" I wondered if his voice seemed more husky or if that was just me. "Alex?"

"Hmmm?" I said, falling asleep. He laughed, "You said my name."

"Oh, I just wanted to-" to tell you I'm sorry, to thank you for being there. That I love you and Sam, and I don't ever want to leave you guys again. I took another breath. "tell you, you smell really good."

He laughed again and I smiled.

That's how I fell a smile on my face, with Dean Winchester arm around me, feeling like the world could fall apart at any moment but i'd be okay, as long as he was there.

* * *

Hi guys! Long time, no update! I know & i'm sorry! Hopefully that's going to change ;)  
Sorry for the sorta fillerness of this chapter, but it was semi imporant. I know alot of you wanted to see 'simon said' as a chapter & you will (sorta) it'll be in the outtakes. So look for that, & also a small bit of Dean and Sam the hospital while Alex is there. :D

Anyways, Review & let me know what you think. Are you happy Logan is back!? :)


	24. The Duchess

_**IMPORTANT A/N:**_

Hi guys! I just wanted to let you know, this is a little taste of _crossover_ with _Elmtreigh 'Of the light' _& my story _'Twist of Fate.'_You can find it under my fic list as **'The Duchess' **

This, is **AU**, this story has **NO** effect on 'Twist of Fate' As it takes place four years in future, with two Elmtreighs, Dean & Sam... & If anything, it just gives you a slight glimpse as to what *might* come in the future for Alex.

So, If you enjoy, please go read The Duchess ;)

Title: The Duchess

Rating: PG

Setting: Season 2- & Season 4

Characters: Alex, Dean, Sam, past!Magsie- Magsie, Future!Dean, Future!Sam, Castiel, Future!Alexandra, Future!Logan.

Summary: Who would have known that dropping a haunted looking glass would cause all this trouble. Alex sure didn't, & she really didn't think it would send her four years into the future & into the body of someone named Magsie with her Dean & Sam still in the past.

* * *

Alexandra didn't need to open her eyes to know where she was. She heard the familiar sounds of Dean and Sam talking; felt the familiar itchiness of the cheap motel blankets under her; both seemed to be as familiar to her as her own heartbeat.

Even with everything that had happened over the past few weeks, she couldn't hate herself for being by the Winchesters. Even with all their faults, they were still her home.

She rolled over, eyes still shut. "Can't you guys be quiet." she mumbled into her pillow.

She heard them laugh, causing her to frown. "I'm serious. We hunt things at night. We should be able to sleep in till..." She trailed off, thinking of when would be a good enough time, not too early but still early enough. "two-ish."

"When have you ever wanted to sleep in?" One of them said. Alex wasn't sure which one. Her eyes were too heavy, and her body was slowly falling back to sleep.

"Just ten more minutes." She mumbled, pulling the covers around her body, nuzzling her head into the pillow that could have used a little more fabric softener. A sigh of comfort escaped her mouth at the familiarity of the feeling, despite what the cover needed.

"We have a ghost we need to salt and burn" One of them stated calmly.

She rolled over realizing that they weren't going to let her sleep in. Sleepily she sat up in bed, her eyes still blurred and half shut with sleep she stared up at them and made a confused face at what she saw.

"You guys look-" Older, hotter, buffer… A million different words rolled through her brain, so she settled for "Different"

Sam and Dean gave each other a look. To them she had always been wonderfully strange, constantly keeping them on their toes. "Different?" Sam inquired.

"Yeah, Different" Alex move closer to Sam, unable to hide the frown at the difference she saw in him.

The change in him wasn't something that could happen over night. The build of his body, a body she had thought she had known pretty well by now. "When did you get so-" She paused before finishing "So buff."

Sam blushed, "Buff?" He looked away feeling chagrined.

"Yeah, Sam's a regular Schwarzenegger" Dean muttered feeling uncomfortable with her closeness to his brother.

Alex turned toward Dean, moving her body inches from his, needing to find the difference in him also. It wasn't as apparent as Sam, but it was there.

Her face only inches away from his "Huh," she muttered as she touched his cheek gently, "Weird." She muttered under her breath.

The thin scar that was on his cheek; the one you could only find when you were looking for it, it was gone.

Not to mention the obvious difference of how much his face had changed, He looked older and more haunted. As if he was ready to give up the fight that only yesterday it seemed like he was ready to win.

Shaking her head she asked the boys a serious question, "Did anything happen while I asleep?"

* * *

A/N: & I just also wanted to say, you all should be getting a chapter of 'Twist of Fate' soon. (I hope!) But, hopefully this story will keep you guys happy!! Remember to go look for it on my Fic List. 'The duchess!' && to find out what my Dean & Sam are doing- go click on Elmtreigh profile OR go into my fav list & click on her version of 'The duchess' & see all the trouble her girl Magsie is causing. :P


	25. Demands all around

"No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber, until I realized that it was you who held me under." How getting lost in the music, in singing was so relaxing- so freeing.

The music began to go faster, heavier, I lifted my arms, my eyes shut. My body was no longer mine. "Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids, shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs."

This was heaven, I thought, singing to the song that seemed to be made for me. In a moment that was all mine, war around me be damned.

"No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone, no more crawling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden. No more dreaming like a girl so in love, No more dreaming like a girl so in love, no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"

"Amazing, do you normally dance around in your panties."

The voice broke my trance, jumping back I glared at the imposter, my arms crossing over my chest. His smirk making my stomach turn "What are you doing here Logan?" I snapped, quickly moving to the bed, getting a pair of my jeans out of my bag.

"Admiring the view" He said, his voice husky, trying not to blush I ignored him, giving him another good glare. Deciding it'd seem cowardly to run into the bathroom, I stayed in place to put on my jeans. Wiggling into them, under his gaze was mortifying. "You shouldn't be here." seeing me like this, I added self-consciously to myself.

"I figured with Dumb and dumber out, I could finally come out and play" He smirked, then, lazily went to the bed closer to the door, Dean's bed- laying down, "You should really tell them about us babe," I could here the laughter in his voice "The sooner the better, wait to long and once they find out" he shook his head, grinning "its going to be great."

"Great, yeah.." I said, sarcastically, my hands going to my hips, every single guard mental and physically snapping in place as I stared Logan down, "That's the word I would use."

He grinned, sitting up "So, who's the boy?"

"Huh?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"The boy you were singing about?" he frowned, "It isn't one of the Winchester's is it?"

I rolled my eyes, "Its just a song," then, staring at him I smiled, "plus if it was about anyone, why do you think I'd tell you?"

He put his hands over his heart, with a pained expression on his face "Ouch, just hurt me why dontcha"

"Logan," getting to the point, not wanting to fall into the habit to bickering like friends might, "You can't be here."

"Why is that?" he put his finger to his chin, "Oh yeah, because you keep lying to Dean and Sam."

"I'm not lying!" I shouted, angry "You have no right to come in here and-"

"Alex-" he yelled over my voice, quieting me, "Shut up!" he shook his head, getting off of the bed and took the five long steps to stand in front of me. "I'm here to work with you, something you wont do until you tell them." he gave me a look, "so tell them already"

"I'm not ready yet…" I'm not ready to lose them.

"Alex." He put his hands on my shoulders, gaze locking on to mine "Do it. Do it soon or I leave and I wont come back."

.x.x.x.x.

"Pie?" Dean asked, sniffing the air as him and Sam walked into the room. I would have laughed if I didn't find myself in knots at the moment. "Yeah," a gave a meek smile, "and look at this." I said, picking up a DVD on the night stand, "I figured we could have a night in. The hunts done, so we have downtime for tonight…"

Dean and Sam shared a looked, before finally shrugging. Dean throwing his duffle on the bed, Sam went into the bathroom, "So what movie is that?" Dean asked, getting into the bag with the pie, I smiled, "Serial mom."

"No kidding?" He chuckled, "Gotta love that movie." opening the box with the pie, and taking a plastic fork he began to dig in. "This is good" He said, mouth full, smile wide "Want some?" he asked, holding his fork out, "No thanks," I laughed, "I'll leave you too it."

I sat on the bed, tucking my knees beneath me.

I was scared of telling them that Logan was back in the picture. I didn't know what to think; would they pack and leave me here? Would they yell? Of course they would yell, I thought, answering my own question.

"Are you okay Alex?" I looked up, seeing Dean stare at me anxiously, in time for Sam coming out of the bathroom, glancing back and forth.

Yeah, why? Was at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't say it. I shook my head, "Not really." I looked between them, "I have to tell you guys something."

"Do I need to sit down?" Dean asked, his face getting momentarily pale.

"You're already sitting down," Sam said, frowning, then turning his gaze on me, not seeing Dean's glare "What's going on Alex?"

"Logan," their faces harden, "He's in town."

"He's here?" Dean asked, standing up fastly, almost tipping over the chair, his voice gruff with anger "Where?"

"I-I-"

"Alex where is he?" Dean shouted.

"Dean," Sam said soothingly, "Alex, you have to tell us where he is, if he's threatening you-"

"He isn't" I said, getting off the bed, "He's helping me. Or he will be soon, that is."

"Helping you?" Dean deadpanned.

"Yeah?"

Dean shook his head, "I can't believe this." his eyes back on mine, "So what was this," He pointed to the pie, "huh? A bribe"

"No! I just, I wanted to-"

"To what Alex?" Dean yelled, cutting me off. His nostrils flaring, his face getting red.

"GUYS!" Sam yelled, then to Dean, "Let her talk, man" Then to me, "Be honest with us Alex."

"I AM!" exasperated I threw my hands up, "I'm telling you he's in town,"

"But not where"

"Cause' you two would go run off trying to kill him,"

"Damn right we would!"

"Dean!" I yelled, this wasn't the way I wanted it to go. I knew I was on the losing side of the bet, but I had hoped… "Can you just stop seeing red for one minute and see that I'm trying to explain," taking a quick deep breath, "I'm not saying I want Logan here-"

"then why can't we kill him?" he snapped, ignoring him I continued, "But I need him here Dean. He has answers for me. And I need them. I need to know why this is happening to me." I paused, looking at Sam, then to Dean before settling on the ground "I need to know what's wrong with me."

"Alex," Sam said, coming to my side, "Nothing is wrong with you."

"You can't honestly think that?" I asked, "All these weird things have been happening to me, you guys know it's not normal. I'm not normal."

They were silent for a moment before Dean finally spoke again, "No one in this room is even close to normal Alex, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you" stealing a quick look to Sam, "Or us" but even as he spoke those words, I could hear the hesitancy in them. He wasn't truly sure of how wrong or un-normal I was or for that matter Sam.

"Dean…" I paused, taking my time wording the words that would seal my fate "Logan can help me. And I can't turn my back on that, if there is a chance he has the answers" I stopped and looked down, "but I understand if you guys don't want me here anymore, I just don't want you to hate me."

"We could never hate you Alex," Sam said, surprised by my words. I looked at Dean, the same surprised look was on his face.

"The last time when I left…" I swallowed the guilt. " You didn't want anything to do with me."

"What?" Dean, barked out laughter "You're the one that didn't call." His eyes narrowed "or return any of our calls." he threw a look to Sam, "Sammy over here called everyday," I noticed the quick, 'seriously' look Sam sent Dean's way, but it made me even more confused

"I called you guys every day. You never called me back," I shook my head, "The first time I heard from you was when Sam called me to tell me about the accident."

I saw the confusion and disbelief clearly in their eyes, "Alex, we called." "A lot." Dean add, "Some days more then others, but we called every day." He threw his hands up in the air, "Hell, we even tried to track you down. We spent a week looking in the city, but couldn't find a trace of you."

I sat on the edge of the bed, "But that doesn't make any sense," shaking my head.

"tell me about it." Dean grumbled.

"I called you's" I whispered,

"We called you." Sam said.

I didn't understand. I tried contacting them, and they never came through. It made no sense to me. How could they have been looking for me- I left messages, I left texts', I left everything but a flare gun shouting my location and need for them.

"How could-" I stopped, everything freezing around me, a memory taking place. How could I have forgotten about Logan and the lengths he'd go to keep me away from the brothers. It wasn't so much that I thought he couldn't, I just thought… I just thought he wouldn't.

I stood up, my jaw clenching as I marched out of the Motel.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked, following me out.

"To kill Logan!" I growled, walking towards the Impala, "Are you coming or not?"

I didn't have to look to see the smiles on their faces.

x.x.x.x.x.

"Stay in the car," I said, eyeing the house I knew Logan was 'borrowing' suspiciously.

"You can't be serious!"

"Oh I'm serious." I told Dean, "I've very serious." I opened the car door, "Give me ten minutes." I paused, thinking about all the ways to torture him, "scratch that, give me an hour."

"Alex, we aren't letting you go in there al-"

"Yes." I glared at them, Sam first then Dean, "You are."

"We are?" Dean asked, "why is that?"

"Cause I'm asking you too." I sighed, "I'm asking you this once to just trust me. Let me handle this for one hour and then you can come to my rescue."

"And kill Logan." Dean added, his brow raised.

I smiled, "And kill Logan."

"Really?" he asked surprised.

"No." I grinned, "But you can punch him for all it's worth."

I could see him weighing the options in his mind, "Make it fifteen minutes and we have a deal."

"Dean!"

"Alex!" he mocked, "You have fifteen minutes. He looked at his watch, "Starting now."

"Errr." I sent them both angry looks before walking towards the house.

x.x.x.x.

I didn't knock, I didn't even hesitate before opening the door and then slaming it shut. I walked into the open looking foyer, "LOGAN!" I yelled, "GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW!"

I waited five seconds, when he didn't show or answer I flung my hand out. "I SAID NOW!" I growled, my eyes shutting; as I felt static release of energy pulse upwards and forward from my body.

The sound of a crash made me open my eyes, only to find Logan on the ground, eyes wide, as he stood brushing his dark jeans, a mess around him, plaster and what looked to be glass from a vase surrounded him "What are you doing-" before he could finish I flung my hand, he hit the wall again the sound of his head hitting the plaster made my anger melt; but only momentarily.

I walked towards him until I was only inches away, my eyes blazing. "You new how much they meant to me. You KNEW!" I shouted in his face.

"Ale-"

"don't! don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about" his eyes spoke volumes, "I swear I don't."

"You knew how much I was missing them! How much it was hurting me that they were ignoring me!" I shook my head, stepping back; my anger fading into pain, he fell from the wall with a thud. "You did it. You kept them away from me!" hurt laced my voice, "Why, why would you do that? Did you think the first time they called I would have run back."

I could see the moment it clicked, the look in his eyes went from bewilderment to understanding- then to anger. "Well you did didn't you." He said it calming, but I knew he was feeling everything but calm.

I shook my head, "Dean was hurt! And I was angry at you." I couldn't help but smile painfully at him. "Every time I think I can get close to you, every time I want to trust you- another one of your plotting scheming hit's the surface." shaking my head, "I'm done with this soap opera Logan. I don't care how much I might need you, I wont be some ploy in this game."

I walked ten steps away, "And tell your boss or whoever the hell it is you're working for to leave me alone, and to stop using you to mess with my life. That the moment this happens again, I will find them, and I will kill them. Do you understand?"

"Alex..."

"Don't you understand Logan?" My voice hardened. "You go to whoever the hell is behind all this and you tell them. The moment you or another one of their clowns interferes in my life again, I will find them, and I will kill them." he stood there watching me, his body stiff with tension though his face was masked with a wall of indifference.

"Go." I told him, "Go now and don't come back until the message is delivered." he went, leabing me standing there with the mess that I made of my life, of something I once hoped could be a friendship.

The front door burst opended no sooner then the moment he left, the brother walking in taking in the destrusction. I could feel their eyes taking in my appearance, looking for even a hair out of place but finding none.

"Where is he?" Dean growled, looking at the man size dent in the wall.

"He left," I shrugged my shoulders and forced a smile "Don't worry Dean, I'm sure he'll be back"

* * *

AN: know its not much but, it's something... right? :/  
Song is by **florence & the Machine** :)


	26. Give it away

I never imagined my life would lead me here. If you would have asked me five years ago where I would have saw myself today. I would have said "Easy, I'm in college working towards my degree in child care. I'd be living in a small apartment not far from my parents house, where I stop by daily to raid their fridge" But it wasn't easy. I never got that apartment, and I no longer have parents.

I didn't know my world was going to end, if I had, well I would've stopped and took my time, fallen In love with a normal boy, read all of the classics, but mostly I would've said goodbye, spoken from my heart to the people who matter .

But maybe this is what it means to live, to be human. We're suppose to bleed, to feel pain so great we wish for numbness.

I watch as Dean tries to hide his pain in cheap whiskey and women. I see Sam holding onto the memory, of the picture of jessica until it is to much to bare. And there is nothing I can do to save them, I can't even save myself most days.

"Alex" Deans voice breaks through the silence of the impala, "What are you doing back there?"

"Writing." I look up from my notebook with a smile on my face, "sorry, I'm not keeping you entertained" I saying joking around leaning up to poke him in the shoulder. "I told you not to let Sam have warm milk, he falls asleep like a baby"

I can see Dean grin, and can't help but think it's moments like these that make it all bearable.

Maybe this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up at any moment in my bed, with the sky blue and birds chirping at my window. With my mom in the kitchen cooking sunday breakfast and my father getting ready to give the world the faith it needs so much. Yeah, maybe this is all a dream. But until I wake up, I'll live for them.

(o.O).

A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. I don't have internt right now. and haven't for awhile. but I found a way to my phone. so you'll be getting updates, just not long ones. sorry. :( I an trying toget the internet back, in a few weeks I might have it. BUT keep checking my page, you'll be getting tiny one shots and drabble.

also, I just wanted to post this little thing to show you where Alex's mind is at, and how she is dealing with her parents death, so this is sorta "journal" style. hope yous like it..


	27. This is it part 1

The thing about hunting is it's never what you think; There is always some wrench that gets thrown into the hunt. Some puzzle piece that doesn't reveal it's self until it's almost to late. There is always some moment where you second guess everything you've learned because no hunt is alike. Monster are as individual as snow flakes, as people. And that, I've realized is scarier then anything I ve ever faced.

O.o

"When are you going to stop lying to us?" The accusation stopped me dead in my tracks, I turned towards Dean "It wasn't a lie." I spoke softly, emotion thick in my voice. "All you do is lie Alex." Dean said, his eyes seeing into my soul, burning me with his anger.

"That's all we've ever known you to do, why should we believe you now." Sam added, his eyes sad and helpless.

"I' was trying to protect you." I whispered, "the truth-"

"The truth is the only thing we ever asked of you." Dean pounded his hands on the table. And the one thing you could never give us! Damn it Alex! How could you?

"I DIDNT MEAN IT!" I cried going towards him, he backed up the rejection clear. "I thought If I told you, you'd worry. I thought I could handle it on my own."

"No." Dean said, his words clear and sharp. "You just didn't trust us. But you trusted him," the disgust he felt was obvious. "Maybe you should just go Alex."

"Dean..." my chin quivered, "You don't mean that." He said nothing, so I turned to Sam. "Sam," I bit my lip, wiped the tears that fell from my eyes, "Sammy "

"He's right Alex." Sam said quietly, "You don't belong with us." he looked away, ashamed his voice almost a whisper as he his said the five words that broke my heart. "You only make things worse."

o.O

** one week earlier.**

"So what exactly is this case?" I asked looking over Sam's shoulder at his laptop. "We're not sure, yet."

"Yeah," Dean snorted, "Sammy just sure it's a case." Sam sighed, running his fingers through his shaggy hair, "Dean, I told you. All the signs are here. People randomly changing, other's just disappearing ..." he trailed off

"Okay, I admit it's something," Dean said getting off the cheap motel bed, "But nothing we've found has pointed towards anything supernatural."

"Dean. Do you honestly believe five college students just up and ran away in the same town all in the same week." Dean shrugged, "People do weird things all the time. Lifetime had a movie about a bunch of chicks getting knocked up at the same time to be cool, and it was based on a true story."

Sam and I stared at Dean, mouths ajar. "What?" he asked, then looking suddenly embarrassed he mumbled "there wasn't anything else on."

"Okay, whatever it is" I began, not really want to think to far into Dean Lifetime movie habits- When did he even have time to watch them? I wonder curiously. "Needs to be stopped. Supernatural or not. So what's something they all have in common?"

Sam sighed, "Nothing that I can find. I mean, it's the same university, so there is a small common factor of classes, a few local bars, but nothing that sticks out that they would all go there."

"So different clique at school." I frowned, "Who was the first one to 'run away'?" "Kevin O Dell" Sam, bringing up the newspaper article of his disappearances, also the police report. "According to this his parents who don't seem overly concerned."

"The parents are the one that got ahold of the police?" I frowned, "Why didn't the school?"

"Well..." "The school told the police that he was on drugs, that it wasn't unexpected that he took off. It wasn t until the parents got ahold of his friends at school, after weeks of no contact did they file a report." Dean said, still laying on the bed. Sam and I turned to him again, "What? Just cos I don t think its supernatural doesn t mean I wouldn t look into it." he said frowning.

I turned back to Sam "And the last person who took off?"

"Sandy Conner" Sam, again brought up the report this time of her, the article had a recent picture of the teen. Black hair, dark eyeliner and black clothes "She was 'troubled' according to reports. Her parent's believed she worshiped the devil." I raised my brow, "Why because she wore black clothes?" Sam shrugged. I sighed, "Okay, well other than the obvious the school being the only connection between them..." I trailed off, noticing the gleam in Dean's eye and the small smile on Sam's lips.

"What?" I asked.

Dean getting off the bed, "I think we need to cover all the ground. The school and the parents."

"Okay," I said, understanding but not really, "we can start interviews tomorrow, try and find more connection." Dean's smile got bigger, Sam chuckled, Slowly and confusedly I asked "What am I not getting here?"

"How do you feel about College?" Dean said. Then not letting me say anything, "Cause you start tomorrow."

"College?" to say I was surprised would be an understatement. He smile got wider, his eyes taking in my dark jeans, a white baggy t shirt, no make-up appearance "You look sixteen so it might be hard..."

"Hey," I snapped, "Just cause I don't dress to show off my h-" Sam put his hand over my mouth stopping me from speaking. "It ll be easier for you to get information, with your look-" I thought about biting his hand "You' re more approachable, almost innocent"

I rolled my eyes, he stopped covering my mouth. "Yeah, yeah. I get it. I look like a kid." I grumbled. I sighed glancing at the clock, I better go school shopping I said snidely.

o.O

I started at my steam filled reflection, I could see it. The roundness of my face, that made it seem as if I never lost my baby fat. My wide innocent eyes, that made me look more naive.

Even with all that I had seen in the past year.

And sure, I never dressed my aged. I never got 'dolled' up. Who was I suppose to impress? Dean and Sam? Bobby? Or the monsters we hunt?

I opened my duffel bag, There wasn't any need for dresses or skirts. For nice shirts and blouses that would only get bloodied and torn. So what if hoodies and jeans, plain t's were all I wore (with the occasionally tank top and shorts if we happened to hit a hot state during summer.) That didn't I was any less girly did it? It just meant that I was, well, practical.

"Logan hurry up!" I growled, the sudden knock on the bathroom door causing me to jump.

"Open up Cinderella, your fairy god mother is here." I could here the amusement in his voice. I opened the bathroom door, but not before making sure my towel was firmly in place.

"It took you long enough Logan." I growled, grabbing the bag out of his hand "Sam and Dean will be back with breakfast soon." I could almost hear him roll his eyes, "And we can't have them finding me here can we."

I snorted, "I don't care if they find you here Logan, they can kick your ass for all I care. I just don't want them seeing the clothes. If they want a sixteen year old teenage girl, they might as well get one" I smiled "rebellion and all." Logan smirked, "So lets see it."

o.O

"Wha-what did-" Sam stopped his sentence short, frowning. Dean stared at me uncomfortably, "Where did you get that" He paused horrified "That thing?"

"What this?" I asked innocently, twirling in my dark purple empire waist sundress, that was a bit to short and showed a bit to much cleavage, yet looked innocent enough. Especial with the nice pure white ribbon that I had tied into a bow for a headband.

I knew I looked like some young virginal sacrifices ready to be offered to some god. I couldn t help but smile. "You told me to play the part."

"Yeah," Dean said growling "dressed."

"I am dressed Dean. Just not in baggy t shirts and jeans," I walked the few steps toward him and grabbed the bag of food out of his hand getting my stuff out. "Its to cold out for a dress," he grumbled, Sam gave him a disbelieving look but didn't say anything.

"It's 65 degrees out Dean, I'd hardly call it winter." taking a bite of my bagel with cream cheese and jelly, before saying "You wanted innocent Dean, I m just doing what you said."

"That isn't innocent." he said glaring. "Then what is it?" I asked, pretending to be totally confused by the reaction that they were having.

"Look Alex," Sam said butting in, "Guys see..." he stopped and motioned to my outfit, trying not to actual eye it. it meaning my cleavage. "that. And they don't see innocent girl, they see..."

"A conquest." Dean all but shouted, Sam frowned but nodded in agreement.

"Ah," I said, "I see." Victoria Secret is a god send. Dean and Sam nodded, "You're saying guys like when girls look innocent," nonchalantly "sweet? they take it as-"

"Hot." Dean said then frowned looking away. "some guys, anyway." Oh, I said, like that concept was completely foreign to me. I glanced at the clocked and tried to hide a smile,"Well, I don t want to be late. Guess I ll just have to go like this."

o.O

A/N: This is the first part of a maybe three or four part story arch, so I hope you enjoyed. Again, it can t be to long cause I have to upload from my phone. Review? Please, with Dean & Sam and Logan on top? Let me know that you all are still interested in Alex s story? If you are, you'll be interested to know, there is small AU type Twist of Fate story that should be posted in the next few days (if not tonight) so keep a look out for it :)


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